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female
age
30-35,
*weety_246
writes: Hey there! I am about less than 2 months pregnant. I am devastated. I'm only 17 and this was obviously very unplanned. I wish I could turn back time and change the fact that I had unprotected sex. I'm stuck in the middle wondering if I should have an abortion or just keep the kid. I kind of feel guilty since abortions seem kind of mean. At the same time it feels wrong for me to give birth and have this child...I'm not ready. I'm not ready to have a kid. I don't want to get into this already. I have dreams sometimes of this kid. It creeps me out that I do, and I dont know what it means or what to do. Last night I dreamt about holding a child and kissing it and making it laugh. This situation feels hopeless for me. If I do have an abortion... will I get terrible nightmares of me killing it? or it dying? I heard of such stories. I'm afraid my life is going to be hell, full of fear and guilt after abortion. Though sometimes I feel as though having an abortion might be the right thing, and I will be fine afterwards. Helllp!!
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Decided to keep the baby but now I'm having 2nd thoughts... Is adoption the answer? Would it be best if I had an abortion? Your views wanted... |
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female
reader, appygal81  +, writes (18 January 2007):
 Blondie1984 does have a tiny point, but i see alot of cases and things where a kid is given up for adoption, and they wonder why...sometimes they hold grudges sometimes they do not. My ex-Bf resented his mother as he was the oldest of 4 boys and she gave him up (his brothers were from the same father)ive seen the resentment and what it could do to a person. I dont think that that is right and i think adoption can be just as hard on a person a abortion. but the difference is that during adoption, at least 2 people are hurt where as during an abortion the only one who has to deal with the emotional pain is the mother.
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female
reader, blondie1984 +, writes (16 January 2007):
I got pregnant when i was 18 and just starting my senior year in highschool. I thought of getting an abortion. I didn't do that though, and i don't regret it now. He is the joy of my life. So you feel you are not ready to be a mother, doesn't mean you can't still have this baby. you can always put the baby up for adoption. Having a baby doesn't mean your life is done for.. yes it will change things a bit and all. But just remember this is a human baing that we are talking about, give this child a chance to live a life wether it is with you or with anouther family.
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female
reader, appygal81 +, writes (15 January 2007):
OK...i just had an abortion myself, i am just finishing an abortion myself...i have been dating my Bf for about 5 months and he wasnt ready and neither was I...( i do have a daughter who is 3) i think it was the best choice for my situation at this point....neither of us were ready....i was betwen 6 and 7 weeks, they said i wouldnt seee the embryo as it would be about the size of a grain of rice...i never did see it. i went via the pill method and it worked quite well. to say the least, yes i was on the pill when i got pregnant, so i took a precaution, but not all that i could have. I did have one bad dream the day before i went in for my appointment, but to be honest with you, it wasnt anything so major that i would dwell on it forever. I do not regret my decision. My thoughts are do what you think is right. If you feel that u truly are not ready for this baby, i don't recommend having it. i hope this helps. and good luck with your decision!
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female
reader, sweety_246 +, writes (13 January 2007):
sweety_246 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everybody, thank you so much for all these comments. They are helpful. I have an appointment in 4 days to have a checkup and ask about abortions and such. I haven't came to a definite decision yet. This is definitely going to be a very hard decision in my life, knowing there are so many views on this subject does confuse me. I am reading each and every one of your views to see what I can do about this baby. The most difficult thing is that I'm very open to both sides so it's hard to come to a decision. I don't know what I want anymore, I become fed up. And yes I'm in a relationship with the father, but he says to abort but I'm not so sure. I'm usually unhappy in the relationship because of personal issues. I don't know if I should stay with him or not. I'm just very emotional and have emotional problems, and tend to think negative all the time. So i'm very undecisive for many things. I hope I'll know exactly what to do. And I love it that you people leave comments, it's very interesting.
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male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (13 January 2007):
 To the anonymous poster: a heart beat at 6 weeks? What sorta BS is that? At 6 weeks, its still nothing more than a collection of cells. To feel pain, you need two things: a brain and nerves. At 6 weeks, the thing has neither.
Opened its mouth very wide? At 6 weeks, what mouth?
Bacteria also tries to protect itself when being attacked, what does that prove? Sorry folks, if you've ever taken antibiotics or used bleach as a cleaning product, you're a murderer now. At 6 weeks, they DONT use a needle to perform an abortion. Before 12 weeks, they use u suction tool to just suck out the whole thing or they give you a pill that terminates it. So what in the hell were you babbling about? The video you talk of doesn't exist. You're just trying to guilt someone into following through on your views. You based your views on fictional evidence and your own percieved sense of superior morals, nothing more. If such a video does exist, please give me a link or the name of the thing so I may look it up myself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2007): To anonymous this young lady came onto this site to ask for help. Not to be judged and accused of being a murderer. You have no right to force your views on this young lady. What she is facing right now is the toughest desision of her life and the last thing she needs is some ignorant PIG to guilt her into having a baby that she is not ready, or able, to care for. If you can not give constructive critasism please don't give any at all. Do what is right for you sweetheart don't let anyone force or guilt you ino keeping or aborting your baby. Listen to your instincts. Most importantly no matter what you decide Get Counselling. It will make all the difference. Goodluck and remember YOU decide. Your not alone.
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male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (13 January 2007):
 Aww hunny, I really do feel for you. This really is a decision only you can make. There are many other factors in this though. Have you spoke to your parents? Are you still with the baby's father? This baby is much more than just your kid. The baby is your parents grandchild, cousins, aunt or uncle. There are many possibilities.
My mother had me when she was 18, but my father wanted her to have an abortion. He said he never wanted a kid and the appointment was made for her to abort. She burst into tears and walked out of the clinic when the doctor called her in for the termination. I realised the value of life from an early age and spent most of my life trying to make my mother proud of me. My real father left my mum before she did abort and I was raised by my mum, grandfather and uncle. My mum thought she could not cope on her own. She said to me that walking out of that clinic was the best thing she ever done.
Your family have a huge part to play in this. Think everything through and talk to friends. You will have so much more support than you realise right now.
I wish you the very best of luck. Please keep us informed.
xx
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (13 January 2007):
 You need to make this decision for YOU and you alone. At this present time the 'child' does not come into the equation. Anyone else who fancies 'having a go' at me for this opinion, don't bother. The woman carries the foetus and as her body provides the grounds in which the child grows this is her decision to make. This is not about religion, father's rights or anything else. I am giving my advice and this is my opinion which does not harm anybody else -- sso just don't bother!
Firstly and foremostly -- if you think having an abortion will play with your mind then you need to understand that having a baby and giving it up for adoption can be just as bad if not completely worse. I say this with the experience of a family member to back this up. I have had two medical terminations of pregnancy: one because of sexual assault and one because of severe abnormality of the foetus. They are not easy to deal with, but if you do not sit around feeling 'woe is me' and get on with your life YOU can DEAL with them. Those people who sit round feeling sorry for themselves after a termination need to deal with the issues and move on instead of allowing their decisons to rule there lives. After all they MADE THAT DECISION!! To the anon who mentions the baby at six weeks being aborted -- GET YOUR ANATOMICAL FACTS STRAIGHT! The foetus does not have developed facial features at 6 weeks, it is also no larger than a grain of rice -- so how can your claims be true. JEEZ!!
Your dreams that you are having about the child is normal. This is something which is now paramount in your life and mind, hence the reason it is manifesting from your subconcious when you are asleep and dreaming. Please try not to read too much into this. It is nothing to worry about, that you thinkon some subconcious level this is indicative of how you will feel afterwards -- it is not, believe me. The only time you will know how you feel after is if you have good unbiased counselling beforehand. Not counselling from some pro-lifers which only see one viewpoint but UNBIASED counselling which will present EVERY option to you, warts and all.
I think you are very young to be making this decison on your own. Is there nobody who you can confide in who will support you throught this time of need? I never wnated children at all, when I fell pregnant with my son at 29 (I do not class the first pregnancy as a child as it was not concieved through an act of love, but through violence and pain and NO human being should suffer knowing their conception was like that) although I hated being pregnant immensely I LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING. A child can bring you great joy. But if you are not ready at this stage in your life it can also cause you great sadness at all the things you have 'missed out on' or material things you can never give them due to not having a job etc. So you have to weigh all these things up.
There are many many websites out there which offer a variety of differing opinions and can give you ideas on where to go next. I wish you all the luck in the world whatever final decison you make. Please take care of yourself.
http://www.abortionrights.org.uk/content/view/31/49/
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female
reader, [Natalie] +, writes (13 January 2007):
![[Natalie] agony aunt](/avatars/cfc87ec9-ee3b-4009-ba14-75a8d51ca85c.png) Oh please dont kill this child. Its not the baby's fault it was concived to a woman not ready to be a mother. I understand that you're young, but there are other options. Adoption, maybe. Please consider this, and do the right thing. Good luck xxx
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female
reader, heartxbrokenxgurl +, writes (13 January 2007):
 have u ever heard of when u have the baby then u can put it in for adoption that will prob be the best way since u dont want to kill it n ur not ready put it in the adoption area when u have the kid ask a doctor where u can go to put the baby in an adoption area since ur not ready just remember its ur choice but i wouldnt do abortion becuz i think its mean n u sort of think its mean so its best u ust put it in adoption for a mom who is ready to have a kid or who wants another sweet baby
hope this helps with love the date master jenna /heartxbrokenxgurl
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female
reader, des16 +, writes (13 January 2007):
 this will be the biggest decission you will ever make. you shouldnt make it alone. no one can tell you what to do.
your dreams are there to help you. i have baby dreams all of the time but it doesnt mean you will be a bad person for aborting or keeping this child. it is of course a scary journey, a path if you choose to take, will change your life forever.
aborting will leave you with what ifs, but if you are not ready and dont think that in time u could become ready, then you will know which path you should take.
good luck in your decission, make it for yourself, only you can know if you are ready.
no doubt one day you will be an amazing mother.
your dream to me says you could love this child of yours that it doesnt matter how it came to be just that its here waiting for you to love and care for it.
again good luck. xxx
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female
reader, gabriella lopez  +, writes (13 January 2007):
 Well this is diffrent what ever you choose should be best. There are many options one could be put the child up for adoption, and another is have the child there are many women who change there state of mind after the baby, some think they grew to them over that time. Yes, I agree that you are young, and I'm not going to lie but it will be much much more harder in life. But it is also true you had sex and got your self into this mess. It could also help to talk to someone such as; a mom, or a person who has been though the same thing before. Everyone make mistakes, thats life. If life was easy it would have no meaning to live. I'm sure your a strong person and you'll make the right choice. I wish you all the luck.
Yours Truly Gabriella Lopez xxxx
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female
reader, cd206 +, writes (12 January 2007):
 It's great that you're thinking so hard about this. The truth is that nobody here can tell you if you'll regret aborting your baby or not. You don't sound sure about keeping the baby or the abortion. When you're referred for an abortion by your doctor they usually recommend a course of counselling to make sure it's what you really want prior to the procedure. Ask your doctor if this is an option for you and try to discuss the pregnancy with the baby's father if he's in your life. If he plans to stand by you then possibly you'll be able to keep your baby if you have a good support network. Good luck whatever you decide. Hope this helps.
CD
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): You seem incredibly sensible and together, given the situation.
Whatever you decide is ulitmately up to you and the father of this child. Having said that, I'm going to express my opinion as others have.
Right now your hormones and the general excitement of the situation are likely pushing you to keep this baby...but is that what is best for you and a child in the long run?
You seem to have a lot of reservations about abortion-and for that reason, and that reason alone, I do not recommend aborting the pregnancy. It's a huge decision, and if you are not fully prepared to pick yourself up afterward it can be devastating. However, there is a third option: adoption.
Adoption, of course, means having the child and revealing the pregnancy to everyone, but if you truly do not wish to abort, this is likely your best option. You may even look into an open adoption that would allow you to keep in touch with the child's parents.
Whatever you decide, I wish you all the luck in the world. This is a tough situation at a tough age.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (12 January 2007):
 Hey sweetness,
You are going to get tons and tons of replies. Just remember that EVERY SINGLE ONE is an OPINION. Whatever you choose is absolutely FINE. If you want an abortion, then that is the best decision for YOU. If you decide to have the baby, then absolutely go for it.
Everyone that is writing here is simply offering you advice, but you don't have to take ANY of it. You're going to live with your decision, so don't make a decision for/because of anyone else.
I just went through the same choice. What I did was I closed my eyes and imagined that I had just had an abortion. And I payed attention to what I was feeling. If I felt an overwhelming sense of grief, it meant that I should keep the baby. If I felt a sense of relief, it meant to go through with the abortion. What I felt isn't the point. But I'm happy now, and I know I made the right decision.
If you do decide to have an abortion, do it sooner than later. The longer you wait, the worse you'll feel. An no, right now the baby can't feel pain. So don't think of it that way. You're not hurting anything or anyone. The only person who is hurting right now is you.
The decision is all yours. Don't worry about what people will think - they don't have to know. If you feel alright, that's all that matters. If feeling alright means having a baby, you'll get the support you need, I'm sure. If you think an abortion is best, well, that is alright too.
If you need to talk anymore, feel free to message me (or anyone else you find helpful).
xxIndia
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male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (12 January 2007):
As a 17 year old, here's some things that might influence your decision to go ahead with it:
Giving birth hurts like hell
You cant support yourself or your baby if you have it, unless you're rich or something (going on child support and crap is just screwed to the max, making taxpayers pay for a child that was a result of your own mistake)
Your dreams of having a career of your own can be kissed goodnight for like 20 years
Bringing up a child when your heart's not in it will just result in a crappy life for both you and the child
Having an abortion BEFORE the child is capable of surviving outside the womb is not considered 'killing' (think of it as a collection of stem cells or something)
I say go ahead and abort. Dont give it too much thought. Its not even killing anything. You dont cry whenever you pass out an egg cell during your period do you? Just this one is fertilised. Screw adoption, that actually means having to give birth and carry the thing for 9 months only to give it up. What a waste of time and effort. (Folks, those are my personal views, no one bug me about them. I'm not trying to enforce them on you!)
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female
reader, TDMB +, writes (12 January 2007):
 Hiya,
Firstly, you sounds like a pretty sensible person and it's great that you've come on here to seek some advice. One question though, what about the father? Is it someone you are in a relationship with or not - and does he know anything about it? I have no personal experience, but I would imagine it would be harder to abort a baby without the father knowing and then always live with the fact that he never knew he could have been a father. If he and/or your parents will support you through a pregnancy then I definitely think adoption is the best option.
If the father is not in the picture at all for whatever reason and you don't feel any loyalty to him at all, then don't feel guilty about having an abortion. It happens all the time and I know people who have had them and are fine about it. It's a better option than having a baby at 17 and it affecting the rest of your life in a bad way.
I wish you well, whatever you decide.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): I think the decision is totally up to you, but if you are having an abortion you need to do it right away, the longer you wait the worse you will feel....
I don't think you should feel guilty terminating an unplanne pregnacy when you have not finished school and can not support yourself or the baby and have no relationship with the father or plans of making a family.
If you keep the child your life will forever change and you will not have the luxury of being a young woman with options, you will have much less freedom and choices as to work, education and so forth, so if you need to terminate the pregnancy in order to get your life back you have that right....and you must learn from this lesson about unprotected sex and even protected sex at your young age--can still result in pregnancy if protection is not used correctly.
You could give the baby up for adoption if you think you are emotionally mature enough to do that, it takes strength and commitment to doing the best for your child and yourself.
Please seek to terminate your pregnancy soon if you decide to do it, having dreams do not mean anything other than you are stressed out over your difficult predicament.
Don't let anyone else decide for you, you do what you want to do that makes realistic sense, if you don't have a plan for caring for the child after is here, then you need to do something else.
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female
reader, checkin +, writes (12 January 2007):
Hi sweety, i have a feeling you will recieve lots of replies on this subject as everyone has there own views but the number one thing you have to remember is only you can make such an important decision like this, as you will live with the consequences. I had my first child four days before my eightenth birthday and abortion never came in to my mind as a family is what i always dreamt of. Whereas you seem to be in a very different situation. Sweetie write a list of what your dreams are, does this baby come in to it because if it doesnt and you have the baby you might resent the baby. If it does, do you have good support with friends and family around you, are they there for you. My advice to you, even if its not what you really wanted to hear, is listen only to yourself, be selfish and dont think how this affects others as only you and that baby matters right now. If you do have the baby, there is so much support out there from midwifes, doctors, health visitors, mother and baby groups etc, you just have to ask for it. I hope you make the right decision for you.
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male
reader, Big boy +, writes (12 January 2007):
 If you have the money, to support the kid comfortably without any problems fine you could considerer it, was in that situation once and no I did not keep the child. If you ask me I would say don’t keep it. Your 17 think carefully... your life has only just begun; people make mistakes, learn from yours. I tell you now... you don’t need a kid. You’re too young for that... your life would be a living hell. Learn from it. After your done go to the church say a prayer if it would make you feel better after everything. I tell you now you don’t need a kid, if you can’t take care of yourself comfortably. Don’t suffer the kid. Hurry and get it done with, go private if you can afford it and go with some one who you trust.
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female
reader, Lilly223 +, writes (12 January 2007):
 I'm not sure if you have considered or not, but maybe giving this child up for adoption would be a viable alternative to keeping it, or having an abortion. I know there are thousands and thousands of couples out there that would love to raise your baby for you. Rather that eliminate the child with abortion, give it a chance to live and be raised by someone that can truly care for a child, someone who is emotionally and financially, able to raise the baby. I think any adopted child would be thankful that their mother gave them up so they could have a life with a family that could care for and love them the way they deserved.
If you do this you will not be burdened with a child that you are not ready for, you will not feel the guilt that you say you believe you will feel if you have and abortion, and you can be proud that you made a terrific and loving gesture by giving up your child for adoption for the betterment of his/her life... in addition to your own.
Although I have no personal experience with this, maybe there are some Agony Aunts/Uncles that can offer thier own personal thoughts and opinions on this approach.
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