New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244945 questions, 1084256 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

I'm so scared that this 4 week break so early on in our relationship is going to ruin us.

Tagged as: Faded love, Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 December 2013) 5 Answers - (Newest, 14 December 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I've been seeing my boyf since the summer and been official for the last 2 months. Everything is going great. So far he seems my perfect man and I'm so happy. But here's the thing, last week he went home for xmas, he'll be gone 3-4 weeks. He's staying so long because his father is ill and they think it'll be his last xmas. Obviously I'm missing him like crazy and cant wait to see him but understand why hes away for so long. Before he went away we were virtually inseparable we spent a lot of time together and as were in the 'honeymoon period' were always all over each other, had lots of sex and are very loving towards each other. Just to be clear we did date properly get to know each other and didn't have sex until we were official. He's only been away 1 week, he's been in touch every day but it almost always leads to sexy texts, which ofcourse is fine I enjoy that a lot. But I'm starting to feel like when texting theres nothing to talk about. Its making me worry that our relationship has become purely sexual. I'm worried that as we have another 3 weeks apart that its going to drive us further apart emotionally. I really cant wait to see him and cuddle him and just be with him but I'm so scared that this 4 week break so early on in our relationship is going to ruin us. Does anyone have any suggestions?

View related questions: period, text

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (14 December 2013):

Ciar agony auntSo if I've understood you correctly your concern is not so much the time apart but how that time apart is spent (i.e. sexting) and that this will become a pattern that will be difficult to break when he returns, yes?

My suggestion then is to steer the conversations to other things you want to talk about. Send him the occasional email instead of always a text. Tell him about your day or a book you're reading, a film you watched, a news story. When you do text, do the same thing there. Ask him about his day, and his family, not just about his father's illness, but about them in general.

Keep the conversations interesting. The more engaged he is in them the less likely he'll be, or the longer he'll take, to steer them toward sex.

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (12 December 2013):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntIf your's (and his) budding relationship can't endure a four week separation - for the reasons that you've described - then it isn't much of a relationship, after all, and you and he will be better off going your separate ways.....

Good luck.....

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (12 December 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI would avoid SEXTING to be honest but 3-4 or even 6 weeks apart is NOTHING... try doing it for 3 or 4 or 6 years... some friends do.

My hubby and I were LDR the first year of our relationship... we survived to grow stronger and fall in love and get married.

You are worrying about something that is going to be over in the blink of an eye and he will be home to you. He's in daily contact which with an ailing parent says A LOT about how he feels about you.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2013):

Distance does make the heart grow fonder.

I say this from experience having been through something similar.

What worked for me was Skype, playing online games eg. chess together, talking about your day - friends, family, activities etc.

Sexual banter is great but it is not a solid foundation to build a relationship on. Keep the emotional side alive as well. Since he's at home, it's a great opportunity to ask more about his family, his childhood, his christmas traditions etc.

We managed to survive almost a year apart before we were in the same country again. It made the reunion even sweeter!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (12 December 2013):

YouWish agony auntWhy would it ruin you? One month away is nothing if you look at the big picture. You know what they say - absence makes the heart grow fonder. Relationships survive year-long overseas deployments, business assignments and so on.

This relationship has a very specific facet of it that is greatly in your favor - an end date. There is a definite start and a definite end. The reason why the majority of LDR's fail is because there is no definite end, only a vague dream.

The holidays are tough with parents who are ill. I celebrated last Christmas taking care of my own father, which turned out to be his last one as well. His texts with you are an escape from the serious major emotions he's feeling. I agree - phone calls, Skype, many things you can do to see him.

Far from ruining your relationship - you are the tether to reality, the shelter from the awful pre-grief. In fact, the only way you CAN lose this relationship is if you start fretting and stressing him out with your worrying. You have nothing to worry about. You make him feel like himself, especially when you're not talking about his dad or what he's going through until he brings it up. Just let him know that you're there for him, and he'll come back.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "I'm so scared that this 4 week break so early on in our relationship is going to ruin us."

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0312555999989854!