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I'm not into relationships so broke up with her. Why can't I get over her?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 July 2010) 14 Answers - (Newest, 21 July 2010)
A age 30-35, * writes:

Hi so I recently broke up with this girl who I was seeing for about two months, for several reason, mostly because I'm just not one for relationships. But the thing is, I'm still not over her. She's very shy, but she's also beautiful and smart, and funny and just a wonderful person. We have't talked really since the break up (via text message because I was out of town and also a coward) and I just don't know if we even can be friends again. I was really worried breaking up with her because she has hurt hersefl physically in the past and she's even attempted suicide, but she assured me that wasn't going to happen ever again and I trust her. I care about her a lot but I see it as kind of pointless to date in high school because someone just ends up getting hurt anyways.

So basically, is it normal that I'm not over her? How can I get over her?

View related questions: broke up, shy, text

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (21 July 2010):

Miamine agony auntI'm a romantic, read to many fairy stories I think...

Your young, you'll get over "whatever this is", in time..

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

She wouldn't do that. She doesn't care what people think enough to do that. She has this "I don't even care" outlook on everything"

And I'm sorry I called you out Miamine but that just honestly suprised me that you got that impression.

Well, whatever I suppose I'll get over it.

Thank you all for your comments and advice.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010):

Maybe shes just changing her status to make it look like she is doing stuff but actually is'nt.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (20 July 2010):

Miamine agony aunt:(

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

In love with her? Certainly not. Miamine I don't think you quite understand lol.

And she didn't seem too hurt at all by the break up. I was really suprised. She was pissed at first but she's even more social than before. When we were dating she'd just sit at home and now her facebook status is always her going out, her doing this and that. She quickly went from sit-at-home-and-do-nothing to go-everywhere-do-everything

It seems like I'm the only one who got hurt here.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (18 July 2010):

Miamine agony auntNo it dosen't.. it means he's already in love with her, and he has a relationship with her in his heart but is thinking with his head....

That's what you mean Q by what you just said.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

"Because you are into relationships and you just don't know it yet."?

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (18 July 2010):

Miamine agony aunt"I care about her a lot but I see it as kind of pointless to date in high school because someone just ends up getting hurt anyways."

- Your solution hasn't worked because two people have already been hurt.

"So basically, is it normal that I'm not over her? How can I get over her?"

- Time, but since your the one who caused yourself (and her) unecessary pain, I think it's gonna be longer than you think....

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (18 July 2010):

person12345 agony auntShy and outgoing can work great together, she doesn't HAVE to go out every time. These seem like small reasons to dump someone. How do you know someone would get hurt?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Okay, one of the reasons I broke up with her was because she's very shy and I'm very outgoing. Like, when I hang out with my friends she doesn't want to because she hates crowds. I can understand that but still. And I do care about her, she's really great. I just broke it now because if I stay longer she only would have gotten hurt more or I would have gotten hurt.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (17 July 2010):

person12345 agony auntYou can't get over her because you really cared about her, but it sounds like you have convinced yourself you're not into relationships and couldn't let it go. I'm not understanding why you broke up with her? Sure lots of people get hurt dating in high school, but people get hurt dating at any age. If you care so much about her, why not just date her if you like her? Also, not to point out something hurtful, but this pain you talk about from dating in high school didn't you cause that by breaking up with someone you still liked...? Same sort of pain.

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A female reader, miss reasonable United Kingdom +, writes (17 July 2010):

If your not over her then why dump her?? In my view you shouldn't have dumped her if it was because someone could get help in every relationship at some point your gunna get hurt but if shes worth it why not. I'm not saying you should go back out an less you actually want to but that could be really upsetting for you both so stick to what you have done. Now onto the not talking to her that's going to make her think she did something really wrong which she didn't she needs to still be your friend ignoring her will just upset her more then she needs to be. Hope this helps xx

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A female reader, papertowns United Kingdom +, writes (17 July 2010):

You probably miss her company, it'll just take a little while to get over her. It's perfectly normal not to be over her though. I too don't date anyone in high school, i don't see the point it's not like we're going to be life partners.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010):

I dont get this whole 'not into relationships' thing!!

Why'd you agree to go out in the 1st place then?

Also if two people like one another its only natural to want something more.

Getting hurt is a part of any normal relationship people evently brake up,have arguments ect.

The fact your not over her shows how much you like her maybe you should give it another go with her and not f**k her about this time?

OR

Just give it time and you will heal.

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