A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sorry for this long post in advance. I just left my super obsessive and manipulative boyfriend of two years. Towards the end of our relationship, he started doubting me for talking to a particular old friend of mine. I had no feelings whatsoever for this friend and was just casually talking to him. My ex went to the extent at that point of logging into my social media accounts and even blocking this friend of mine! Apart from this issue, our relationship had become about him and not us. He was struggling with his career (because he chose to play football even after he was injured), ended up injuring himself very badly and then wasn't able to find work at all or maybe he didnt want to. I had supported him financially for these two years when he didn't have projects to fall back upon for income. He always expected me to be there for him, even when I was ill and would guilt me into it at times if he had to! On top of this, he wanted to get married to me. Knowing he was financially unstable, he continued to put full pressure on me to marry him! Every time we had a fight in our relationship, i went back begging for forgiveness, but I had enough and this time I ended things with him. I have made it clear to him that I do not see a future with him and have stopped feeling the same way. I asked him to stop calling and texting me trying to convince me because I want space to find myself first. However, he continues to call and text everyday telling me he wants to wait for me (even when I dont want him to), that he is a complete mess without me, that he has started having anxiety attacks (he never had a history of it before), that he cant watch me drift away from him, that he has started losing weight, lost interest in his current work project, etc. He states that since I have broken up it is easier for me to walk away and he knows I am cutting him away from my life. But he doesn't want me to do so and give our relationship a second thought instead.It has gotten to the point where I am so frustrated with his constant calls and texts. I try ignoring him but he finds ways to contact me. He stalks me continuously and if he finds me 'online', he messages me immediately asking me who i am talking to this late :|He called me today saying his body had gone stiff and he wasn't able to breathe. When i told him to call a doctor or his parents regarding his condition, he immediately started yelling at me over the call, saying that when we were dating, i would run to him even if he had a little fever and now i dont care and would even stand still if he was dying!! I dont get how he had all that energy to yell over the phone and I find it very hard to believe!!! I want to just block him out of my life but he keeps coming back trying to guilt me into talking to him! I do not feel the way I used to for him, i do care but there is no love. Here he wants me to reconsider this relationship when all I want to do is run away from it. He accuses me of taking the easy way out but I have had enough!! I was just not happy with him and cant see a future with him. I asked him if he wanted me to take him back so he could be his happy self again and I'd just be the miserable person in the relationship, to which he just said that he was letting me go and letting me be happy while he is miserable. But his actions clearly dont match up! Please help me end this the right way!! I can't do this drama anymore!!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 April 2017):
 Block him on social media and change your phone number, it really is as simple as that. You need to cut all ties with him or else he is never going to stop calling you.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (24 March 2017):
 What I don't understand is, how can he find ways to talk to you? Why haven't you blocked him yet? You say you don't want him in your life but your words don't match your actions. How is it that he can see you online? The very first thing that you should have done was to either go 'invisible' yourself or to block him so that he can't see you. You know that he's looking to seek you out, you're available on the internet in places where he can see you and then you say that he's not leaving you alone.
Don't answer his calls and don't respond to any form of communication. Dying my foot! How can you not see that he's just being a royal ass and trying to blackmail you into staying with him? Nothing's going to happen to him and even if it does, it's not your problem. Tell him that if he doesn't stop with his tricks then you will inform the police. This is downright harassment and you have had enough. He should understand that no means no and the relationship is over for good.
If you really want to get out of this then you have to be strong. Block him completely, tell your family and friends that you are done with him and that he refuses to leave you alone so that they can come to your help if needed. Don't get guilt tripped into staying with him... You don't owe him anything. He's lying through his teeth to get you to sympathize with him and he thinks it'll get you to go running to him. Please don't give in to these games.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2017): I understand how you feel and have recently been in your place.The thing is, although you SAY you want him out of your life, you are not ready to do this. The mind and the heart has to be in sync in order for you to leave this relationship. You are still answering his calls and you allow him to contact you. You are still responsive to him. We can all tell you to block him and change your phone number or even move to live else where. But as long as you allow yourself to be responsive to him, you will never fully let go. There is nothing anyone can say to you. You have to WANT to and be READY and DETERMINED to leave. I didn't block my ex, he is still calling and texting. But when I see the calls and texts I remember how unhappy I was when I was talking to him. I don't want to be unhappy anymore, so each time I make the conscious decision to not respond. No matter how many calls or how many texts or what he says or how sorry he is, I have decided I'm not going to answer because I know that if I go back, it will be the same thing. I'm proud of each day I make the conscious decision to not reply to him. I am so happy now and enjoy my life so much more!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2017): Since you can't seem to block him out or avoid his hacking; you'll have to get a new phone with a new service provider.
Close all your social media accounts for now. Later, when you resubscribe; make sure you have security filters to protect your identity and hide your postings. If you're on Facebook, he'll find you through your relatives and mutual acquaintances. So temporarily close-down the account for a few months. No Snapchat or Instagram!!! That's taunting him! Ask friends and relatives not to disclose your number, and don't give it to unreliable people who don't honor your wishes. You should also have speed-dial emergency-contacts for protection. Those who can arrive quickly on the spot.
Contact police first, if you fear for your safety.
Alert HR on your job to contact the police if he harasses you at work. If you don't resolve it, they'll fire you. You endanger the safety of coworkers with your unresolved domestic issues, and disrupt your workplace. Take different routes home. Ask a male family-member to escort you when shopping or running errands. Change routines and places where you shop. Ask your male-friends to drop-by to check on you.
You may even have to go to the police to file a restraining order. I don't know what your local police force is like there in India; some police departments don't respect women enough to pay any attention to their complaints. This is anywhere in the world. Males side with males; because even cops misbehave in their personal-lives regarding domestic disputes or domestic violence. So they can sometimes be unreliable out of empathy for the guy. You can also ask for a female cop, if you have to make a call for help.
The mistake made in this case was remaining with a man showing unstable behavior and supporting him when he wouldn't work. Ignoring all the red-flags. He has now become emotionally and financially-dependent on you; and he knows other women wouldn't want such a man. Stop responding to calls or text messages. Ignore them completely. Not even to ask him to stop.
What good are they unless you reply? You know how to delete messages. So do it! Stop contributing to the drama.
There is no way to do it right-away. It must be done methodically and consistently. Police don't like getting involved with domestic issues; mainly because women end-up taking the men back, they won't press charges, or they don't report when retraining orders are violated. If you take action, you have to firmly stand your ground. If you keep responding to his calls or messages; they may not take you seriously. Alert a neighbor you trust to call police if he hangs around when you're not at home.
Most women I know can turn to the men-folk in their family's to help put a stop to ex-boyfriend-drama.
The problem with that is the same as with police. Or, a lot of woman pick losers and become estranged from their families who didn't like him from the start. If you didn't heed their warnings about him; they'll leave you to sleep in the bed you've made. Not to mention they may even distance themselves out of embarrassment and avoidance of the cycle of drama that continuously repeats itself. In spite of their persistent advice to leave him. I suspect your mother warned you dozens of times, and you didn't listen! Now you can't face her to avoid hearing "I told you so!" Am I right?
Take steps and stand your ground until he decides to give-up. Let him do whatever he threatens to do himself; which 99.99% of the time he'll never do. Let his family take care of him. He knows you're going to give-in, if he annoys you long enough. If you ignore him and stay no-contact; he'll tire and move on. It's going to be a lengthy and frustrating process. Depending on who's the most unyielding. Persistence only works if you bend or break.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2017): You are too young to be trapped like this.
If he ever tells you he is dying again then call the ambulance for him if it is a free service and let him do the explaining.
I think he was going stiff but in a macho way ,trying to get you to come over to massage his ego!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2017): The very first step is to block him from all social media. I know it's difficult, but that's the challenging but most effective way of ensuring he has no access to your whereabouts. Block his numbers from your phone too. Even if he calls from other numbers, chop those calls off whenever you hear his voice. He must receive the message loud and clear that you want this relationship to end. You've taken the right decision to end things with him as he's a paranoid, insecure freak with no financial stability. Marriage with him is OUT OF THE QUESTION. I'm an Indian woman, and I know that men indeed get responsible if they indeed harbour genuine feelings for the opposite gender.
I wish you good luck with your future.
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