A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When I was 15, I had an abortion. To this day I still remember everything about those few weeks while it all happened, from finding out to having it done. I still cry on the day which I had worked out would have been my due date and I still wonder what they would have looked like. In my head I even refer to them by a name.My boyfriend at the time was a little bit older (17) and the reason I had the abortion was because I knew he would have been going off to university the next year and I would have had to raise the child by myself. He didn't argue with me when I said what I wanted to do, if anything he was encouraging. Safe to say, we broke up around the same time as the abortion.Recently (last week) he sent me a message online asking if I wanted to meet up when he was next down. I didn't reply because I thought it was strange. The next day, I got another one, saying he was sorry about everything that had happened between us, and just wanted to me to know that. I've recently got engaged to my boyfriend of 3 years, and living in the same town as his family means he would know this too. I asked him why he suddenly felt like he needed to talk to me about this and he just said he needed to get it out of his system. I know he has had 2 daughter's with his ex, so it's not like nearly 12 years later, he just needed to talk about it before he became a father.I've been so moody, and confused about everything, and talking to him nearly every night hasn't helped. My partner knows I'm talking to him and what about but I still feel guilty and I still feel like I'm doing something wrong. I've never really spoken about the baby we had to him, to others yes, but not to him, not really and it's messing with my head but I feel like I need to do it. I don't know what I'm doing and while I know I'm hurting myself I can't stop.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 September 2016):
 You where young and you done what was right for you then, you are now engaged to be married and yes you need to bury this. You cannot hold on to guilt and sadness over this any longer, it is controlling your life. Having an abortion is the easy part, it is the guilt and torture your mind does to you all these years later. Realistically you where only a child yourself, you have a second chance now with your fiance to live your life and let go off that guilt and shame, you done nothing wrong.
You are being honest to your fiance about talking to your ex, maybe you do need closure with him, but make sure it does not drag out to long these conversations, as it could mess with your head even more, good luck.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (5 September 2016):
 It sounds like you have been punishing yourself all this time.
It is time to forgive yourself and find closure in all of this.
If your current fiance does not know the details of your past, best to discuss it with him so he knows. Also let him know you may need to have a conversation with your ex as a means of getting closure and moving past this point in your life.
If you do agree to speak with your ex, do it with purpose. If there is something you have been refusing to talk about, now is the time to get everything off your chest. Let your fiance know you are doing this and why you are doing this.
I would also suggest an abortion-friendly counselor or therapist that you can talk too about your grieving.
If you have given a name, then maybe you need to commemorate your sense of loss, the way you would the loss of any loved one.
I wish you peace and healing.
-Frank
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (5 September 2016):
Im going to be blunt as usual. You are in your late 20s now. I think its time you started living your life responsibly. Either break up with your current and pursue this guy, or do the opposite.
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