A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a son, who is 19 and a daughter, who is 17. I'm suspicious of their relationship. I went through some tough divorces and I've been away for a couple of years but I wanted a father for my children and they had family friends watching over them and I've been calling them all the time and we spent holidays right. Now I got divorced and I went back home. My son is supportive, but daughter is acting so harsh towards me. I assume that's because she wants to be alone with her brother. She said they are better off without me! My son is ALWAYS in her room behind locked doors. Sometimes they are giggling and sometimes they would just go too silent and he is staying there very late, like 2 am. He might even be there when I can hear water running in her bathroom. It's apart from her room but still. I've noticed them exchanging disturbing smiles and looks. I'm concerned but got no proof and I can't confront them or make them seek counseling. Or maybe it is normal?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2015): I think the best approach is to disregard any notion of unhealthy relationship even if it was true and hope they grow out of it, and in the mean time be the best mum you can to them and let things work itself out.
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (27 February 2015):
You left your own children for a man? That is frankly horrible, and I don't believe you wanted them to have a dad. If that were the case then you wouldn't have left the entire time you were with the man and only returned when divorced.
I don't blame your daughter for being upset. She is your child. She is supposed to come first in your life and you abandoned her for some man. What have you done to rebuild their confidence that you won't abandon them again? What have you done to try to make up for this horrible betrayal.
I'm glad your son and daughter have one another and are sticking together. They need to be able to count on each other. I highly doubt there is anything inappropriate going on.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 February 2015):
 I think you are making up ideas in your head because you are jealous. So because you arent invited in, you plant ideas that their relationship isnt healthy. I think thats disgusting, and if youre looking for a way to push your children further from you, then go ahead with this thought...
My father is mentally ill, and this is the exact same as he did. He was jealous of my relationship with my step-dad, so he insinuatet that we were sexually intimate. Do you think I have a good relationship with my dad now?!?
I strongly advise you to seek therapy. You are having illusions and are going to ruin your relationship with your children unless you deal with this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 February 2015):
 If you have been an absent mother, more focused on "getting them a dad" (which means a MAN for you).... I would not be surprised that your daughter resents you. It IS rare that a mother leaves her kids, it's even more rare that she leaves her kids so she can date.
I think your son and daughter are sticking together. Because they have ALWAYS had each other. You haven't been a constant.
And now, because you kids are literal strangers to you, you think they are what? committing incest?
I agree with Auntie Bim, there are other issues going on here than your son and daughter being close.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 February 2015):
 I think there are a lot more issues here than your suspicions about the relationship between your son and daughter.
Have you considered your daughter might be being harsh with you because your priority over the past few years was you, it sounds like you left them to fend for themselves for a few years, with only a few friends to watch over them.
If this is the case I am not surprised she is harsh, she is probably wondering what the hell you want and how long you intend staying before you go off looking for yet another husband.
It would seem your actions to date have been quite selfish, and I can understand why your daughter said they are better off without you.
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