A
male
age
51-59,
*uy619
writes: I have a girlfriend. we live together though I'm not sure I can call it a relationship anymore. There is no physical contact whatsoever yet she still wants me to buy a place and for us to move to. She cries sometimes about getting older and not having had children and asks me what my priorities are. She complains bittlerly that she doesn't have a social life and that it is because she is with me. I lost my job just before Christmas and then found another contract starting in January. Unfortunatelt the company has just announced a complete restrusturing and so it's last in first out. I finsished my job last week and have been interviewing and looking for work. I have one offer so far which is a relief. My girlfriend is not working and although she gets the occasional commission it amounts to very little income. I pay for everything and I'm feeling used. I feel I am responsible for for providing her with the kind of place she wants to live and for supporting her - yet I also know she does not love me.It sounds pathetic I'm sure but on Valentines Day I would like to be able to express how I feel even if things aren't going well between us. But she asked me if I had any plans for the day and after I said that we could go out somewhere together she anno0unced she was going out. It is now 11.15pm and the only message I have had form here is that she was going on to a pub to hear some live music. I have a home made card and a small gift for her but what is the point? I spoke to a friend recently about the situation and I was told to go to the Doctor. I am feeling low again and I can't afford to buy a bigger place. I'm exhausted from the combination of daily work and tryign to fit in to her late night routine where she wants to eat late and drink wine until 1 to 2 am. I have stopped drinking wine but it makes no difference. Any advice please is welcome.I'm sorry to post again.
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male
reader, Neboraic +, writes (17 February 2010):
She may be using you. You need to find out if she cares about you, ono physical contact is the first clue. If she has no interest in you then you are being used and should end the relationship, maybe not straight away. You should also talk to her before you do anything, let her know how you feel and how you want things to be and if things she cant give you what you want then you are only hurting yourself by staying.
To want someone who doesnt want you back is soul destroying and confidence shattering, its a truly draining experience that should be avoided. Fortunately this girl is not purposefully causing you emotional pain so she deserves to be told and also time to adjust before any breakup.
I am being very negative though, on the optomistic side, maybe she needs to be reminded about what you had and then she will become caring and affectionate again. Try spending a week away with no contact, if there are any feelings for you, they will grow in your absence, if not she wont think about you till you return. Its a good way to find out how you both truly feel.
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