A
female
age
41-50,
*otty
writes:hi. i wrote in yesterday about the contact between my bf and his ex, and how i went through his phone. i decided to ask him straight out about his feelings for her.he told me that he speaks to her on the odd occasion as he is grateful to her as she helped him with access to his son,(she was studying for a law degree at the time) but he realises they're not right for each other.of course me being me decided to push the issue and felt jealous of her sharing that with him. i wish i knew he felt like that from the beginning of our relationship it would have been easier for me to cope with. i think iv ruined everything. i tried to tx him to see if we can talk about it, but he hasn't replied.my so called friends didn't help the situation by making me paranoid about her and i listened to them more than i should have. can someone out there help me fix this. i really dont know what to do.
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female
reader, Cupcake  +, writes (22 September 2007):
 I was in a very similar situation, I had also found out on my own that my boyfriend had been talking to his ex for about 3-4 months about 5-10 times a month. Before I found out the truth, he lied to me about it, which is when i went searching.. When I confronted him with the fact I knew, he started to cry and let me know that it wouldnt happen again. He told me he only spoke with her as she wanted them to be civil and to speak as friends.. when she started talking about getting back together he ended contact with her. However this was very hard for me knowing he lied and was speaking with his ex, so I understand how you feel. You need to talk to him about it, and understand why he felt he should hide it from you.. Let him know how uncomfortable it makes you feel. And if he has any respect for your relationship he will stop all contact with her. If he does so you will need to put this behind you and just trust him. Its hard, im still having a difficult time with it as I only found out a month and a half ago. and it still pops in my head everyday. But you have to do your very best to let it go. But do make sure you speak with him about it, if he cares about you he will text you back and be willing to speak... I will say at first when I called my boyfriend and told him I knew he got angry and hungup... but called back about 30min later.. Hes doing this because he knows he got caught and also because he hurt you, men have a hard time owing up to a lie or being sneaky, im sure he will come around. I wish you luck!!
A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (20 September 2007):
 he's probably doing it purposely to wind you up, but then you're not going to beleive anything he says to you anyway because you are insecure about things, namely his ex. i do think he should have been honest with you from day 1 but he wasn't, which planted the seed of doubt and you're never going to completely trust him again, which he knows so he might be having second thoughts about your relationship because you'll be watching over him and checking his phone and arguing when you think he is lying and he doesn't want the hassle.give time and space to chill out and think about what he wants. and in the same breath, think about yourself, do you want to be with someone who is sneaking around talking to his ex unable to be honest because he knows how you'll react and therefore outs convenience over honesty? personally i think you could do better but it's your choice and good luck with it.
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