A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have dated for almost two years now. He is still very attracted to me, but I am not very attracted to him anymore. I feel awful, and it has affected our sex life. I love him, but getting to know him well, I find his lack of responsiblity and his sloppiness unattractive. How can I help this?? It makes him feel horrible, and I want to be attracted to him again; but I have very very little physical or emotional attraction to him anymore.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): It sounds like you want to finish it but feel sorry for him and afraid of hurting him. But if you aren't happy in the relationship, ask yourself what is in it for you and then make your decision.
A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (21 May 2008):
 Has his physique changed? Is he no long physically fit in your eyes? If that's the case, get him a gym membership, or hint you really like muscles on a guy...
On the responsibility and sloppiness... yeah, we guys aren't the neats of species - an admitted fault. But have you told him that these things bug you? Or have you tried the (not so subtle) hint of cleaning up a little and asked/invited him to help you out?
And finally, it seems that you two need to re-kindle the flames of romance. Is he a romantic guy? Has he done anything for you lately? Have you had an escape weekend someplace? ...if not, that's the first suggestion that comes to mind... a little time away from the familiar, together. Then try to keep that spark lit when you get back from the weekend trip... oh, and you don't have to go far. A B+B in the outskirts of town, or in downtown... you get the idea.
Good luck!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): In my opinion you probably should part ways - unless you think there is the chance that your partner can make the necessary changes to "fix" things...but I suspect it's just him. The longer you stay, the more resentful you will get and even angry with him...for just being him. He will pick up on this, his self esteem will be damaged, your relationship will be further damaged and you will both end up feeling terrible.
You say you "love him" but I don't think that is probably the word for it - you aren't physically OR emotionally attracted to him and a healthy loving relationship really should be about that...what exactly do you currently LOVE about him??
Do the right thing for both of you - end it.
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