A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel like my heart is falling apart. I broke up w/my ex a week ago. I was the one who ended it, I am extremely broken. I wanted so bad for the relationship to work. When I started having doubts I approached him in a mature manner and he accused me of trying to mess up the relationship. He never took my hurting/being upset seriously, he would blame it on me overthinking. He was shocked when I ended the relationship. I ended it because I saw he lacked goals/interests in anything in life and I felt I was being taken for granted. He never saved money (he told me he couldn't afford a ring) and was always spending it on frivolous things and going and drinking at the bar (once a week by himself). He took no interests in ANYTHING, he never wanted to go anywhere w/me (I felt like I had to drag him) and wouldn't offer up suggestions where to go. I was excited about my 1st boyfriend thinking we would do so many things together, we ended up staying in the house not doing anything. I am feeling better day by day, but still tear up when I think of him. I never plan on going back, I have talked to him twice (he has some of my stuff) and pretty much he blames me for breaking his heart and makes promises to change (he told me that he would be doing so many things w/his life and didn't even do anything small). I held on for awhile hoping he would take the reins and get done what needed to be done, whenever he came up with something he would be interested in I encouraged him. My parents saw that the relationship wouldn't work out as he was beginning to take me for granted, they wanted me to discover this. They knew (in the many months that he would come over) he would never appreciate me. I do not plan on going back because I know that would be the stupidest decision I could make. Why I can I not let go? I have my job, my friends and other activities that I do, but somehow hanging out w/friends isn't the same as spending time w/the man I loved, something is missing.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 October 2015):
 It's been a week, just one week. It's pretty normal to feel some loss, and some sadness.
It takes a good while for two people to really get to know one another, you build a bond of sorts, and when a relationship ends, you are left missing that BOND (not always the other person, but the familiarity and the "what could have been" notion). So YES something IS "missing" There is no one for you, at the other end of that bond.
You KNOW that there is no going back. YOU and he were not a great fit. You don't always know that going IN to a relationship, whether you are a good long term fit or not, because sometimes people grow and change, sometimes (like your BF) they stagnate.
Cry if you feel like it, get it to of your system. He was your first real BF and that means a lot. But what means even more? Is that you were able to look at your relationship and SEE that it had no future and then to end it.
MANY MANY people stay even after the "expiration date" have come and gone, because they are more scared of being "alone" then being in a meeh so-so relationship.
Wish him well, but cut the contact (as soon as you get your "stuff" back). It will be easier to heal and move on without the contact.
You are NOT the "bad guy" for ending it and walking away. You did what was right FOR you and thus, for him too.
Give yourself time, learn to appreciate who you are and what you want. Then go for it. It will be fine.
Chin up.
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (5 October 2015):
 Hi,
what you're feeling is quite normal and in many ways, to be expected, after coming out of a relationship, although you don't mention how long the two of you were together.
I am assuming that you were together for quite a lengthy period of time, because your bf had met your family.
You have stated that you guys weren't ideal together (although not in these exact words) and that you'd not get back with him and you know it wouldn't work, however, you are feeling sad and lonely to some degree, because you simply miss what was, warts and all.
You enjoyed the company, if anything, although you knew that you were not an ideal match.
Many people are happy to stay within an unhappy relationship, primarily because they are in their comfort zone.
You know the old saying, better the devil you know, than the devil you don't know.
You are fully aware that you and your ex bf are not well suited, so with this knowing, you must work on letting go of the past, what was and allow yourself time to grieve and to move on, without him.
You are doing yourself the biggest favour, by way of releasing yourself of an unhealthy relationship and when you do this, you are allowing yourself the chance to meet the right person for you.
If you continue to remain within an unhealthy relationship, you cannot find closure and move on, giving you the chance to re-open your heart to finding and attracting the very best relationship.
Embrace the good times that you both shared and be realistic in the knowing, that you are going to move "forth" and not "back", to what simply "wasn't" working for you both and whereby you weren't fully content and happy.
I wish you all the best and please let me know how you get on. :-)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2015): The problem is that you didnt love him and he wasnt right for you and it was the sanest decision you ever made to end it with him and to embark on a new life.But you have been conditioned from childhood to believe that you are nothing without a man.Really thats where all those much loved disney cartoons come in so despite the fact that you are relatively successful you are still hanging on to the notion that you are incomplete without him.You are not mourning the man he was but you are mourning the man you thought he ought to be.I would allow myself these tears but try to think of it as tears of welcome for the next decent guy you need.You are crying for all his lazy and lying times about how he would improve and couldnt.You are crying because you didnt want the potential father of your childrem out propping up the bar each week.You are crying because its damned annoying that mum and dad were correct and he was not the one for you.You are crying because your first love was such a goddam waste of time that he was no love at all.You are crying to cleanse your spirit so that there is no residue of taint left in you by the deception that he was thw correct partner for you.So let those tears roll!And through that veil of tears try to plan out what you want to do next.
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