A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've always dated guys my age or slightly older however I've been seeing this guy (for 7 months) who is 4 years younger than me. I'm 27, he's 23. We get on really well but he does a few things which I'm not sure about.For example we went out to eat at a restaurant and his food came with a thick wedge of lemon for him to squeeze over the food but instead he said he wanted to show me "something amazing" so he proceeded to eat the entire lemon wedge, making funny noises and pulling funny faces as he was doing so- which then other people noticed and started staring....He also always dresses quite scruffy when when we go out - to the point where we've been refused entry to some places. He always wears t.shirts and army trousers and hoodies - I appreciate he has to wear suits at work so he likes to be comfortable out of work, which when we are at each others houses is fine but not when we are on a night out.I tried telling him (nicely) to smarten up and when we arranged to see each other he said that he'd made an effort but was really nervous... When i saw him I couldn't see a difference... He had only taken off his leather bracelets which he felt "naked without"!He also likes to break dance, so when we manage to to get in to a club he does all these moves in the middle of the dance floor- he's ok at it, not great but acts like he's the next best thing.Then he always likes to impress me by how much he can eat and when I went over to his house he wanted me to watch him eat an entire family size apple pie- so I had to spend time watching him eat... I know I probably sound like a snob writing this but it's beginning to irritate me a bit. I'm not sure if it an age thing or because he's trying to impress me. I always assure him I'm happy , which I am- we get on well but it's just these little things he does that make me cringe.He has dated older women in the past so it's not like he's in experienced. Any thoughts??
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male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (30 April 2014):
 Bottom line: you are a grown woman, He is an adolescent. You clearly like a man to act mature, sensible and dress smart, He likes to involve to "impress" with adolescent antics and laddish larking about.Your not a snob, just at an age where you want to be taken more seriously, gain respect and be seen as someone who has out grown your youth and become a woman, an adult. While he is still into attention seeking, childish antics and messing about. I think mentally the age gap is huge. He dresses like a teenager, clearly cant be bothered to make the effort and you obviously feel he is showing you up. Imagine if the two of you were to go out socially with your work collegues whom you wanted to impress? Clearly you want to be taken seriously and be seen as promotion material or at least a grown woman and not a kid. If he acted like THAT in front of those people it would be so embarrassing. I met a young woman recently who I felt was sensible, articulate, mature and very much a grown woman despite being just 23. A few hours later I met her boyfriend who greeted me with arrogant swagger, an adolescent handshake ritual and the words "dude! Geezer! Safe man safe!" To be honest, from that point on I dismissed the woman I had up until that point respected as being a kid. I guess I thought that if she was attracted to that kid of behaviour she wasn't as mature as I thought. You don't want to put yourself in that position as you sound very sensible and articulate. If I was 23 and had a GF of 27 I would be trying hard to come across as mature and grown up. I would want my partner to see me as an equal not a kid or someone less mature than she is. The fact he is doing the opposite say a lot about where he is at in terms of his maturity right now. I would move on and find someone closer to your own age.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 April 2014):
 Hehehe. Hilarious :). He sounds right out of some American sit- com, you know , those always have the male lead's best friend who is a lovable goofy dumbass who thinks he's "amazing ". Anybody remembers Ashton Kutcher when he was really young, playing Kelso in That 70's Show ? With a touch of Joey Tribiani from Friends as for dancing ability and eating capacity...
Sorry, OP, I feel your pain. In part , I think, it's because you are older than him, but in a way not older enough, you can't see his shenanigans with enough of a motherly " boys will be boys " eye.
Love -of-my-life No. 2 ( out of 3 ) happened to be a muuuch
younger man than myself , so I did not feel any particular
awkwardness in going out with him dressed with his favourite attire of camo pants and rock band T- shirts, even if obviously MY attire and general style was all different. I did not feel or fear that his clothing choices, or general social clumsiness, or the terrible way he handled his cutlery before I had the patience to TEACH him the right way, would reflect on me or cast doubts about MY savvy or smoothness, or taste in men.
It was , more or less, " Big age gap- he is he , I am I, two different words. I like him regardless of his world, not because I approve it or belong to it ".
Since you two are so close in age, and I am sure that your few years of difference do not show in your faces, well, I guess deep down you may feel that people would assume that you have a lot in common !, that birds of a feather flock together, stuff like that. Rather embarassing.
But I am not accusing you of being shallow and caring too much about being judged. The problem, I am sure, is also that ... you just aren't terribly compatible, I guess. First , this guy is 23 but going on 17, and I am sure you wanted to date a younger man, but not your mischievous teenage brother . Second, you like them smooth, and he is not, you like them preppy and he is not , you like them mature ( mentally ) and he's not ...he's just not your type,basically. His little quirks do not make you smile , they irritate you.
I am afraid it will go worse in time. Yes, it does sound such a pity to break up with someone whom you are happy with and get along , because of this slly stuff. Only, if it rubs you so much the wrong way, maybe it's not really silly, maybe your " styles " really can't match... So, wait and see, ... but don't be surprised if your level of tolerance decreases rather than increasing...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (21 April 2014):
 He sounds 15 not 23.
I'm sorry he is still maturing. I would considering ending it because he will NOT be the guy you want him to be, he isn't ready to grow up.
Now the lemon part at the restaurant, I don't see it as offensive, but there is a time and a place for goofing around.
Not wanting to "dress up" when going out would limit where you can go eat and go dance and if your taste is more... grown up then I think you are better of leaving him behind.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 April 2014):
 I think that at 23 he's just not matured yet... and at 27 you have.
do you say "bill you are embarrassing me?" when he does these things? If not, you need to say "while these things are fine at home I'd rather you not do them in public" OF course then you feel like his mommy right? who wants that.
as for dressing, his taste is his taste and if you want him in dockers and a golf shirt you need to say "bill, tomorrow we are going to "blah-blah-blah" I hear the dress is business casual so while you don't need a suit, can you manage some chinos and a collared shirt?"
if you can't manage to say these things to him, then it may be better to break it off...
FWIW, my husband is given total control over what I wear ON DATE NIGHT only... errand running I wear what I want... work I wear what I want... quick dinners out on a work night... what I want... but on A weekend formal date night... I ask him what to wear to please him. personally you could try that with your guy "bill we are going to blah blah blah on Saturday night, is there a particular outfit you want me to wear? Could you wear dockers and a golf shirt?" or whatever....
as far as eating the entire apple pie goes.... I got nuthing on that... boys can seriously eat but at 40 it blows up on them in the form of their beer gut or in his case "apple pie gut" he sounds like he's trying to impress you but has no clue how that works in the adult world. IF you don't tell him it's not impressive or interesting how is he to know?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2014): Wow, he sounds like a handful.
He's not exactly refined is he? From the sounds of it, he's not your type. It's as simple as that.
It's neither his age nor his experience. That's just who he is and you can't have much of a relationship if you're embarrased of him in public.
Let him go. I'm sure he'll make someone else a proud girlfriend. You'll then be free to meet someone else with a similar outlook.
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