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I'm shy and I'd like to learn to be more outgoing...

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Question - (31 July 2005) 20 Answers - (Newest, 20 August 2009)
A female , anonymous writes:

I find it very hard to make conversation with guys. I talk to them, just not that long. People like to kid around with me because I'm so shy, but I don't want to be shy. How can I break the habit?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009):

Ok firstly-

Things NOT to do if youre shy- is instantly put yourself out of your comfort zone into a situation that forces you to be social. It can be terribly awkward embarassing and just make you even shyer. And then drinking alcohol so you are able to socialise is just really sad- like Im fine with drinking alcohol but if youre just doing it so you wont be shy well thats not reall the best way to get out of your shell things could get outta control and im sure youd rather know how to talk to people without having to be intoxicated first right?

What you can do...

Build your relationships with your good mates. Let them know you wanna stop being shy and let them support you and help you.

Take up a hobby, a sport, something to learn while interacting with others ;)

Out of school is good too espcially if you come from a single sex school.

And then if youre even braver- take up a drama class! Something more out there and that kinda forces you outta your shell- but in a safer environment that you know is more accepting and any embarasing behaviour will be easily laughed off ;)

And even if you do all this and still find it hard to be more outgoing... theres nothing really wrong with being shy. It might just be your personality :) As you get older, shy people are made fun of/kidded around with less and appreciated more. Shy people will usually be liked a lot better than those loud, obnoxious, up themselves, out there people! For some people I know, shyness can be a real turn-on! ;)

Anywaaay goodluck! ;)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009):

i have a problem with this girl i like and every time i try to talk to her she is with her freinds and i'm afraid to say anything because my sis told me that her freinds might tell her not to go out with me afaid of getting rejecked even tho i know she likes me

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008):

I hate being shy! Back in Middle School I was friends with everyone and when we got to grade 8 we sort of drifted apart, now in grade 9 at High School I barely have any friends. All the friends I used to have are in the popular crew and It's just me and 2 friends of mine that are outside. I really want to go up to one of my old friends that are in the "popular groups" and just start talking to them... but in the middle of school? If I just go up to them at lunch or something it would be so unusual they would probably look at me wondering why I was there. I don't know what to do, I want my old friends back. :(

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008):

hi friend,

Don't worry about it even think about it. I was very shy person to make friends. But now I made so many friends, lover, good relationship with others. u just need to make only one step that is "Reach the people u want to talk to rather than they reaching u" U just go and talked to them ask them about studies, job, family, etc., "If u think others will come and talk to u But just go and talk to them"

Hope u make it

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007):

you sound just like me, everyone teases around with me because i'm so shy i have some outgoing friends and are always around outgoing people but i dont know what to say, so if u find out what helps let me know, my email is [email address blocked] my name is Christina Bunch

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007):

Well Start Jokeing back at them too and theyll start noticing that u want to know them and talk to them so just start talking be what u want to be i was shy intill middle skewl and know everybody luvs me so think and poeple will luv u alot

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007):

I'm 15 and me and my sister went to the beach and we met two guys but we didn't do anything with them... just friends but one asked my sisters number and the other one asked mine but he never texted or called me but the other one called my sister she's older.. And way more outgoing... when we are at the beach with those guys she's the one that always talks and I never say a word because I don't know what tot alk about. I jut wish I knew what to talk about

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007):

Im a 14 year old guy, and ive fell for one of my friends,ive heard she likes me too, were both too shy around eachother, ive tried talking to her and like, i just feel embarrased, ive never had this feeling with another girl?, i really don't know what to do :(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007):

if i were u i would start a conversation bye talking about the future you know like what do u wanna be in the future how r u it may sound stupid but trust me it will work

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007):

Hi,

I was shy when I was a kid. I am now 26 years old and broke this habit when I realised that being shy was not helping me in knowing anyone I wanted to. To overcome this, I then categorised at that time (i don't do this anymore for obvious reasons) the people I wanted to know and then gave it a go saying to myself that I would not risk anything to ask sth to these people (for the sake of breaking the ice) and start a conversation. Nowadays, that's what i do and I do no longer feel any barrier between people and myself. And remember that you cannot like everyone either. So don't put this behind the shyness excuse every time you don't manage to speak to people. [email address blocked]

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2007):

I'm shy and embarrassed when talking in front of many people, or presenting a presentation.......How could I build up my confidence? Give me some tips, please...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2007):

I have the same problem! Except I'm not even brave enough to talk to the guy at all!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2007):

all i have to say is start by haveing a couple drink with some close friends and go out to a party or something..the alcohol will give you a lot of confedence to talk to people and open up a lot..seriously it helped me a lot

i hope this helps

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006):

Just start off with "small" talk like talk about your surrounding,an upcoming movie,the weather around you,the people around you,etc.Try asking them open-ended sentences where they can respond with a more longer answeR and really listen to what they are saying and respond naturally.Remember,even if you're really nervous(which I'm still am at times)FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT!!The more you fake it,the more it won't bother you!!Hope this helps!!Good Luck!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2006):

well i shy too, untill i went into drama i thought it made me more outgoing and not as shy because well you have to go up and do the plays i thought it was really fun!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2006):

omg.

i had the same problem.

in 7th grade i was...ohh...TOTAL OUTCAST. like literally NO friends.

I had long thick hair with absolutly no style, i always wore lame t-shirts and baggy jeans that were wayyy too big and didnt wear any makeup. and i NEVER talked.

the next year, i decided to change alllll that. I cut my hair to a veryyy unique cute style, i put on make up, not to make me look like i was a freakin slut or something, but enough to make me look pretty, i bought a WHOLE NEW wardrobe, cuter shirts, tighter jeans and just trendier style. I talked to more people and wasnt so shy.

I'll admit, im still really quiet and shy, but guys like me now and im not scared to talk to people and i have a lot alot of friends. people like me for who i am.

and when i see people i havnt seen since 7th grade, all they have to say is "WOW. you've changed A LOT." and i'll say "yeah, i know. :)" and then they'll say "i like it". It guves me even more confidence and im doing a lot better in the social world.

all i have to say is EMBRACE your personality.

like, i turn red realllly easily and when people tease me about it, all i say is "haha yeah i know. i cant make it stop! :D" and i just laugh at it.

im defiently a new person, and i hope you can use that advice. :]

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2006):

Just be yourself! Ask them about themselves rather then talking about yourself more. Believe in yourself and don't think about what other people think of you and what other people are going to think of you if you think what you are going to say is stupid.. And if you happen to say something that is a little on the "Crazy" sid try to cover it up with a joke. The keyon how to be not shy is just believe in your self and everything else will fall into place

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2006):

Just start trying to come up to people in stores, and say something about the products. Just try to talk to strangers, and they are usually nice. kay

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A female reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx United Kingdom +, writes (1 August 2005):

xxxsoulsistaxxx agony auntEveryone has their own personality and you need to learn to use it to your advantage. Not all guys like the same kind of outgoing, loud girls, some like the mysterious, quiet type.

People shouldn't make fun of you because you are shy. It sounds to me like you need to make a new start and get some more confidence. Buy some new clothes, a new hair-do maybe? Have a pamper weekend with your girlfriends and make yourself feel great! Then get out there and start chatting! I'm sure you're a lovely girl who guys will love, you just need that bit of self-esteem to get out there and meet Mr Right.

I hope you feel better about yourself, however you do that. Remember, if you can't love you, nobody else can love you either. You don't have to be like all the other girls, you know. Be yourself and someone will love you for who you are, not what everyone else thinks you should be. Good luck :)

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A reader, becky05 +, writes (1 August 2005):

You need to get youself into situations where you are talking to more people, this will definately help as i have found out from personal experience.

You dont say what age you are but the older you get the less shy you will become.

Everyone kids around with shy people, so dont feel you are the only one. :)

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