A
female
age
30-35,
*dcgirl
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, and the first couple times we were intimate, I was not on birth control, and he refused to wear a condom. He told me to trust him, reassured me that I would not get pregnant, and promised he would pull out. (Which he did). Thankfully, I didn't get pregnant. We decided not to risk it anymore and per his request, I got on birth control since he still refused to wear a condom. Now that I'm on the pill, he is absolutely paranoid that I am going to get pregnant. Yet, he doesn't pull out anymore. He is constantly bringing up the topic of pregnancy and says that he does not want any more kids. (He has 4 from a previous relationship). If I'm not feeling well, or have a cold, he is convinced I'm pregnant. I don't understand his way of thinking. I did exactly what he asked, got on the pill! Prior to being on birth control, when it was possible to conceive, I was the paranoid one and he was the one reassuring me. Now that I'm on birth control, it's the other way around. I have tried to put his mind at ease and we have the same conversation over and over again, with me telling him to trust the pill or wear a condom. Almost every time we are intimate, I hear the same crap, "what if you get pregnant?" Aside from this, our relationship is great. I love him and his kids. How do I get him to relax and not be so paranoid? Thank you everyone.
View related questions:
conceive, condom, the pill Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (12 April 2015):
 At the risk of sounding cliché, there is a word that describes those who rely on 'pulling out' as an effective means of contraception.......PARENTS.
Wearing a condom might not feel as good as going 'bareback' but it's a lot safer. If he were really that worried, he'd make the sacrifice and he certainly wouldn't leave the prevention of such a life altering event solely up to another person.
My guess is he's really just warning you that if you do become pregnant you'll be expected to either have an abortion or raise the child yourself.
My advice to you is to stop reassuring him. Use the Socratic Method. That is, make your point not with statements, but with questions designed to get HIM to think. And/or you could suggest, in a non judgmental matter of fact tone that perhaps you should hold off sex until he feels more confident about it or insist you'll only engage in it if he wears a condom. Just keep it brief, but not curt and be light hearted but matter of fact.
In future...understand that a person who is truly concerned about something would not rely solely on another person to prevent that something when they could easily do so themselves.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 April 2015):
 So he's paranoid, but he does nothing about it.
Listen, the kiss of death in a sex life should be "Trust me - I'll pull out", especially since on 4 different occasions, he obviously did not succeed in doing so.
There are other reasons to wear a condom, and STI's are top of the list.
This guy WILL get you pregnant. He's "paranoid" because that's what he does. He's like the guy who is afraid to get hit by a car, yet he strips naked and goes dancing on the freeway during rush hour.
If the guy truly WERE paranoid, he'd wear a condom. But what he really hopes is that YOU will do all the work for him. Selfish prick.
...............................
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (10 April 2015):
he sounds stupid. He wont pull out yet he thought that was more effective than you taking the pill, since he didnt worry then but now he does. Tell him to wear a condom or quit complaining.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 April 2015):
 Tell him no condom, no sex.
I find it rather ridiculous that he is so worried NOW... AFTER making 4 kids.... Honestly YOU are the one who should worry. If you get knocked up and he leaves... you will get a pittance in child support. Because you can not pluck hairs of a bald man.
With him OBVIOUSLY having had unprotected sex SEVERAL time before you... HAVE you two had a STD panel done?
...............................
|
