A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a problen that's been really bothering me now for the past year and a half that I don't know how I can get myself out of. I'm sexually attracted to my cousin and it's scaring me. I'm sure there are many others in my position who feel the same and I'm sure many tolerate it but I'm not seeking reassurance in any way, I want to not feel this way anymore.This all began about a year and a half ago when I took a month long trip to the UK where I have some relatives living there on my dad's side of the family. I've been there but once in my life at the age of 5 and haven't visited since until the summer of 2010. While I was there I became acquainted with a lot of my dad's relatives whom I never met once in my life and got to see a lot of relatives who I've met before when they visited us in the U.S. I particularly became very acquainted with my dad's older brother's daughter who is 3 years older than me and who shares a lot of common interest with me. In fact we clicked instantely and I felt as if we were able to talk for hours on end. I never had that type of connection with someone and meeting her in person for the first time she felt more like just any ordinary girl I wasn't related to. As we began to become more familiar with each other during the trip I began feeling deeper feelings for her, she was unlike anyone i've ever met before and on top of that she's really attractive. If she weren't my cousin I would definitely want to have something with her but she is my cousin and I need to keep it at that. I do wish I could meet someone like her but feeling like I can't find someone who compares I'm stuck with these feelings and don't want to be. I don't know her feelings but she seemed to really be interested in me and she was really friendly. I guess some weird incidences that took place that makes me think she liked me too was at one point when she was taking a shower and had left the bathroom door a tiny bit open. I'm ashamed to say it but I couldn't help but peek a little and saw her get out of the shower and then quickly realized she noticed me so I left as soon as I could. What was odd was that she never mentioned it, she never got upset or asked why I was peeking on her even though I know she saw me because our eyes locked and it didn't bother her to wonder why her cousin would spy on her showering. That's the only speculation I have that she liked me too. She continued to be friendly with me after and we would hang out and talk about anything.I don't want people telling me it's ok because it's not and I need to move on from these feelings so I can have feelings for someone I know I can be with.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill here.You live in two different countries, had never met, are the same relative age and she was probably pretty hot and not having grown up together allowed you to see that rather than dismiss it.Maybe she left the door open, maybe she simply forgot, either way, she's not complaining and neither should you. It is only natural to be attracted to a girl you have only just met, who is beautiful.The fact you guys are related might be... disconcerting to you... but if you were never told you were cousins, would you still feel any different? You and her would still be the same, you'd still want to do all the things you want to do now... only that one little detail (which is not illegal in the U.K. and most other countries in the world with a more liberal view of things) would have changed.You might as well be strangers in a bar for all the experiences you share. And as for genetic material... you don't share much more than you do with a stranger, and certainly not nearly enough to increase the likelihood of genetic deformities in offspring, should any occur more than any results with a stranger.Food for thought.Flynn 24
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): Well think of it like this. up until like the 1920s, it was not uncommon for people in the UK and US to marry their cousins and have children with them. so you and i may be from one of those relationships way back in the family tree.
im not sure if its more likely for children to have birth defects by cousins if you guys do get it on and marry and what not. i would just say be ready for a hell of a lot of scrutiny.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): Look, people can't help who they're attracted to so in that sense it's ok to have these feelings, so long as you don't ACT on them.
I take it you live far away from each other, so just give it some time and soon you'll meet someone else and this will seem like a distant memory. The reason she didn't mention it is probably because either she thought you did it by accident or just didn't want to make things awkward.
Also as first cousins, you are fairly closely related. I wouldn't say the chances of having a child with a birth defect is likely but there is a higher chance of it happening with a cousin than someone you're not related too. Also keep in mind a lot of people would have a problem with it which may cause problems for you and any children.
In the UK at the moment, it was recently reported in the news that the children in the Pakistani community (where first cousin marriage is fairly common) account for nearly a third of all children born with genetic birth defects, so no it's not all considered ok here either (I don't know where the first poster got that idea from?).
So just keep reminding yourself of these factors whenever you think of her and move on.
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (5 February 2012):
 She likes you: and it IS ok, despite your not wanting to hear that. People in your country make much more of a big deal about this than we do here in the UK, but modern research has shown that there are no greater chances of birth problems/defects than with non-related pairings.
Siblings are likely to have a marginally increased likelihood of such outcomes, but not cousins.
Your biggest problem is going to come from the disapproval of those that do not know this.
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A
male
reader, gundam007 +, writes (5 February 2012):
Woah! How long has it been since you were there? Ok, I get the attraction thing. You both have bodies, and from your story are heterosexual, and are of an age where hormones are in gear. "Didn't bother her".. wishful thinking. Look, by the time you go back to the UK (only been once recently, and once before when you were 5?) she'll be married and have forgotten all about this. You should, too.
Now, on the off chance that you spend all of next summer there, then you've got some more soul searching to do. In that case, play dumb, and if she was leaving the door to entice you, she will up the ante until she can satisfy her own incestual desires to bone her younger cousin. If she left it open by mistake, then don't go looking for trouble.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): I'm not sure there is any problem with being interested in your cousin. Here in the UK it is OK. I have a married couple within my family who are cousins. If this is an issue for you then in the short term I would try not to be in the situations with her where it is uncomfortable.
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