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female
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NightAngel
writes: My problem is kinda complicated but to make a long story short, me and my boyfriend have been going out for about 3 months and I have a major jealously problem. I've seen him with his ex before and they seemed so happy together and had so much in common. (One day he even told me she was the most beautiful girl he ever met.) Yesterday was his 19th birthday and it was horrible, it was just me and him and after a few videogames things got very boring. We eventually just decided to watch tv and I couldnt help but notice a lot of pictures of his ex-girlfriend, and all I could think about was how they could talk to each other about anything and everything and just related to each other. I feel like I totally bore him and ruined his b-day. I want to be able to talk to him the same way he did with his ex, and be more close to him. I want him to be happy, but I don't think he'll ever be really close to me as he was with his ex. What should I do?
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ex girlfriend, his ex, jealous Reply to this Question |
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): The way you have to think bout this situation is, when you see your ex's with their new girlfriends they are most probably thinking the same bout you as you think of your bf's ex but the way you have to see it is you know you haven't got feeling left for your ex and you have split up for a reason and you know there is no bond between you anymore. From saying this I know this because in the past I have had many people telling me about how my ex's new girlfriends were slagging me off and it is all down to jealousy most of the time and how we imagine their relationship to be so perfect but 9/10 it isn't like that at all! So take that feeling and believe that this is exactly how your bf feels about his ex's.Hope this helps =)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): I can understand why you are feeling this way. Most girls would feel jealous about their boyfriends exs. When I was younger, and I had my first boyfriend, he told me about girls he had crushes on and I got really jealous about that! and he had'nt even been out with them!!! But like most people have said here, she's his ex for a reason. So he must prefer you to her, else he would not be with you. If you feel insercure about yourself, that can make you feel worse. I would'nt worry about it! =] Just be confident in yourself, and realise that he loves you and wants to be with you, and thinks you're the most beautiful girl he has met, yes at the time he might have thought it was his ex, but that was before he met you! =}
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2007): i don't think he's a good bf. he's probably not worth your love and effort to put up with his past. his whatever past isn't really the problem btw you two, it's his attitude towards his past that bugs you.
talk to him about it, he should care about how you feel and let go of the past relationship. if he doesn't, you know what, i think you can do better :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): my current boyfriend has a horrible history that haunts me night and day, to the extent where I am constantly searching and scratching to find her. He has kept everything you can. Photos, emails, presents, cards, letters, notes.. I even found her underwear for fuck's sake. He also had a picture of her naked, covering herself up with a little quilt. I spent about a year of my life in psychosis; jealousy was running in my veins and all I could think EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF THE FUCKING DAY was how much he loved her. He even proposed to her after a year and a half, and we've been together for two years and on our one year anniversary he said "I'm not going to propose to you, if that's what youre thinking" and left the room.Jealousy is ugly. But I'm still with him and I think that's the message. i'M not some pathetic girl hanging on to every last wish because to be honest, i've been in relationships he may envy. I dated a millionaire that never left me alone and constantly wrote me love letters. and my boyfriend didn't mind (at least he put up withit, unlike me who jkust threw crockery and furniture around the room at any mention of his ex). I suppose what I want to say is that love does prevail. I wouldn't stand for this usually, but with him I do. Because I adore him. Am I pathetic? Probably, yes, but now I'm happy. Paranoid and depressed, yes,, but also happy. Comments?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): people always say "exes are Exes for a reason.. he is with you now"
and it annoys me because my boyfriend was dumped by his ex, the one im jealous of and he DIDNT want to be! he wanted to be with her, he adored he, he cried and begged her back but she refused. He met me a few months later and then we fell inlove, but I often feel jealous of her because i got him by default. He isnt with me because he prefers me, he is with me because he cant be with her.
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A
female
reader, nessabergen +, writes (23 October 2005):
I know how you feel. I am constantly competeing with my guy's ex, and sometimes i feel really boring. Maybe if you flirt with him a little it could lighten up the situation. You know, play with his shirt while talking to him, or when he's not expecting it slip him a kiss. Try it! I'm not sure if it will work, but can't hurt to try! Hope it helps,
~Vanessa
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (22 October 2005):
 We all feel weird about our lovers' exes, that's just life. We're a jealous species, us humans, especially us women when it comes to other girls our man has been with! Just think about it this way; if he wanted her, he'd be with her. He's with you, wanted to spend his birthday with you so it's YOU he wants to be with!
The more this gets you down, you're gonna get it a worse mood about it and be worse company to be with. Just forget about the past and enjoy the present or you'll regret the time you wasted.
If you want to talk to him, you have to get him to open up. You start a conversation and see where it goes. After a while, he'll start getting deeper and deeper and you'll have a closer relationship with him than any ex ever did.
Just enjoy it, there's nothing like losing someone then realising it was your stupid insecurities that drove them away. Have fun and feel better about yourself, you're better than any girl he's ever had or he wouldn't be there with you. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Kay-the-Cloud +, writes (22 October 2005):
Well, his ex is his ex for a reason. You have insecurities about the relationship which if you are not careful will spoil your relationship and you will become the ex.
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