A
male
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I'm incredibly in love with a wonderful woman and she's crazy about me too. But I tend to get jealous. Now this isn't really a tremendous problem. I think I deal with it well enough. Usually I'll just make a passing joke about it and ask about it (not accusingly but in a "I just want to hear you say it" kinda way). It's NOT that I don't trust her, I do. But she's very attractive and constantly gets hit on and when it comes to the guys she has to deal with I don't trust them at all. Several of her friends quite obviously have crushes on her. Also whenever she's not treated respectfully by a guy I get very upset.I was wondering if there was some way I could try and avoid all this jealousy or at least not let it bother me quite as much. I'm protective of her and I always have this doubt in the back of my head that some guy will try something or mistreat her.I get told that I shouldn't look at it as a big deal and my head KNOWS that it isn't (well some of it) but my emotions don't listen to me. Are there any ways that I can try and cut down on these feelings?I would also like to add that I love her very very much and she's a wonderful woman (I know it's off topic but I wanted to say it anyway).
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female
reader, Country Woman  + ♥, writes (7 November 2009):
 Well I am relieved about what you said and yes jealousy is a hard thing to do with as it used to eat away at me.
I lived this way for many years and I really don't want you to end up going down the same road that I did as it can be so self destructive and there has to come to a point as I think you have found where you have to change your own inner dynamics as such and you have to train your mind as well to stop doing the same behaviour over and over again as it does become habit forming if left to fester.
I am always around and you can always mail me direct at any time OK.
BFN
Country Woman
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCountry Woman, I was talking about the male anonymous poster. I wasn't upset or offended by your post. I just can't stand it when I ask for help and someone always has to say "suck it up, get over it, you're being a big baby for feeling this way." I wasn't directing my comments at you and I appreciate your input. It would be very nice to hear more from someone who has been there.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman + ♥, writes (6 November 2009):
OK I think your reply was directed mainly at the anonymous male response you received and hopefully not the comments I made, if I had offended you in any way, then please accept my apologies as that was not my intention.
You are similar in age so I had got that part wrong but it was the way you described her that I came to that conclusion but wanted to clarify it with you first i.e. me asking how old she was.
I do feel that when you asked about ways of dealing with jealousy though, seems as though it is your own feelings of insecurity as I have been where you are and know that jealousy can push someone so far away that they want out of a relationship and I had to reign in my feelings, however, eventually I was proved right with feelings of doubt but my relationship by that time had been almost 20 years so it wasn't a short time thing in my case.
If you want to chat more, please let me know.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't get why every time I ask a question SOMEONE needs to insult me in some way.
I never said I don't let her do what she wants and I never said that the "mis-trust," as you quite inaccurately describe it, was a problem that even came close to affecting our relationship. I asked this question because I wanted some specific advice on ways to deal with or prevent my initial reaction of jealousy, which I have admitted is a bad reaction on my part. That's why I'm asking for help. Saying that I need to suck it up and act like an adult isn't helpful.
Also I could be wrong but I think admitting when something about yourself is a problem and asking for help on how to fix it doesn't exactly sound like an immature response to me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): Dude treat her as an adult and behave like one yourself, if she dumps you because she cant handle the mis-trust then she will be dealing with this on her own and probably very capably,my advice is to realise that yeah she is wonderful but she is her own woman. Let her be one and she will love and respect you for it. If you dont it will end in tears.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe turns 21 in December and I turn 22 in March.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman + ♥, writes (3 November 2009):
I get the feeling that when you talk about this woman that she is slightly older than you? Is that right?
Whether you trust the other guys who show interest in her or not, this is not the issue. You need to know whether you actually have trust in her as a woman? Do you believe that she loves you and is totally yours?
If you have doubts about her feelings for you, then you need to ask her as you are worried someone else would be someone she could commit to rather than you.
I also think that at your age, you should be enjoying this woman's company and not getting so obsessed about the future.
Do you see yourself in a relationship with this woman on a long term basis or is it something you just feel is a good relationship or a great relationship?
Have you asked her how she sees things going with you at the moment?
You seem to have an all consuming love and sometimes that can push someone away, especially if even in a casual way you bring up the topic of other guys and mistrust in any way.
If you get that claustrophobic she may feel like she is suffocating and that is something you don't want to do.
We all have to have our own independence and if you are acting very possessive and she knows this, then she may feel like she cannot breath.
It is hard work to stop being so jealous but I do feel that if your own self confidence was good then you wouldn't be as paranoid as you seem to be right now.
If other men look at your woman then it is a compliment, but if you genuinely feel that there is a cross over and she may be tempted to act upon any advances from other men, then you need to address this sooner rather than later.
Let me know how old she is please? It may just put a different perspective on your question, that's all.
BFN
Country Woman
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