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age
16-17,
anonymous
writes: Ok this is the problem I'm in, I've been with a girl for 1 year since I was 15. Well now I'm 16 and gonna join the army etc. Well my girlfriend wants to take our relationship up to he next level by having intercourse. I've done the minor stuff with her but might be stupid to say this but I love her soo much I'm scared shitless about having intercouse, she's 17 and I'm kinda scared I won't live up to her standards and really scared shitless. I just want advice on how I can overcome being shit scared! Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, satindesire  +, writes (31 January 2009):
 You're welcome hon. Remember, if you need to talk to me about anything else, I'm here for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks satindesire for all that info and you made me think twice im going over her house tomorrow to talk to her about stuff and i know it probaly be the most weird talk ive ever had but thank you all so much :D
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A
female
reader, satindesire +, writes (31 January 2009):
Okay, this is gonna be really long and PACKED with info, so bear with me son!
What you need to understand in order to relax is the fact that it literally takes YEARS to 'get good' at sex. Everyone sucks at first, EVERYONE. It's a learning process, being intimate with someone who has a totally different anatomy than yours can be hard! And the biggest thing you can do for yourself and your girlfriend is to not ever be too shy to communicate.
She cannot read your mind and you cannot read hers, all right? So speak up! If something hurts, doesn't feel good, doesn't feel right, or makes you uncomfortable, say so! If something does feel good, or you want to try something, say so! You should always stress this to your girlfriend as well. Lots of young women feel too shy to talk about sex, even though they are HAVING sex with someone, and often they are confused as to why sex is unsatisfying and they aren't having orgasms. You can only learn how to please her if she teaches you.
Also, one thing that is really important is you need to be totally familiar with your girlfriend's anatomy. Her body is totally different and will react differently than yours, which you probably have already seen some of this since you two have been sexually active in the past.
Here is a wikipedia site that will show you what the different parts of her sexual anatomy is.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vulva
The most important part of her sexual anatomy is her clitoris. Think of her clitoris as your penis and her vagina as your testicles. As much as you probably enjoy your testicles being stimulated and touched, it's generally not going to bring you to orgasm. A woman's vagina isn't that sexually sensitive. Most of her pleasure will be from clitoral stimulation, either manually, orally or with a vibrator. 90% of women can only reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation, and lots women cannot orgasm at all during intercourse. They must be stimulated either manually, orally, or with a vibrator before intercourse in order to orgasm. So, if she can't orgasm during sex with you, don't feel bad! You might not be doing anything wrong. It's very normal for her to have difficulty reaching orgasm during PIV (penis in vagina) intercourse.
Another thing you should keep in mind...Some guys, when they masturbate, they use very hard, fast motions and usually don't use lube. Generally, you want to treat a woman's body the exact opposite of how you treat yours. Her clitoris is probably extremely sensitive and a very delicate organ that is easily over sensitized and can get sore and raw very easily. Don't ever touch her with dry fingers...that can really hurt! Always use a sex friendly lube such as Astroglide or KY liquid...never use oil based lubes with condoms and never use spit, okay? Saliva contains small amounts of digestive juices that can dry out her genitals and make her feel very sore and raw. Not good!
Another good thing to remember: Most young women have difficulty reaching orgasm even during masturbating, and some women have not masturbated or had an orgasm, ever! Talk to her about this way before you two have intercourse, ask her if she's ever masturbated and if she's ever had an orgasm. If she has been able to bring herself to orgasm, have her show you how she did it. Learning from the person herself is the BEST way to know how to please her. As women get older, however, their ability to be more comfortable during sex is greater, and their ability to orgasm is greater as well, so keep in mind the fact that her age and previous experience plays a big part in how well she'll be able to relax during sex.
Also...women are totally different from men. We usually take a LOT longer to reach orgasm than you do. She might need up to half an hour or more of constant clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm, so be patient and keep trying! She might not have an orgasm the first time, or the thirtieth time! It takes a lot for a woman to get used to another person touching her genitals and sometimes they get nervous, scared or stressed out and their minds get too wrapped up in thinking to relax and enjoy the pleasure.
Now, for the MOST IMPORTANT PART! Always use protection, okay? Get both of yourselves down to a clinic and get a full range of STD testing, including HPV, syphilis and AIDS, and if you two both come back clean I suggest her getting on hormonal birth control (such as the pill, patch or shot) and you two STILL USING CONDOMS, all right? Doubling up on birth control is always a great idea...you two are both WAY too young to deal with a baby, and an unwanted pregnancy at your age could really put a bee in your bonnet. Hormonal birth control and condoms are not 100% effective against pregnancy, so keep that in mind. The only way to make sure you two simply CANNOT ever get pregnant is abstinence, so you're taking a risk by having PIV intercourse...remember that! If you absolutely cannot imagine ever being a daddy, it's probably best that you do NOT HAVE SEX with her right now. I know your hormones are raging and you want to, but you HAVE to think about this kind of stuff, okay? Being a responsible, mature person is about thinking about the consequences of your actions, and a baby is a BIG HUGE CONSEQUENCE!
I hope this information helps you relax and makes you really think about how serious sex and intimacy is. If you have further questions please feel free to email me anytime.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, 24yeahright  +, writes (31 January 2009):
Maybe you wont live up to her standards. Maybe she doesnt have very high standards. Maybe she wont live up to yours. Maybe you'll perform exceptionally well.Point is - If she wants it, you're eventually going to have to do it :) Drink some alcohol with her (not too much of course) and get relaxed and just see where the night takes you.
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A
female
reader, CarregCariad  +, writes (31 January 2009):
 You shouldn't be scared, you love this girl and to express it physically is only an extension of this love.But if you continue to feel scared, maybe it's a sign that you aren't ready for intercourse yet.If you can overcome it, just go with the flow. It's meant to be love-making, not just plain old sex.
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