A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello :) I'll keep this as short as possible... Well basically my bf and I have been together for over a year now. And recently, v talked about blowjobs and handjobs.. And well so far I'm not very successful at any of those. And like my bf feels a little down about that. And well, I told him I was trying my best. I mean literally had no clue what they were before (some time ago) but now I have an idea of it. But somehow, I still can't seem to be able to give him one properly.. I read some articles about it but i don't know what's wrong with me... I just can't seem to be able to do it. I try not to bring up the topic but he talks about it to me. And like he gets himself upset a little after. So idk what to do really. Any tips/suggestions? Btw don't takes this the wrong way.. My bf and I have a really good relationship, we communicate well and we love each other a lot. It's only this thing that recently occurred to us. Please help! Thank you!
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (11 March 2015):
 Ask him what he would like. You're not a mind-reader and what one man might like could be a total turn off to another man.
So if you two have a great relationship and communicate well then it's time to put that into practice and get serious about what he likes and doesn't like. And of course you can be specific about what you like and don't like.
TALK to him! Ask him direct questions. "Do you like it when I do this?" "Do you like it when I do that?" "What can I do to make this feel wonderful for you?"
Talk!
Good luck.
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (10 March 2015):
Porn. Gay porn to be exact. Not even joking.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2015): I really like what WiseOwl has said and it is a slightly different angle, however I did not get that vibe from your question,so I'll offer yet another angle:-he gets upset when you can't do it to his standard/in a way which pleases him-you were not aware about this problem previously (from what I read in your question?So maybe you still were giving blowjobs but did not they were not working for him?)-he has now finally built up the courage to say that he does not like what you do and now he shows his dislike for it more freely than before (i.e. after every time that it does NOT work out)You really need two things-positive reinforcement (i.e. he needs to tell you what you do well and give you pointers on what he would like)-to really like it yourself (and I suppose, after a while you do start to look at it that way...)I mean,I was very surprised to start liking it myself-it kinda crept up on me and I did not expect it. If WiseOwl is right and you find it disgusting,degrading etc-he is right you're not gonna enjoy it.I was like that. And I made my opinion VERY clear (I personally really found it VERY off putting and degrading. It also had something to do with porn,I think (that I had seen when I was younger/still learning)-in it all the "money shots" of cum etc. were very disturbing and off putting with men coming onto women's faces and expectation to swallow etc.)Make your boundaries (your boundaries at the moment-they might change as you get used to it) very clear to your bf-if you do not wanna swallow or have him come over you, then say so.Guys know when they are about to come and can control those reflexes or let you know that they're coming a few secs before (if they say otherwise-LYING! E.g. In my case, it was really funny how he was saying he can't really control that until I said : "Well,I have a really strong gag reflex so if you do come inside my mouth, that's fine, but I might just vomit all over you and your precious penis". Guess what? Since I've used that line,I've NEVER had to deal with anyone being unhappy about not cumming inside my mouth, me swallowing, cum over my face or whatever. It just worked. They magically knew when they were coming and controlled themselves. Your bf,if in the same age range as you, is very young and might need to learn some of that self-awareness and self-control)Another thing to help you with this: after a while,in a committed relationship (and I'm speaking a while!! 3 years in my case), I was actually happy to give blow jobs.Basically I still thought then (and still think now) that blow jobs are despicable, degrading etc. BUT , gradually, I felt so comfortable with with HIM that a blowjob was not degrading. I liked pleasing him and honestly, I actually started looking at it as power-you have the power to please him.Can you try to look at it that way? You have the power to please him and actually to trust you very much with something so delicate and so important to most men (i.e. their penis) is a very nice feeling. You kinda need a bit of free reign to get there though (so do make him aware of that).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2015): Why don't you ask him to show you how he wants you to do it, and let him give you instructions?
I think the problem is, you don't like to do it and have a hangup about it.
If it disgusts you, and you get no personal-pleasure in doing it; then you won't make any effort to figure it out. My dear, it isn't that complicated. Anyone who can eat a popsicle, or suck a lollipop, can do it.
Pull a condom up over a banana. Grip your hand around the banana, and see if you can make the condom go up and down over the banana using a slight grip. When actually doing it, cup your one hand under his scrotum and one around his penis. Gently stroke and squeeze. Do it fast and slow. Watch his face for encouragement.
You're not being honest with your boyfriend that you don't like to do it. Your question was presented to us; because you're running out of excuses with your boyfriend. If you can allow yourself to be open-minded about doing it; and stop being grossed-out about it, it will become a pleasure.
It doesn't make you a freak or a bad-girl. You're doing it for someone you love. You just have to adjust your mind to it.
Be honest with yourself; you didn't say it here or confess it to your boyfriend. It grosses you out.
A little more practice and you'll get pass the uncomfortable feelings about it. I understand. You're just not used to it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 March 2015):
 Do you like doing either?
When you enjoy what you do, the outcome tends to be a lot better. Try not to see it as a job (even though it is called hand JOB and blow JOB). It's something for YOU to enjoy. Look at it that way, and it will make a big difference. Only do to him what you like to do. Touch him the way you think is nice, and by listening to the sounds you make, and looking at how he moves his body, you will know if he likes it too. But don't make it your goal to make him orgasm. You should touch and lick as a part of foreplay, and then just go as far/keep at it as long as you feel like, then and there. If you get tired, or feel you want to stop, have him finish himself off while you touch him, or have intercourse.
The skill will develop over time, so don't be afraid to practice and ENJOY it. Do it for YOURSELF because you enjoy it, and not because you want to do a job for him.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 March 2015):
 In your case, I have advice that goes against a hard and fast rule I have always taught on DearCupid. However, I think you'll benefit from it.
I have always told guys wanting to learn sex techniques NEVER to use porn as an educational tool, and that is true. Porn is designed as a visual stimulator for whoever's watching it and doesn't reflect on true techniques to make a woman happy.
HOWEVER.
The exception to that rule is regarding internet porn - preferably amateur stuff. Studying how oral and handjobs given by skilled providers on men can up your game big time in how it's done.
I can't break a hard and fast rule on explicitness on here to tell you how, but one thing to remember - good oral sex involves the hands AND mouth. The glans of the penis (the tip) is the most sensitive part of it, especially the underside of it. Many guys love the scrotum or that area between the penis and the scrotum rubbed as well.
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