A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I've just separated after being with this guy since I was a teenager. Now in my 30s with 2 kids he's all I ever knew. He claimed cheated on me and when i said im leaving, he claimed to be gutted, said he was seeing a counsellor, and taking anti depressants he says. he tried to make me stay but in a recent conversation he said I certainly don't intend spending my life alone and will find someone. It's a bit confusing; sometimes I get so angry at what he's done from physical to emotional abuse to cheating, and am so glad to make it out; and at these few moments I wonder if everyone makes mistakes, he's regretful so if I should give him another chance? Or maybe I'm just so lonely suddenly that I'm not thinking right?
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cheated on me, emotionally abusive Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys all makes sense and there are those moments time and again when I feel I'm being harsh but you are right when I really think about it not much has changed - and it's important more now than ever to stay strong. Can you advise how best to start making friends in a new city I work full time and then look after the kids so really have a 0 social life for now though trying out going with office folk who have kids and Netmums etc
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2012): Yes everyone makes mistakes and if they have truly reformed themselves they deserve a second chance. But that doesn't mean the second chance should come from you, the person that was betrayed.
If you get back with him, it's a higher possibility he will revert to his old ways. Why? because you would be erasing the consequences of his past behavior because he didn't really lose you after all (if losing you really was important to him, which I suspect wasn't).
if you stay away from him and he's supposedly so gutted, and changes his behavior, then good for him and maybe in his next relationship with another woman he will treat her far better because he never wants to be dumped again.
so, yeah...he deserves another chance, but not with you let him have that chance with someone else.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (21 December 2012):
Stay away, it's always going to be difficult but you'll be okay.Tell him that if he loves you he needs to do EVERYTHING in his power to change. Counselling, meds, whatever.If, down the line, you feel like he's changed and you still miss him (I'm talking about a year or more from now) you could start dating him and taking it very slow.The truth is, however, that you'll probably move on and be better off.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (21 December 2012):
 It's completely natural when faced with being along to get scared. He is trying to come back and saying all the right things and then when you realize you would rather not be alone you start to really consider what he is saying. You need to just stay strong. Remember the bad times, remember why you broke up and left him. When you feel lonely find something to keep you busy and your mind off of him. If he starts up begging you to come back tell him you wont hear it and leave. You are much better without him and he isn't genuine in the things he says either- that's why he says he's gutted then later says he won't ever be alone. He is just afraid of being alone too. In time you get used to it, you heal and move on, you get used to a new schedule hanging out with friends or your kids. It's a lot better to deal with the short term pain of being alone than the long term agony of a relationship you aren't happy in.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (21 December 2012):
 You could say once is forgivable. That`s if you want it to be. Repeated behaviour is different. In most cases the anti depressant and seeing a counselor story is an act. As soon as they get comfortable again, the abuse comes back.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 December 2012):
 your not thinking right due to loneliness and fear.
he cheated on you
he's emotionally and physically abused you
is this a relationship you want your kids to use as a model for a happy marriage? I doubt it.
Everyone makes mistakes... ONE mistake is forgivable, but multiple mistakes and repeated mistakes? NOT forgivable...
If he is truly getting help, on proper medications and getting counseling, then you may want to see how it goes and maybe give him a chance if he PROVES things are REALLY changing but don't hold your breath.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 December 2012):
 If - and when - you decide that the partner that you've been with is NOT a good partner for you.... THEN it is incumbent on you to part ways with him/her..... and.... despite second, third... or MILLIONTH "thought" let them go, and YOU get on with your life.....
What I THINK you are alluding to in your submittal.. is that you are making up a bit of PITY that you think that your soon-to-be-ex- "deserves".... when, in fact, he had many years (at least 10 by my reading of your arithmetic)... to be a good hubby, and FAILED at it....
Get on with your life... on YOUR behalf.... and enjoy yourself.... Life is 'way too short to spend it in anguish.
Good luck....
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