A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I'm not a sex addict am I? My wife just tells me I may be but i'm not that convinced I am. She is 6 years older than me and has already been around the block. Im in the military and I have to leave for certain things. Recently I went to another state for schooling, about 3 months. My wife stayed home. It is very stressful sometimes when she is not there, we can't fulfill our sexual needs. So... I look at porn, im a more visual person and when im stressed out and feel i need to have a "release" to take some of the tension away. I have read the symptoms of the these kinds of addictions and i am far from it. I have only done it when me and my wife are away from each other. I dont think about it constantly, it doesnt interfer with my job or anything. But I just feel when my wife isnt there for me, i should be able to look at some porn for some stimulation is all. She has sex toys she uses also when I am there AND gone, i have no problem with it. Am I an addict because i feel I need a "release" when my wife isnt around for long periods of time?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga  + ♥, writes (30 October 2008):
 Hi,
No you are not a sex addict i am married to a sex addict he was'nt one when i met him this came later on in our marriage what i will say though is this he started to view porn and unknown to me was getting hooked on it one thing led to another he started to act out with prostitutes when the porn no longer done it for him.
The reason i tell you this is this while some people who view porn see it as harmless and yours seems to be, in recovery porn is a major cause of men/women becoming sexually addicted to eplicit material in some cases this will lead to them wanting to take the next stage which could be sex chatlines then visiting brothels to act out the fantasy there.
I am not saying for one minute you would do this and you appear to have the porn thing under control it is when it gets out of control alarm bells should start ringing in your head some people ignore these warnings and will continue viewing telling themselves they do not have a problem they can stop viewing anytime.
One test to try is to stop viewing it and see how long you can last without going back to it if it is something you can control then that's fine but you will rely on it more and more and it is a shame that the main reason is your separation from your wife that is causing you to do this.
I would only advice to be careful it never gets out of control personally porn to me has no room in a marriage but that is because i see firsthand what it has done to mine that is not to say your marriage will be like this but we never can tell what happens in ones mind i would never have imagined my husband who was a good person, came accross as a guy who would have turned his nose up at porn etc; yet look what happened to him?
For me i have felt the devastation and 2 yrs on from this it still is as raw as a flesh wound feels.
Please always be careful with the porn and never ever let it get out of hand i cannot comment on your wife using sex toys as i have never used such things but again she is relying on artificial stimulants too both very addictive we are not born addicts we become them through compulsive behaviours and you really need to keep in prospective why you are relying on these aids for such a short period of time?
I wish you both well and take care.
Ginalolabridga.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): Thank you for your advice everyone I really appreciate it. It's hard to talk about things like this with even really good friends so I felt I was all alone lol. I just needed to know I wasn't the only that felt this way. I will try to talk to her about it, but we have that communication problem sometimes, she thinks what she wants regardless of what I try to say but ill try to get through to her.
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A
male
reader, -S  +, writes (1 October 2008):
Nah, not addicted. Unless you count the addiction that comes with being a male. ;)
-S
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (1 October 2008):
 She has no right to call you that, with all of those toys she has. If she wants you to stop masturbating, I say she give it up too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008): No you're not a sex addict. I just feel for you when you watch all that porn and cant get no icky ickyyyy! LOL!
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A
male
reader, troubledtoomuch + ♥, writes (30 September 2008):
 You aren't even close to being a sex addict. You only use porn when you don't have your wife available and are away from home. It is normal to need sexual relief when you are away from your partner for 3 months or even a few days for that matter. I see nothing wrong with what you are doing. If you use porn to the exclusion of showing your wife affection or to the exclusion of other important things that you have to do then you could be a sex addict. However, I get no impression that you do anything like that at all. If she is accusing you of being a sex addict because you use some porn while away, while she uses sex toys while you are both away and at home, then she is awfully hypocritical. It sounds like she is closer to being a sex addict than you are. However, I don’t believe that she is either. Both of you are doing totally acceptable sexual things to relieve your sexual stress.
I just read your question to my wife and she just rolled her eyes. She said that she doesn’t think that you have any kind of a problem. I used to use porn and masturbation when my wife and I were having sex daily because I could have had sex 3 or 4 times a day and she was happy with just once. She didn’t think that I was doing anything wrong, as I satisfied her anytime that she wanted sex. It didn’t affect my work or life or sex with her, so what is the harm. If your wife is accusing you of being a sex addict because of what you are doing then she needs to think more reasonably. Ask her if her use of sex toys makes her a sex addict.
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A
female
reader, louxxlouxx + ♥, writes (30 September 2008):
 Sounds like you have a perfectly healthy approach to sex. It is natural to relieve your sexual frustration when you are away from your wife! We are designed to want sex so don't let your wife make you feel bad for what you are doing! A lot of people masturbate daily and that isn't classed as an addiction. Maybe your wife is just a little jealous that she isn't the 1 releasing your sexual frustration so just let her know how much you love her and that she will always be the only woman for you. Maybe sometimes try masturbating whilst you think of her and let her know all about it when you get back home lol.Sex addicts are people who cannot go without a lot of sexual release as often as possible. I read a story about a girl who has sex 8 times a day and it is so bad that her boyfriend has had to just accept her having sex with other men because he can't satisfy her as much as she needs!You sound nothing like a sex addict to me so don't worry! Your wife should be happy that you are "seeing to yourself" rather than looking elsewhere lol x
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