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I'm prepared to do anything to get her back. Any advice?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Dating, Faded love, Love stories, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 January 2007) 8 Answers - (Newest, 10 January 2007)
A male age 41-50, anonymous writes:

hi, just wondering if anyone out there has any advice to get my girlfriend back?

we had been 2gether 10 1/2 years (engaged for 5) and i thought everything was fine, geting on as normal etc.

then out of the blue 2 weeks before xmas she told me she loved me but wasnt in love with me! we had both been drinking, so i left her (with her mum)to sort her head out and also as you can imagine i was in shock, we were living with her parents after selling our property and looking for a house.

she has recently changed her job from a 9-5 to woking shifts earlies, lates, weekends etc.

the next day she said she needed a couple of weeks, she was shocked when i took all my clothes! so i went to stay at my parents and told her i wouldnt contact her to give her space, but she could call me. she was calling me nearly every day to see how i was, i told her every day that i love her and miss her and she told me she missed me and she had bought me an expensive christmas present.,then said we were just seperated and still wearing her engagement ring, last week we met up, i bought her £45. worth of flowers and i told her how i felt about her and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. she didnt really say much that made sense things like ive never been single b4?, i dont get to go out and let my hair down anymore, but was huging me, saying she missed me and gave me a kiss on the lips! and was stil wearing her engagemnet ring. as you can imagine i am still confused and havent spoken to her for a week (i told her not to fone me so she could have some space and i wouldnt call her). i am seing her 2morrow to collect the rest of my stuff.

any suggestions as to what i can say or do to win her back, ive already told her im prepared to do anything.

View related questions: christmas, flowers

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A female reader, kath +, writes (10 January 2007):

kath agony auntfirstly if you are realy in love with her you have no reason to find someone elce so the contact you have now can grow! put the sparkle back in your eyes that won her over the first time!! not the desparation your fealing and when you meet tomorrow ask her for a date. you have to understand that she is at a changing/learning part off her life at work and play to. say that you dont have to be single to go out and have a good time. you must know what she likes dislikes loves and hates, after ten years so get your head together and take her out have fun and paint the town your colour!!!! good luck x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

we met up the other day and had a long chat. I suggested many solutions i.e. taking things slowly (dating again), counselling, anything i could think of, in no way was i pressurising or trying to bully her into anything. but she wouldnt agree to any of it. i think after 10 1/2 years there must be something there and you should at least try, but maybe that's just me.

her family say she isnt her usual self and i noticed this as well. She went really quiet when we went to the bank to close our joint bank account and crying when i gave her a list of our stuff in storage that needs to be divided up.

she said that she has changed as a person and she feels more confident (whatever that means).

She also said she cant bear the thought of me with someone else and if i find someone else she doesnt want to know.

She also said she needs to find herself (whatever that means)

We are still on talking terms and getting on like we usually did.

if anyone can shed anylight on this latest update it would be appreciated.

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A male reader, pdherb United States +, writes (4 January 2007):

I understand. My Ex left me after ten years also. If you truly love her and you can not see yourself with out her, then go get her! My only suggestion is sit down with her, and find out what her feelings are, why she made the decisions she made, and figure out something together to get back what you had. Be honest, and hold nothing back. Do not let something that may bother you come back to be a big problem later. Good luck.

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A female reader, Emu +, writes (3 January 2007):

Supplementary to the other replies which are pretty decent...

When she says she never gets to go out and has never been single, she probably just doesn't have many recent memories of going out. Feeling single isn't the same as being single. T feel single, encourage the pair of you to get ready to go on a night out with friends and try to act as though you are meeting for the first time, its really good fun and can be the match that would rekknle a spark.

i reckon your long engagement is the culprit for your relationship's dishevellment.

A wedding can be arranged in a week. I have seen it done.

If you and she are getting back together which i believe you will, you should attempt to be maried as soon as possible as it will at least make her feel better.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i did offer to get us a place 2gether and try that but she said it wouldnt work, as for being engaged for 5 years we did talk about marriage and having children, but we both were in no rush to get married. she asked if she could keep in touch and see how im doing every now and again. hopefully i will know more 2morrow.

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (3 January 2007):

eddie agony auntWhy have you been engaged for 5 years? I find that the strangest thing of all.

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A female reader, Miss trust +, writes (3 January 2007):

Miss trust agony auntIt all depends on if you both love each other enough to get back together.

It seems that she does feel things for you truly but is it enough? You both need to sit down and sort out your feelings together, do you really want to spend the rest of your lives together?

Maybe she is just confused about life having changed jobs and moved into her parents and finding a new house to live in. You just need to discuss this together. But also show her a good time, do something really special with her to rekindle that spark that may have lost its way.

Overall i believe you can save this realtionship, you just need to believe in it and so does she :)

I wish you good luck

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A female reader, Pretty and proud United Kingdom +, writes (3 January 2007):

Pretty and proud agony auntoh dear, im sorry to hear this it must be heartbreaking

so...

how to win a lady back:

1. do you remember how things used to be when you both first fell in love?

- All the nice things you said to her, all the romantic things you did for her? tell her she looks well and ask her how things are going, tell her you miss the romantic things you done together and ask if she'd ever take you back. just pour your heart out to her and hope she does the same.

2. DO NOT buy her anything you do not want her to think that you are trying to buy her love back

3. If she asks you to leave too soon just leave and put on a brave face, do not bully her to love you,

-This is easily done and can be mistaken for telling her how much you love her.

-DO NOT beg her to be with you

-DO NOT cry, i know only a real man isn't afraid to cry but you do not want her to think that she has done that because it will upset her more.

4. Suggest trying again, not full on being together but maybe a date or something and then just take it from there. 10 and a half years will be hard to replace but if she agrees to getting back with you its all worthwile.

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