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I'm not Barbie enough. What's the answer?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 May 2016) 13 Answers - (Newest, 9 May 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi, I know this sounds like a stupid question but I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he is obsessed with Barbie type looking women. If a woman with long blonde hair walks past he stares at her till she's out of sight. I'm the opposite with a slim figure but long dark hair and it's really getting embarrassing now. What do I do? It's everywhere we go. He told me when we first met that he goes for Barbie type women and he always makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him. What do I do?

Thank you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2016):

Find a man who right from the get go considers you number one...loves you absolutely flippin adores your 'look' right now. This idiot you have is using you. He's immature. He makes you feel bad about yourself. Nobody should do that and you know it. I'm just not seeing the good in this for you? Imagine a day when you don't have to wonder what barbie is gonna walk by and interest your boyfriend....you feel better already.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (7 May 2016):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntYou take him aside and ask: "Hunchy-Bunchy, are you so obsessed with Barbie-types that you will be content to have me step away from you because of that obsession?"

If he says, "Yes, I am... so, Good bye..." Then your question is answered completely.

IF he sez: "Oh no, Dear..... YOU are the girl of my dreams..." but then get a neck concussion the next time a Barbie-like passes by.... you can say, "Well, Hunchy-bunchy, it's clear that you aren't going to compromise your obsession for Barbie types.... and I'm NOT a "Barbie" type... so I'M OUTTA HERE!!!!!"

That should put the matter to rest for you.....

Good luck...

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (7 May 2016):

chigirl agony auntI also have a type, but that does not mean I glare or stare at them until they are out of sight!

You need to get that him having a certain "type" he likes, has nothing to do with him being RUDE. Oogling other women is RUDE. I promise you, he'd still be doing this even if you had blond hair. Because he likes to check out other women, and he doesn't care if it hurts your feelings. It has nothing to do with him liking a certain type of woman, it's got everything to do with him being rude.

You can like blonde women and NOT stare them down. I like chocolate, I do not stare longingly at it whenever I am at the store....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2016):

I feel your pain. I turned myself inside out with an ogler ex trying to change or at least accommodate his habit.

I tried gently talking over time followed by humour( pointing out cute girls for him) and even medicine (ogling men.) I concluded that he would never change and I would never feel number one. We parted. The relief was enormous.

Even if you were a barbie it wouldnt stop him from ogling other Barbies. Remember that!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2016):

Get a new boyfriend!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2016):

He may be too obsessed and probably needs counselling. If you truly care about him, you could try getting him out of his obsession, wake up and smell the coffee. Instead of you trying to become what he's obsessed about, in turn becoming obsessed yourself. It is his problem, not yours. Barbie is just a toy not a symbol of beauty! He has somehow grown up to believe that barbie is the symbol of perfection. Normal men would get attracted to most types of women, not just barbie type. For eg. normal men like straight haired, curly haired, chubby, slim, tall, short, pear shaped, hourglass basically all/most sorts of women. This is an obsession and needs counselling/treatment.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2016):

You're in your 20's. I used to think in my upper 20's I was old- how foolish a girl was I. LOL

Life is too short to feel bad about the things you ARE NOT and CANNOT control. You are the most beautiful now physically (it comes most easy at this age) to waste time with a man who does not worship you :)

Seriously? He must be crazy!! Cut him loose and write in a few months from now about a question about how some guy is coming on TOO STRONG about your beauty!!

You will KNOW when you have that feeling from a guy and you will feel it in your bones so don't settle- be choosy because a ton of men will like your type so don't hone in on the ton that like something different.

Focus on that feeling and that "knowing" in a relationship and don't let some guy who ogles asians, blondes, fat fetishes (whatever their weird- not you- deal is) fall to the wayside. It hurts but let it serve as a signal to redirect.

You will have this crossroads with personality too so let this be the first lesson in something (looks) so not in your control be your first initiation with males ;)

It's amazing how many things we fall short of, lol (in other peoples perspective), and then with a little acceptance of ourselves we shine for later.

Not trying to shrug your plight and it's a shit position to feel. Go with your feelings, it doesn't feel good. That's very important and so many people are elevated by others- in friendship and spirit. Have faith to know that when you let go, you gain!!

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States +, writes (7 May 2016):

This will be a persistent problem...men don't suddenly change their attractions. While he may like blondes, he certainly shouldn't be diverting his attention to them when he is with you. At best, your guy certainly has poor manners. Worse would be if he is doing this to ridicule you, make you feel jealous or otherwise hurt you. That would be poor manners and problems more serious.

As for him and add to the confusion of the situation, he should be with barbie if he's so hot for that type and is as shallow as he seems to be.

You don't say how things are with your relationship otherwise. If you want to stay with him, make sure he knows how you feel about this, that he is exhibiting very poor manners, and tell him you expect a change on his part. I would also ask him why he is with you if he is more attracted to a different type of woman. If things don't improve and he doesn't have redeeming qualities, you should give serious thought to moving on.

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia +, writes (7 May 2016):

Ivyblue agony auntTell him he's not quite your KEN either but you dont make him feel as such when your out and about. If he's going to do it, tell him to do it when he's with the lads not when he's with you and to show some restraint and respect.

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (7 May 2016):

olderthandirt agony auntSuperficial is as superficial does...Looking is a man's favorite past time. Sorry but we men are weak when it comes to looking at beauty. A beautiful woman is hard not to look at. Cut him some slack. I'm sure he looks at you with the same interst.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (6 May 2016):

Honeypie agony auntHonestly, I don't think there is much you can do. He isn't going to change his "type" nor his behavior.

So it's up to you to decide if this is the guy you want to be with or not.

One thing is noticing a pretty girl, because no one goes blind to all others when having a partner, but your BF takes it further - he OGLES them. And he does it even in front of you. It's rude and I think I would bring it up.

I don't really subscribe to the "he doesn't know it hurts your feelings" because I think he just doesn't care if it does. My guess is, he will pull the you are jealous or insecure card when you do bring it up.

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A female reader, Dionee' South Africa +, writes (6 May 2016):

Dionee' agony auntSimply speak to him about how it makes you feel when he stares at those 'barbie' type woman. Men do tend to stare sometimes. It doesn't necessarily mean that he'd rather be with that woman you know? Talk to him

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (6 May 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntYou have both been together a long time now, therefore you must be doing something right or he would not be with you.

Look men do stare and go gooey eyed when an attractive woman walks past, however if it is all the time then you need to be straight with him, tell him he is making you feel like you are not good enough. He needs to tell you he thinks you are beautiful, you need to feel attractive to him, if he does not do this then it will effect your self esteem. Be open and honest with him about how it is making you feel, he may not realize how much he is hurting you.

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