A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im really stuck in a rut and have no idea what to do.First off i am seven months pregnant with my first child, also in been in a relationship with my partner for a year and a half, there was a time when he loved me so much, but since falling pregnant all he has brought me is tears and im deeply unhappy. he has been off with me for 3 months now, he comes home from work and heads straight for a shower which i find strange as he never use to do that, when he is at work i have checked through his stuff, i came across a pair of his worn pants, which had sperm stains on the bum area, i was puzzled because why would he have sperm on the bum area of his pants? could he be having gay sex? now i notice he likes to wash his own things so that i cant see, and alot of his pants he has been hiding, and most of them have holes in the crutch area which i dont understand. i have confronted him about all of this but he yells and loses his temper and says im twisted, but i feel like i have the right to be worried from what i have seen and the way he has been acting. we still have a good sex life, we have sex most days, but lately it is slightly dropping. i think he may be having sex with other men, or another man, but he only works with my dad, so if it was him sleeping with another man, it would have to be my dad, which makes me feel deeply upset. he never gives me the answers i need, he leaves me crying in bed at night, (dont even comfort me) we are due to move in a new home next week, im already thinking of moving in on my own, just me and the baby, because i feel he is lying to me. he tells me everyday he loves me, but i never believe he does, he always cuddles me and kisses me, but he dont tell me nothing, i just think im worth better and that if i dont end it now, he is going to really hurt me. the only thing is i still love him so much, i dont know how i would be able to live without him. but all we have done lately is argue, i think the only option left is to leave him, i have tried so hard to work it out but he never talks to me. im 18 and terrified of bringing up the baby alone, thats why im also scared of leaving him. i seem to think he is gay, i have asked him so many times, he always denies it. do you think im better off going my own way? and can you give me some advice on how to get over him when i do walk away. its just i cant get through the day without him, but all i have done these past few months is cry, so he cant be making me happy. also does it sound to you like he could be gay? it may sound crazy but then why would he have sperm on the bum area of his pants? please help im deeply depressed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): 'i think he may be having sex with other men, or another man, but he only works with my dad, so if it was him sleeping with another man, it would have to be my dad'...
Is your dad straight? And if not, might that help to explain (on some sub-conscious level) why you're so convinced your boyfriend is gay, and keep on asking him even though he's repeatedly told you he isn't?
A
female
reader, loraemoon +, writes (16 July 2010):
 i feel for you,because when you are convinced the one you love the most in the world is lying and cheating it destroys you from with in, i understand totally your concern it is a bit weired about the mess in the back of his underware and i would be worried of why he wants to now wash his own things, but on the other hand if sex is still good with you two i doubt hes cheating with anyone,,he probaly loses his temper because of the questions but if hes got nothing to hide why not be calm and talk it through, maybe he is so stressed out by it all and the fact of the baby coming very soon, ask yourself do you really think he could be gay? has he given you any indication at all that he could be?? and if he really was i dont think it would be with your dad! i think you really need to sit n discuss all this calmly, hard i know, but you both need to sort this before that innocent baby comes along,if he has cheated with either sex then leave!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (16 July 2010):
 I agree with *sexlessintheuk* I don't think he is having gay sex either.
I think he is stressed about the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): I think women tend to need more reassurance than what men do and all you might need to hear is him say i am not gay, im not sleeping with anyone else and i love you right? But if he has already done so you should leave it. There is no point in worrying about something you are unsure of or you will become even more stressed. If he is lying to you it will all come out one day and deal with it from that moment. If he wants to lie thats his problem you cant worry your whole life if someone is lying to you it is out of your control. But it does seem there is some communication issues or he is just sick of being questioned? He could be sick of you not trusting him and continously questioning him. If he is not communicating it can be hard to stay with someone if you are unhappy and feel like you are being lied to. You need to figure out if he has communicated and you keep nagging him? or if he truly acts as if he doesnt care and doesnt communicate.
If you decide to leave he may still want to be involved with the baby and you will never be alone as there is all sorts of help out there if needed. It is never easy leaving someone you have been with and shared so much, it will hurt but time heals and once the baby is born none of that will matter. If you are right about him then he doesnt deserve you and as hard as it is to believe there are great men out there that will worship the ground you walk on. But dont rush into anything rash until you are certain and maybe see how you go if you stop questioning him.. And always put yourself first pamper yourself!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): I honestly don't think your husband is having gay sex. I think you simply need to relax. Maybe he just has alot on his mind like you do - the new baby, new home, etc...
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (16 July 2010):
 When you are pregnant, some men are reluctant to have a sexual relationship with you as they fear hurting the baby or inducing premature labour. The underwear problem you describe could arise from him sexually releasing himself if you are not having sex as often as you once did. I think when you feel depressed then you can imagine all sorts of things because the mood disorder can bring on paranoia. I can understand why he would get upset if you said he was cheating and gay, if he is not. I think you should tell your midwife or GP how you feel at the moment. Prenatal depression is a high predictor of postnatal depression. You need monitoring for your own sake, as much as the baby. The first couple of months after the baby is born can be hell with the sleepless nights, the hormonal changes and the demands of a little one.
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