A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am divorced and live with my kids. I met this guy 7 months ago and we just clicked right away. When we met,I asked him about his relationship status,to which he told me he is unmarried but has been on an on/off relationship. It never occured to me that there was a chance that he lives with another woman. I only learnt about that from a friend of mine who was worried that I would get hurt all over again. On top of that I discovered that he has been living with this woman for about 3 years now and they have a kid. I was shocked to say the least and I confronted him about it. He did not deny it and he told me that was the on/off relationship he was referring to. He stressed the point that they are not married but happen to live together and the relationship is no longer working. He mentioned that he would not just up and go because he has invested a lot in terms of property. I clearly pointed out to him that I would never get involved with a man who is committed to someone else. He begged me not leave him and to be patient with him while he sorts this out. I must say that up to this day,they still live together even though he insists that they live completely different lives. He spends most of his time with me and hardly spends anytime at his place of abode. The problem I have right now is that I am not at peace knowing he lives with another woman. I have tried several times to break up with him but he begged me to be patient with him,that he can't imagine the rest of his life without me. Even his friends told me he would not survive our break up. I love him and care very much but this situation is not giving me peace. I would appreciate any advice about how to deal with this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2015): I'm the OP. Thank you anonymous for sharing your experience and for offering some words of advice. I will take some time to talk to him again about this situation. Hard as it is, I need to remove myself from this situation until he resolves it. My other concern is that apparently the woman he lives with now knows about me. So I'm now kinda caught up in the middle,a situation I never wanted to happen in the first place but have found myself in.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2015): I, personally, would not date anyone that lives with a boyfriend or girlfriend or ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. It would make me very uncomfortable, too. I am single and recently met a man that a liked very much (after a long string of men that I DID NOT like very much!). He had purchased a home with his ex-girlfriend and they broke up 7 months ago, so they still live together. This guy kept stressing that they have separate bedrooms…I hope so! Anyway, I told the guy to call me once they get that house situation straightened out and they no longer live together. It was a shame because he was otherwise everything I would want in a guy (as fas I as know as first glance…I only met him once), but he needs to finish up his business before moving on. So does your guy in my option. If he loves you as much as he says and would be so devastated is you broke up as everyone else says, then that would say to me that he cares about your feelings. And if you are uncomfortable with the fact that he lives with another woman, than it seems to me that he would be very interested in making sure that you are comfortable and secure that he is not going home every night to a home that he shares with ANOTHER WOMAN. That is what love is. It is putting another person's happiness and well-being above your own. What you are asking for is not out of line. Apparently he is concerned about his financial contribution to the housing situation. So, there are things that can be done about this. The woman can pay him back. She can take out a loan. They can sell and he can get back his share that way, or he can take a loss and chalk it up to "that's what happens when you make big investments with women you are not married to". I don't know. But I would absolutely make sure that this guy finishes up his current business before he starts more business with you. What if they reconcile? What if you guys get in a big fight and he sleeps with her? What if he gets really drunk and sleeps with her? What if she gets pregnant again? This kind of stuff happens every day. And with her conveniently right down the hall, she is much more available to him than if she were across town. I think women deserve more than this. I would not let him have his cake and eat it, too. Sometimes when you meet the right person, not everything is convenient. Maybe he needs to just cut his losses when it comes to his housing situation if he really wants to be with you.
So, my advice is this. I would calmly tell him that you are so sorry, but the living situation bothers you so much and that because you love him and care about him so very much that it hurts you to see him "go home" to another woman's house. That you love him and need for him to resolve his housing situation and either get her out or get out himself and to call you when that is done.
This is an adult man. He is making babies and having relationships with women. This is not a child. He can find a place to live that is his own. I wish you the best!
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