A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have a question about lying.My partner and I have been together for quite awhile. I've always had an underlying (no pun intended) suspicious feeling that I cannot believe everything she tells me. For example, we both have myspace accounts. Tonight, I logged on, and saw that she was online. I called her to say goodnight, and she told me that she was asleep and that I awoke her, and that she had not been on in at least an hour. I have a tracker that tells who visited the page and exactly when, and it states she checked out my page exactly 20 minutes prior to me calling her. This has happened several times before with similar situations, and it starts my concerns with this all over again. I don't consider myself a stalker, but this concerns me for the fact about what else could she be lying about. My gut instinct does not have a good feeling about this, but I have tested other situations, and have proven my questioning wrong, but obviously I cannot prove everything and am getting tired of feeling like I have to prove anything to be able to trust her. When I bring this up to her, but not accusing her, and just want to talk about this, she gets viciously angry and refuses to talk, which leads me not to want to bring it up again, however my feelings still persist. I will admit that there were several times in the past that I have lied to her about very similar things, and that she has caught me on, however I admit it and have worked very hard to gain her trust back, on her terms, to prove my word to her. I know how important trust is in a relationship, and I have big concerns about it with her.Is this just me being insecure and foolish about minor "fibs" that I really should let go of, or is this just the tip of the iceberg hidden below the sea? If I am being insecure and/or foolish, how should I go about alleviating my concern/feelings so they will eventually disappear?
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female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (31 May 2007):
 Well, one solution comes to mind, both of you stop using My Space to make contact with people that you don't know, and make contact with the people you do know in the old school way, talk to them face to face, write a real letter, make an appointment to get together as friends, and then you won't be suspicious of her hiding something.
Although the internet is a wonderful TOOL it was never meantn to take the place of real human relationship, and it has opened up a lot of things that there are just no social rules about, at least none that are ubiquous.
I think you need to chill out. To be trusted, you have to first give trust. You can't always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. You will know it dead on if she is ready to dump you and your relationship, and you won't have to accuse her of lying.
A
reader, I Dont Lie + ♥, writes (31 May 2007):
 Its right for you to feel concerned about her lying tendencies, I would be if I was you. You might think its just trivial white lies, but try looking at it this way, if its that trivial a matter, why even lie to begin with?! To lie to someone means the trust between the both of you has been damaged, which really is the pivot of a relationship if you think about it.
However, you also mentioned having lied to her before and that you had to prove yourself to her. Now, I dont know to what extent the lies you've been feeding her back then, and how much you've damaged the trust between the both of you, but this one thing I do know, she would have never trusted you the same if the lies were serious enough. Its extremely hard to go back to what you had before once the damage has been done. Perhaps that could be the reason she fibs about even the slightest things. Either that or she's lieing because she's losing interest in you. People lie when they lose interest so as to get the other person off their cases. Its like she's not bothered to even explain what's going on. If the latter is the case, then I think going your own ways would not necessarily be a bad idea.
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A
female
reader, cd206  + ♥, writes (31 May 2007):
 I think you have to let it go. While I understand your concerns, I'm not surprised she gets angry at you accusing her of lying all the time. Of course trust is vital in a relationship but absolute honesty is not and it doesn't sound like she's gone beyond telling you little white lies. It's not like she's lying about anything that is significant.
CD
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