A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Ok, So I'm about to be 23 in a month... I've been married for almost 2 years, my husband and i have been together for a total of 5 years (we were high school sweethearts). I've run into a feeling lately of resentment towards him. I'm so much in love with my husband that I want to have a baby with him soon. I can't think of anything better to have my love show for him than to have a little bundle of joy that is the two of us together. I know that sounds like a hopeful romantic. My husband is very good with kids. He as well will be having a birthday soon and will be 22. He says that he wants to live his life before we have children. But when i ask him what life he wants to live he can't answer me. I get so fustrated that I try to fight back tears of really wanting a child. Then when I do he mocks me and tries to make a joke. He is not an insensative person it's just his way of dealing with things. I used to think that i wasn't ready for a baby because i am still in school (1 semester left) and we're in the progress of buying our first home. But since a family member just had a baby it's really made me think twice as to what we are waiting for. Financially, we could be in a better spot, but we make decent money (we still manage to save a substanial amount every month). But my husband keeps giving me the excuses of living his life... i finally said to him why is it his life and not OUR life; to which he responded that he wants to travel but anytime i ask him where he wants to go he just says he wants to stay at home and save money so he can put more performance parts on his car, and i know it seems like we're too young but at the same time I can't help to feel that i'm somewhat bored. It's like all he wants to do is things for him and completely leave me out of the equation. I'm not going to lie, he does buy me nice jewelery and send me flowers but it's not about the material things I would trade all of that for a baby. I feel like I have nothing to do but to work, go to school and save money. That is what my life has resulted to at the age of 23. I dont make friends easily as i have trust issues. I almost lost my very good job due to a "friend". I just want to be happy with my husband. Am i wrong for wanting a child? Maybe i need to see a therapist.
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female
reader, joana20 +, writes (9 April 2008):
I understand how you are feeling! But I also understand your husband. You are young people with dreams and hopes! You should enjoy your wedding, have lots of fun while you can! A baby is a wonderful thing...But maybe your husband doesn't feel mature enough to have a child! It's a great responsability! And after having a child, your marriage will probably change a lot... You should finish school first and maybe after that, travel with your husband, have fun! You have many years to be happy and have babies..Lots of them!
Anyway, have you told your husband exactly what you wrote here? Maybe he will understand and explain himself better...
Good luck! You do look like a really responsible and intelligent person!
A
male
reader, madflash +, writes (9 April 2008):
 The other advice you got was fine. Follow it.
My advice might not be what you want to hear. It sounds like you need a hobby. Children are not hobby material. Yes, they certainly will fill up your 'hobby hours' and take up your 'hobby money' if you aren't dynamic enough of an individual to have a hobby that takes your time and money.
It sounds to me like your husband has other interests, you do not and that you're blaming him for that. Isn't there anything that interests you besides smelly diapers and drool? Find it, do it, and if after you actually have something you don't want to give up for a baby, but still are willing, then demand to have one. At least you will be in the same position as your hubby and will have a more persuasive argument than, "But I'm bored!" You might even understand what your husband is feeling, the sacrifice of a precious hobby due to a lack of money and time.
Once the child comes, however, those hobbies won't be all that precious to either of you. Still, he's not selfish for wanting to explore life first. Maybe you can just try that for a while longer... just a year or so, but really try it. Live. Create. Explore. There's lots of kool stuff to do when you don't have kids.
And when your out windsurfing, painting a sunset in watercolors, deep sea fishing, dining in some fancy resteraunt or skipping about the city from museum to museum, think about how you don't have to think about where your kid is or who is taking care of it.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (9 April 2008):
 I understand that overwhelming feeling of wanting a child and you are not being selfish or being too much of a romantic for wanting one. Congratulations on finishing school, getting married, and buying a home by the way! All major accomplishments!!! You sound like you set great goals and accomplish them with success. Sometimes when this happens, there is a sense of anti-climax in this and a feeling of "what now"??? I know that feeling and it can be a let-down, a sort of plateauing of things- goals, things to look forward to- especially for a goal driven person like you. I have to say I think your husband may be right. They say the most successful marriages have a couple of years before child-rearing where the couple celebrates being together in marriage.
The other thing you said about "It's like all he wants to do is things for him" shows even more of a need to find interests together right now. You have recently lost a job and don't have many friends to occupy your time so you must feel pretty isolated. I would work on these things first although I don't find your need to have a child "wrong" by any means. I just think learning to find common interests and enjoying your marriage right now will make you and your husband happier. If you want to see a therapist, I think it's always a good idea if you want to improve yourself. Good luck and you sound like a smart, accomplished woman.
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