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female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes: Okay... so I'm ONLY into older men... it really sucks for me. anytime i like a guy there is always a problem regarding his age, but the sad thing is that i cannot help it. i really try to like guys my age, but it doesn't work out. it really hurts me. i haven't been in a relationship for the longest because of this problem. also what sucks for me is that i am a minor... well 17. that is not far away from being legal, but still my life sucks. since i was young i had to deal with this problem. i don't know how to help myself. any male i am attracted to or i have a crush on backfires on me because of my age ... what should i do?p.s - the guys i usually fall for are around the ages of 25-40
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): Actually you are somewhere afraid to mix up with guys of ur age because lesser the age difference in the relationship greater is the competition of proving who is DOMINANT in the relationship i.e. (guy or girl) as both of you are somewhat equally mature.To balance such a relationship you must be having some strong points inside you with which can gain importance in the relationship & then let your partner take the lead when you think he is more worthy.This will definitely develop into a strong emotional bond gradually & give you time to KNOW each others likes & dislikes
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): well i was in the same situation as you, since i was 15 i was attracted to older man. I think its normal i think you want to feel small and sexy to youre man. Usually older man will treat you likea princess and take care of you if thier own life is secure. They will get you what ever you want and ofcourse they are wiser the older they are. i think you are attracted to that to. I am 20 right now and my boyfriend is 40, i love how much attention he gives and calls me his little girl. So i think its normal but be aware my suggestion dont go over 42ok. best of luck to you...
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female
reader, Ask oldersister  + ♥, writes (1 May 2008):
 To: A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008):
This was an excellent post! Who are you?!!! Why are you hiding???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): I've seen a lot of questions relating to young woman falling for older men. I've been there and through much soul searching and heart-ache, I want to share something with you; dating older men when you are young and sexually attractive is easy. Its a no-brainer -- except of course when you're in this pattern of behavior.Many older men and some women (although I think culturally, the pendulum swings to favor men in this instance -- I'll get to that), will find that younger people may find them attractive. They put out feelers, engage in flirtation and just one time or another they get a hit -- BINGO!Why would an older person flirt with or make intimations with a younger person? If that individual is someone who craves undying adoration without committment, unquestioning faith in their "wisdom" and sage advice and most importantly, the ability to control the relationship from beginning to end, why not? And to boot, they get a pretty fine package of an age group where male or female, physically speaking, the human body is at its peak of attractiveness ( in our culture ) and sexual prowess.What could be better? Complete control, no committments, ability to manipulate to suit your needs and great sex!Now, what do you get? Why do you keep looking for older men? Well, for one thing, they are trying harder to get YOU. They have to put out a lot of feelers to get some game and probably don't have a lot coming back to them. Afterall, they aren't exactly prime stock anymore and aren't carousing with the boys (lets hope) looking to "pick-up". They are out of the dating game, they've probably married or are married (which is a whole 'nother ball a wax) and have kids, responsibilities, a boring job, debts, pain, sadness, regrets, crow's feet, sagging pectorals, possibly a little ED and some bad habits that they'd rather a potential mate overlook.What better than a doe-eyed junior to the scene of the grown-up world, or even better yet, a near-kid of the late teenage years? To an average woman their age their experiences are mundane, to an average woman possibly there exist cracks in the picture, fissures in the veneer that the more wizened experienced and discriminating woman can pick out. But a young woman? Probably not and if they showed, a little explanation and embellishment will go a long way.Then there's the sex, isn't it great? They do everything can they to please don't they? And the money. Even if he's not well off he came appear that way to you, being that you haven't the knowledge of years of adult living to tick down the assets, the cost of living, the possible wages, retirement, child support. Although they know whether this guy is loaded -- or just full of it, a younger woman probably wouldn't. So he can play his game of gifting, lavish nights out. Nothing is too rich to put on the ritz and play the Big Man for his new little girl.And that's what you are to him, whether you're 15, 25 or 35, if he's got a significant seniority on you, then that's the ticket he's playing and he's playing it for all its worth, I assure you. It feels wonderful doesn't it? To be cherished and adored, to be pampered like he does. I mean he tries so hard...The only problem is, you are missing out on living out your life and your destiny. You are wasting some of your important growing years on this guy who probably isn't going to do any growing or changing.Worse part is that as you mature, if you find one you like and decide to keep hanging around him, you will eventually grow. No matter how much he may try to prevent it, life will get in your way and demand in ways you won't expect, to take responsibility, to change and adapt. He may help you through hard times, but I guarantee you he'll be working hard to keep you 'little girl'; to put you right back into your naive little girl place where everything he said was gilded with the wisdom of age and nothing he could say could be wrong.Woody Allen made a movie in the late seventies, "Manhatten". In it a older man (played by Allen) becomes infatuated with a younger girl. She wants to continue the relationship to the next step of seriousness, throughout the movie, he doesn't, he wants her to move on and grow, to enjoy the parts of her life she has yet to discover. She wants to stay. In the end, she decides to stay and all is well. But turns out Woody was just a man who was seeing his adopted daughter, twenty or thirty years his junior, so we can re-intrepret this movie. It really is about a man who tries hard to stick to his principles, but really is a hypocrite, who in the end, gives in to his own selfish desires and does what he knows he shouldn't; allows the young girl to stay with him and advances the relationship. She chucks her future for him.Frankly, how selfish is this? And the next biggest question, is what else do you get out of chasing and wanting older men?Unconditional love (he will most likely work harder for you than most men your own age would) and protection; a place for you to hide.Examine why exactly you are turning off to men your own age. Do you have anxiety about dating? Are you fearful that you will not measure up to them? Does the prospect of competing with other young women like yourself seem frightening?To a younger, attractive woman dating can seem dangerous and intimidating. The degree of fearfulness or anxiety you have toward dating and having an egalitarian relationship may spring from your past experiences with your male peers.You are not happy with yourself and your concern about marrrying an older man isn't so bad (you can't marry anyone without your consent you know) as much as the possibility that you will spend a good portion of an important stage of your personal growth with someone who will contribute very little that and who most likely has everything to gain by preventing your growth.So, in a nutshell, why do younger women like older men?1. They are emotionally safe (less demanding of you meeting their needs).2. They are easily available -- they will aggressively pursue you, thus allowing you to become a passive participant and saving you from the demanding rigors of facing rejection through the dating process.3. They need you and thus will work harder to get you. You like this, at first you think it puts you in the driver's seat; this is a ploy.4. They offer security, whether financially, emotionally or both. You can play little girl and he can play the big man in control. Not so much father image as someone who will take the bulls by the horn in the relationship and not that this is bad; at least not at first.5. They are more self assured and seem more confident, thus are more stable as well. This is seductive to someone who deep down inside doesn't feel confident on their own. They offer sustenance, whether with funds or emotionally, that you probably think you can't find anywhere else; you idealize them as wiser and thus as a helper to you.There, there's more but that's a summary of the most important points. I'd suggest you look at yourself a little harder, the answer lies within you, not anywhere else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): I am 25 and happily married to a man that is only 4 years older than me, but for the longest time I felt the same way as you. In fact he is the first man I have had a serious relationship with that hasn't been at least 5 years older than me (I "dated" lots of guys my own age... but nothing serious). We have been married for 3 years now, but every now and then I'll see a man in his mid 30's and think little dirty thoughts.The absolute best sexual relationship I have ever had was with a man that was 10 years my elder. We had a non-committed relationship for about 2 years, we were very close friends and it seemed that he ALWAYS knew just what to do. I knew just what he wanted as well. We would "play" till the sun came up. I think that one of the reasons that we were so compatible sexually is that we both had very similar personalities and we were not afraid to ask for certain sexual requests. There were times where he would give an idea and I wouldn't be into it and visa versa and we never felt obligated to go along with something we were not comfortable with. His experience and my curiosity blended together with our close friendship made everything really great. We really took the time to learn about and respect each other. I think that this is the reason that I have always been attracted to older men.You say that "I'm only attracted to OLDer men, whereas I'm 17. How do I stop this?"... I would advise that you not totally stop it. Have a few relationships with men your own age or maybe 3 years older. ALWAYS be honest about your age though. Since you are not yet 18 some men might react very badly if you lie and say you are 18 and they find out that you are under age. Also, make sure that the older men you are with are not just using you and taking advantage of your inexperience. Communication is very important and can lead to amazing emotional and sexual experiences.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): I am in the exact same situation you are, physically, mentally, emotionally. I am 17 years old and I find myself ONLY attracted to older men; usually 25-40, as you said yourself. I will be attracted to guys my own age, however once I talk to them for longer than a few minutes I am instantly turned off, whereas an older man keeps me learning and interested because you see they have depth and an understanding of the world. Not saying younger guys dont, but they haven't really grown into themselves yet. Anyhow, you really can't stop these feelings, they are natural. Reason Being: You are Mature for your age. Youre an old soul, like myself. I wouldn't be surprised if you said you were an only child! I also wouldn't be surprised if you fantasize about being with an older man. It's perfectly normal, just follow your heart and intution. Just be careful because not everyone is going to be as empathetic.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): I found this after I was searching for answers as to why I'm more attracted to younger women. Seems like it goes the other way too.
To give you a perspective from the other side, the reason I don't want to get involved with someone younger is because women change a lot. From what I've seen, there seems to be something magic about the 22-24 age for women--they start to come into true focus as to who they are and what they want at this age. And a lot of times, they leave behind what they thought they once wanted. I've seen several friends and relatives who were going to marry their girlfriends of several years just get dumped when the girl turned 22 or 23.
For your situation, I'd ask you to do the same exercise I'm doing myself--ask yourself, "why?" What is it about the older man that attracts you? And when you answer that question, ask "why?" to the answer. Keep asking "why?" until you find the source of it all. Then you can better understand yourself and how you can approach this issue in a positive and healthy way.
It's kinda funny, one of the best friends I've ever had was a girl I saw across a room. We talked for hours and I didn't even know her name. I found out later she was 14. I was 24 at the time. We were best friends for about a year and then we just stopped being close. We still see each other around town and at certain events. She called me a few days ago to wish me a happy 33rd birthday. I'll be calling her next month to wish her a happy 23rd. You never know where something like this can end up. Just remember that everyone is constantly growing. And growing doesn't have an age.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): I have the same problem, I'm 16, and I can't get a crush on a guy my age. I try to force myself to forget about older guys and like my peers, but thats impossible. The guys I'm attracted to are in the 25-35 range. A lot of my guy friends are adult men...I guess I just like the idea of being with mature people. The one guy I've been in love with for a while is 31 and I really am embarrassed that I have a crush on him, because who would approve of someone my age liking someone his age? Then sometimes I wonder if he thinks the same thing, just because we're really good friends. Could it just be our ages holding us back? But I doubt he thinks of me like that haha. I feel like I'm someone in their 20s stuck in a 16 year old body. Even by the time im not a minor anymore, it'd still be weird to most people if a relationship flourished with such an age disparity.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): Teenage boys mature at basically the same time as teenage girls. Society just likes it better when we tell ourselves otherwise because it excuses the older guy/younger girl hookups.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): Given that young females are far more mature than their male counterparts I can understand a 17 year-old going for a 25 year-old. 30s and 40s is pushing it though ...
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): You really have to ask yourself why older guys would want to be with you in the first place-if they do there is something definately wrong with them. So, as I see it, you two would work out perfectly if you want to be seen as sick by some. Get over this stage and fast, it's not healthy!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2007): Having feelings for an older man isn't wrong! i was 16 when i started dating my partner, he was 33. where iam from 16 is legal, which is different from you. people will comment, say nasty things, but it is becoming more common. personally i prefer older men because they aren't silly immature little boys. 4 years on i am still with my man X
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female
reader, kittykatty97 +, writes (20 November 2007):
Hey,Listen, I totally know how you feel. Im 16 right now and i like a guy who lives 40 minutes away from me and is 24. He likes me back though so my situation is a little bit different than yours. Trust me i know how much it sucks having crushes on guys that old. Sure ive had a few that were my age but they are mostly evil and immature (like im one to talk!) Alot of guys out there arnt going to be interested in someone our age unless they just think we're some hot easy piece of ass. I know everyone says 'age doesnt matter if you love each other' but guess what? IT DOES. Take me for example. I like a guy 8 years older than me and im only 16. When we first started dating i was so happy that i had him that i told my friend over the phone. I didnt know that my brother was listening at my door though so he found out. That sucked!!! He says that if he finds out ive done more than hug him, (weve been 'dating' for about 2 months and havnt even kissed yet) that hes gonna call the cops on him. Plus he keeps using that as blackmail. Its not like i wanted to fall in love with a guy that much older than me. I just did! That was one of the biggest mistakes of my life because now im too scared to do anything. Im a bad liar so people find things out easily from me. Yeah i know that got so off track its insane, but my point is, go ahead and like the guys that old. I know thats not good advice but i just wanted to say something.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007): hey i am 16 and atm have fallen for a guy who is considerably older than to give u an idea 30 years. Its not easy i have known him for a year found out we both had feelings about 3 months ago, no one but me and him, my parents for a start would go crazy as would friends and family. No one knows how you feel unless your put into the situation, i love this man more than any other boyfriends i have had my own age and feel more for him than anyone else ever. What we're going to do yet we havent decided its too soon and we're still working round the age gap, and for the record we are not havin sex yet!! and nor is he pressuring me too. Our relationship is everything i could wish for its safe, loving, caring secure and happy. There is no hidden agenda's, no secrets jus plain love and adoration an we would both be happy to settle down together right now. You dont find that with lads around our age most of the time there only after one thing sex, the majority of the time they're too immature and selfish, not treating how you want to be treated and get bored. Older men are different they understand which is why younger women are attracted to them. I understand how you feel because when i first met my man i thought i was stupid and ignored it choosing to think it was soem stupid crush, i now realise it is def more than that. All i will say is you are perfectly normal and to nhave a relationship with an older man is fine in my eyes although i would tread carefully, alot of men will see you as young flesh perhaps so be extremely carefull in your choices and dont be pressured into things.Hope it all goes well
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): Girls who have not had a decent stable father figure are often much more deeply set on getting much-older boyfriends. That may be playing a role in this depending on your past.
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female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help  +, writes (13 November 2007):
 well its not a problem to like older men im very attracted to older men and yes i have gotten hurt but if older men have turned you down yes it is because of your age but than they respect you and the fact that your parents might kill him for taking a way your incocents thats if you still have it anyway. But don't think there is anything wrong with you, you just feel that older men know what they are doing and you want that secure feeling. ust be careful some men like to take advantage and see how far they can make you go with them. Make them wait if they like you they will wait till you are ready if they finish wit you because you said no to sex than you know thats all the want or if they keepasking for it or if you love me you will have sex with me, tell them if thats all they want you walk away and if he chases after you than sometimes you know he does genually like you. just be careful
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female
reader, whiteshadow +, writes (13 November 2007):
 There isnt a way to stop it really. I think anyone can work if they really both try and want it. I have been with a guy 11 years older before at a younger age and everyone said it would never work out and it did ( i still see him now ). I find myself attracted to older men in the same age range too and i am nearly 20 now. I know alot of people would disagree with me but i believe strongly that theres nothign wrong with fancying older people. its just a natural thing like a women might like a guy who is tall rather than small or thin/fat. You get the point :) You will defo meet someone like yourself.there are younger guys tho that have older minds and look older. good luck hun!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): Just cut out all men and women older than you until you are 18 (or 16 in my part of the world) and then you'll be fine.
Besides, like HOUSE said... What kind of future are you hoping for with them? 9 times out of 10 at least one of you will end up in jail.
Flynn 19
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): i tell you what, just get into a relationship with a guy of your age whether you love him or not; then who knows he might end up with being love of your life and you might fall in love with him gradually.
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