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*eartbroken1658
writes:Hi, I'm shattered, torn apart. I can't seem to function. Just caught my daughter kissing a girl. Horrified, livid. I can't seem to accept my 16 yr old daughter telling me she is bisexual. I'm still 2 days later so angry wth her, calling her so many ugly names.i am disgusted wth everything. Any feedback I can try to comprehend would be helpful. Ty
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reader, lifesgreat  +, writes (22 November 2014):
I hope you have patched things up with your daughter now .
Yes I bet it was a massive shock for you but its modern today for a lot of people to be like that.
And the best thing you can be is supportive for her , it would of being difficult for her to tell you.
I see everybody else had given you a grilling so I do not need to :)
good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2014): Please get a grip! Horrified? Shattered? Disgusted? You make it sound like your daughter MURDERED her own sister. Or blew up the White House. Or stole all your jewelry and then stole your car and then totalled it. Or married Charles Manson! Think of the REAL horror that girl's parents must be feeling right now. Hopefully these examples, which are ones that would inspire a parent to LEGITIMATELY feel "horrified" and "shattered," will help you put your feelings in perspective to the perceived offense. You are simply dealing with someone who is exploring her sexuality at a very appropriate age. Did her actions physically hurt another human being? Did her actions intend any sort of ill will toward you or herself or humanity? I could understand if you feel sad. Disillusioned. Worried, even, as gay people often deal with hate from others. Longing. That is your little girl and you had hoped for a different outcome. But I feel like your reaction to this doesn't match the offense. The punishment does not fit the crime. I think you need to acknowledge that somehow this has become more your problem than it is her's. I do not understand why you hate her so much for something that is not hurting anybody, that she feels and doesn't repress. All I know is that the opposite of hate is not love, it is indifference. So I always question when people have such strong hate for something. And always assume that hate is in fact a repressed love of and desire toward something. For all you know you might have lesbian tendencies yourself. Perhaps you were bullied and shamed into repressing those feelings as a child by strict intolerant parents. And now that your daughter is acting on her own lesbian feelings, you are "horrified" because it might expose your own feelings. Now you are forced to deal with an issue that has long been taboo and that brings up too much shame in yourself. That is what I suspect might be going on here based on the extremity of your reaction.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 November 2014):
 "Any feedback I can try to comprehend would be helpful..."
Yes. She's your DAUGHTER!!!! You should LOVE her.... WHAT goes on in her life - as and when she becomes an adult - is HER business.... NOT your's....
Swallow your macho "pride" and be happy that you have a sane, healthy daughter... and let her get on with her life.... WITHOUT you laying YOUR morals and sexual expectations upon her....
WHEN you are capable of walking on water, THEN I invite you to spend some time judging her.....
Good luck.... She sounds a darn-site smarter/nicer/well-balanced then my daughter!!!!
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female
reader, heartbroken1658 +, writes (21 November 2014):
heartbroken1658 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for all the feedback. I gotta say it's 3 days now & I'm better. I have read all your responses. They are harsh answers but truth in every word u all saying to me. So what u all are right, I myself was sooo harsh to my poor 16 yr old daughter. I caught her wth girl so I was not even close to knowing anything. She tells me everything so I thought. I read & read all of your comments over & over. Thank you very much.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (21 November 2014):
 mystick is right
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female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (21 November 2014):
 Love her! She's still your daughter, your flesh and blood. She has a made a choice, it has nothing to do with you, or how you raised her, etc. Why would you call her names?? This is your child. Have some compassion! Would you really turn your back on your child because of her sexual preferences?? I realize you are shocked but can you really not see that she's still the same person? Come on mom....you're in your 50's...life doesn't always turn out the way that we want it but you can either make this situation tolerable or extremely intolerable. Put aside your hurt/disappointed angry feelings. Do you think it was easy for her to tell you? So you dont agree with her lifestyle, so what?? You dont have to live it she does. Love her and let her live her life...dont push her away. Life is short and many people have lost their children to accidents or illness and would love to have just one more day with them. Please do not throw away your relationship.
I have 2 children and I love them both no matter what..no matter who they are with because they are my children and I want them to be happy. Cool down and think things over. I hope you make the right decision.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 November 2014):
 They say 1 in 3 people are NOT straight. Which means they are either gay, asexual or bisexual.
I agree with SVC - LOVE your child no matter what.
SO she likes BOTH girls and boys? So what?
I have a gay stepson. I have a couple of gay friends, one whom I grew up with, the other I met in college.
WHO they like to be intimate with isn't my business. (as long as it's CONSENSUAL)
Being a bisexual isn't a choice, neither is being gay OR straight. IT just means that people from BOTH genders can be attractive to her.
YOUR sexuality, HER sexuality is NOT all that defines who you are. It's really only a TINY part of who people are. It's not something you can FORCE on people.
What exactly is so disgusting? Does it not mesh with your religious beliefs? Or personal ones? Either way, you daughter is who she is, bisexual or not. She isn't a kissing a girl to UPSET you. She was kissing her because she has feeling for that girl.
All in all, if you can't accept this, it's YOUR problem. There is nothing wrong with your daughter.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (21 November 2014):
 I can understand your shock, but calling her names and telling her how disgusting you find her isn't going to help either of you. You may drive her away completely.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 November 2014):
 Feedback.... LOVE YOUR CHILD no matter what.
So she kissed a girl and she liked it.
My brother is gay. I love his husband.
My aunt was married, she had a child. she nearly died from this... she pretended to live a straight life and was miserable.. 25 years ago she came out and she lived happily.
As parents we want healthy happy average or above average children. Their sexual preference never even enters into our mind. And it should not. their sexuality is theirs to cope with.
IF you disown her for this or alienate her for this (which btw is her normal natural state of feeling) you will lose out on so many things you can share with your child.
Please tell me what it is exactly that upsets you about your teenage daughter discovering her sexuality?
would you have been as upset if she had kissed a boy? why not?
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female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (21 November 2014):
Wow! That's horrible. That poor kid. She is your daughter, why would you not just love her for who she is? Why is it so horrifying? Also, are you aware of how many MILLIONS of teens experiment with people of the same sex, then end up happily married in regular ol' heterosexual relationships when they grow up? Hopefully you haven't irreparably destroyed your relationship with her.
I'm having a difficult time with your post. You are an adult. You are her mother. Yet your whole post is about how torn apart and devastated YOU are. I can't stop thinking about how torn apart and devastated your poor daughter is. She is a child and doesn't have the coping mechanisms an adult does.
Make a therapy appointment for yourself NOW. After you have had a couple of discussions with your counselor and you perhaps feel more rational about it, make one for both of you, so you can figure out how to fix this horrible betrayal of a mothers love you have foisted upon that poor child.
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