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I'm starting to question my friendship with my gay best friend... What do I do?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Friends, Gay relationships, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 June 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 30 June 2012)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So my gay best friend hung out with me today, since he's in town (he lives in AZ, I'm in cali). We used to date, but we only kissed once, and it was one of those preschool kisses that were just us smashing our face together. It didn't last long, and we had both kinda done it just to have someone. He said he was gay, and I knew I was going to break up with him before he had said that. We realized we're just best buds, and we like a lot of the same stuff. We never did have a romantic/sexual thing, more just like a 'hey, lets do this' thing.

Now my current boyfriend (he's my world) was upset that we were hanging out, because my friend is a pervert. Like, I hate to stereotype, but he's the kind of gay guy that will go up to a straight guy that looks hot and try to convince him to do things with him. He also likes to talk about all kinds of ...stuff he does. He didn't do this until a few months after I got my boyfriend, though. (I think he feels more open to talk to me now that I can relate, or so he thinks?)

It honestly makes me a little uncomfortable, but I push it aside and try to avoid the subject, because my friend has been my friend for a really long time...

My boyfriend was concerned because my friend is a guy and he was a perv(It was also around 10 that my friend left, but we had lost track of time and were sewing stuffed animals together). We had been adding the finishing touches to my stuffed animal, that I was going to give to my boyfriend, because we might not see each other for a while. I told him this, and my boyfriend apologized for being so upset about it, and although it kinda hurts, I understand, I wouldn't want him to hang out with a perverted female friend, I guess.

But now that my boyfriend has pointed it out to me, I'm left confused, and I need help...

My best friend has always been a great friend, he's sweet, funny, and just like me. We always joke about how I'm his mom (Long story on that one, but since I'm older, I'm his mom, and now all my friends call me mom).

But he's like... The extremely pervy inappropriate version of me... Not only is he very open about what he does, but he also is into strange things, some of those things kinda freak me out, but he's my friend, so I just ignore it...

And he doesn't know when to quit about it either, even after I ask him to stop or try to change the subject... He's kinda polar opposites sometimes. He can be funny and adorable, like a little brother, but sometimes he talks about things that really make me uncomfortable.

I'm like, the opposite. When I'm in a relationship, the only time I'll look at a shirtless guy is if it's on the show/movie I'm watching, because he's an actor, but I'm so faithful I don't look at other guys (I mean I don't avoid eye contact, but I don't oogle them). And I'm really an uncomfortable person around all things sexual. It's thanks to my boyfriend that I can even kiss well...

So what I'm asking is what I should do about my gay friend. He lives quite a ways away, so I won't see him often... So do you think I should slowly try and cut contact? Or what?

He's also the type of person to jump into things way too fast. He's only been dating his boyfriend a few weeks or something, and he already wants to marry him.

And he said he wants us to make stuffed animals together for our future kids (He plans to have a surrogate).

So that's an issue, because not only am I uncomfortable when my friend is being too inappropriate, but my boyfriend is too, and my boyfriend means the world to me...

View related questions: best friend

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A female reader, AuntyAlexxmo United Kingdom +, writes (30 June 2012):

AuntyAlexxmo agony auntif he does not stop when you ask him and you feel uncomfotable tell him how he is making you feel and warn him if he does not stop you will leave, if he carries on then you leave. simple.

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A female reader, AuntyAlexxmo United Kingdom +, writes (30 June 2012):

AuntyAlexxmo agony auntif he does not stop when you ask him and you feel uncomfotable tell him how he is making you feel and warn him if he does not stop you will leave, if he carries on then you leave. simple.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I ask him to stop and typically he just goes right back to that... I think he thinks I'm not being serious or something...

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