A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. I'm new and just moved to the US 3 months ago. I am single and want to start dating here. I am not familiar with the culture so I don't want to look odd. Can someone help me and give me some tips that what should I expect if I want to date an American guy? are they old fashioned or not? I know not everyone is the same but wanted to get some general ideas. Thank you for your help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (26 July 2016):
 Set up boundaries and stick to them. For example, if you don't want to have sex until at least 4 months of dating, talk about exclusivity at month 1 or 2, after a few dates, and don't go to their place or them to yours until you want to have sex. Stay in public places.
If a man is touching you too much, tell him and leave if he ignores it.
Don't let a guy walk you home or take you home until you trust him, so wait a while for that.
Keep dates at lunch time, either for lunch of coffee, for the first two or three dates, to get a feel for the guy.
I really recommend waiting until you have some friends to ask about their experiences, though, as the first thing you should do in a new place is settle in, not date.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2016): OP-fishdish and Andie's Thoughts thank you for your advise. I'm a little scared infact! lol I didn't expect any physical contact or sex on the first or even after more dates!! that is crazy. Thank you for the tips! so I know if they aske to come up or if I'm invited after dinner what does that mean! I wouldn't know really. Is it among educated people too or most of them are just after sex?
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (26 July 2016):
 Old fashioned! No..I'm sorry but a lot of men are after sex or some form of physical intimacy before they even know a girl. It is not unheard of for men to communicate wanting sex after one date. There is a general saying--and I don't know how well it is followed through on--that women generally have sex after the third date. If a man walks you home and asks if he can come up, or the reverse, if you want to come over after dinner, this is usually a way men ask if they can have sex with you.
Is this everybody? No. But you need to look in the right places and kind of get a pulse on the culture before jumping right in. I think even if a man isn't that sexually aggressive, you should still expect the following may occur: he looks directly into your eyes more often or longer than you're accustomed to; he may hug you, or touch you on your hand, or small of the back; he may try to kiss you goodnight. All these things are generally thought of as "gentlemanly" or polite.
There are other areas that will expose you to male mentalities without it being straight dating. For example: it's just lunch; coffeedate; meetup are all forums where you meet people in a setting that is less sex-driven. At the same time, you may gain some insights in these areas about what men are like or what men expect.
I guess I'll also add that you say you're in engineering. An ASSUMPTION I'm going to make here is that men are less sexually aggressive in this field, and will be better about taking it slow. But this is based on stereotypes more than anything else. I hope I didn't scare you too much. Let us know about any particular scenarios or questions you have!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2016): I'm the OP- I'm from Middle East and I have a phd in engineering.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (25 July 2016):
I'd advise not dating so soon; you could be an easy target for people who want to use you. Make friends first and spend time within the culture. Watch American tv shows, read newspapers, go on dating sites (just to see what's out there, not necessarily to date anyone). Get a couple of hobbies, at least one outside of your home.
Settle in before dating, OP :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2016):
Where are you from? That would be a help to know.
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