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I'm pregnant and alone. What should I do?

Tagged as: Pregnancy, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 March 2008) 14 Answers - (Newest, 16 August 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

hi, i'm 20 and i've been sleeping with my ex boyfriend, who i love, hoping he would want to go out with me again. i've only just found out i'm pregnant, and told him but he says he doesn't want me or the baby and not to contact him.

i unfortunatly don't have any friends as i've lost them due to moving and haven't been able to make any as i have an isolated job. i don't get on with my family and now all of a sudden i feel very alone. i don't see myself keeping the baby, but i feel very upset that i will be going through what lies ahead alone. Can anyone suggest anything i can do to get through this?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008):

First of all, You should just think of yourself and the baby! If he doesn't want to do anything with ya, you should get out! Is this your first baby? Is not too late, theres help available out there! Don't you ever think of having abortion!! You will REGRET IT!!! I am pregnant rite now, so, sometimes I do feel lonely when you don't have anyone next to ya but you got to make it work for you and the baby.

You need to go see your family. They always support you no matter what situations you in unless your family is really a stuck-up. Are you ready to be a mom? Its a big responsibility. Abortion is against my value so, I hope is not yours!!! Adoption is next so, hope you really sit down and talk to someone, there's is option.

Well, I hope you best of luck and stop stressing yourself out cause it only make it worse.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008):

the best thing you could do is tell your family i too am pregnant and my lowlife of an ex has done a runner.I didnt think i'd cope but after the initial usual parent lecture they've been great and very supportive.You have no need to feel alone tell them you'll be suprised.

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A female reader, Angle79 Cambodia +, writes (6 August 2008):

Angle79 agony auntHi sweetie,

You have done what you should have was telling your bf you are pregnant. He is irresponsible person and does not deserve to be the father of you baby.

Its time, talk to your family! I believe they are there for you and they will support you. I do not suggest you abort this baby. Its not the baby's fault. Be strong sweetie!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008):

iam 20 weeks pregnant id been with my ex for five years but i just found out he been sleepin with someone behind my back he blamed me because of my mood swings said he couldnt handle it anymore iam scared of doing this on my own but at the end of the day iam not alone i got someone inside me who am goin to love more than any man that what keeps me strong and us girls are stronger than we think what doesnt break you only make you stronger everything seems like it fallin apart right now but things can only get better

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A female reader, lt45mk United Kingdom +, writes (25 July 2008):

i am 4 months pregnant, and i turned my husband out 4 months ago, reason being he said that the baby was not his,now it has been 4 months on and he now tells me he was only joking.It really hurt me i am disapointed that he would say that to me his wife, this is his 2nd child and we planned this pregnancy. i am really stressing out now because it has been 4 mths im getting bigger every day and i dont have my husband 2 share my happiness with. im now wondering does he have som1 else,thats why he has not tryed harder with me. i think he has found an escape somewhere here.he knows im going 2 be alone and pregnant,while hes out there having fun that hurts me.i only 23 years old and i have always shaped my own future ,but it seems like he has pulled the plug and im drowning. i dont have any friends and my mum is not that helpful. i feel really alone the only person i have is my son.

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A female reader, kndy United Kingdom +, writes (14 July 2008):

Im am in a similar situation where i am 17weeks pregnant and alone. I was with the father for 3 years and last year I gave birth to a stillborn baby at 31 weeks after a difficult pregnancy which showed me I didnt have any real friends at all through depression me and the father spoke and decided to try and again since becoming pregnant I he doesnt want to no he has decided that he made this child with me out of guilt and that he doesnt want it. Bear in mind he had just told me in my 16th week as i havent heard from him from the day i found out i was pregnant. Anyway while he was gone i had been dealing with the grieve of my 1st born and him up and leaving I decided to attend church which hasnt really worked ou well only because walking into church alone just scares me but i joined a self development group to help me change myself or the sake of my child ass i cant bring up a baby depressed who no's what i would do! I am finding it very helpful nothings easy and its taking time as everything worth do does take time, I dont want a quick fix and after eveything i cant just jump back on the saddle because what i have been doing hasnt worked for me so i need to find new ways of dealing with things im doing this for me on the whole because I no i could lose this baby aswell so if you are not going to keep your baby you should do it for youas well. Turn to faith or do a self development course, join a aqua anatel or special pregnancy excercise class that way you get to met women that may be in a similar situ or just find a new way of dealing with things.

Hope i have been helpful

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A female reader, Natalie5835 Ireland +, writes (30 June 2008):

Hey, I'm 10 weeks pregnant by my pathetic excuse for an ex too, so dont worry. I kno how you feel. If you don't want to terminate but are not ready for single motherhood, adoption is another option for you. I'm terrified but I am not letting that ruin mine or the babies life, move home and ask your family for their support. you need them now.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008):

Hi i too av been abandoned by my babys father. I am nearly two months pregnant and also have a 6 year old (different dad also abandoned me). Please don't abort your baby as its not the babys fault its that cowards fault for not wanting to face up to his responsibilites like the recent dad to this one i am carrying he is blaming me for everything. He is now saying i tried to trap him and that i should of taken the morning after pill blar blar. The point is they are not strong enough to face up to their duty as dads. Trust me you are stronger than you think. Good luck with which ever decision you make. Lori xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008):

Are you still feeling alone? What as happened to you?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008):

These situations are always so hard.

You've got to think hard about the baby. If you're not the right person to be raising this baby then don't do it. This baby is not being brought into the world as a wanted child with two loving parents. I think you should abort the pregnancy if you are willing to pursue that option, or carry the baby to term and look into giving him/her up for adoption if you are not.

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A female reader, peaches83 United Kingdom +, writes (13 March 2008):

peaches83 agony auntI can understand exactly what yo are going through hunny.

I was 19 when i fell preganant with my son, although his father was ther for the first 2 months. We had moved out to a place that was away from my friends and family and knew no one, later the father ran off to america and married a girl over there leaving me in a place i didnt know.

Some may say that 20 is a young age to have a child i disagree. When you feel him/her growing inside you, you realise that its something great. Not knowing anyone can be hard because you dont have anyone to talk to but by going through with the pregnancy you could attend antinatle classes and there meet other mums to be etc.

Its a long stressful road i know but it can work out. Not to mention that if you decided to keep the child it doesnt mean that you wont find a partner to spend your life with. Many men want to be with single parents.

I wish you all the best and hope yu make the right desicions.

Peaches xx

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A male reader, CorpusDei United States + , writes (13 March 2008):

CorpusDei agony auntIt's a scary thing to be alone and pregnant, especially if you can't fall back on family or friends. Get in touch with your local Planned Parenthood office. Google "Planned Parenthood" or call 1-800-230-PLAN and get in touch with one of their counselors. They'll sit you down and talk you through a lot of stuff and help you try to find your feet and plan what you're going to do from here. They're going to have a lot more experience with what your local options are as well. In the event that they don't have a counselor on site, they should be able to recommend one, either privately or with your community clinic. Hang in there, K?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008):

This is a hard thing to go through by yourself. Think very carefully about this decision. I know its a very hard one and you feel alone and unable to cope. You don't live in my country, but if you lived here it would not matter that the father doesn't want to support you, it's the law. Probably your area's version of Planned Parenthood could put you in touch with some counseling (although they are biased towards abortion being your choice), some churches are associated with programs for unwed mothers. Our church helps support a home for unwed mothers. Maybe you could check a few churches and ask the pastor for help.

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A female reader, thatgothgirl20 United States +, writes (12 March 2008):

thatgothgirl20 agony auntFree counseling. Group therapy. Prayer. Journaling. etc. etc. etc. You could get some online friends as well!

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