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I'm missing him a lot but I don't find him sexually attractive

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 April 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 20 April 2015)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I met this guy and we dated for about 4 months. In the end, he said it's not going to work so we decided to remain friends and we talk regularly still.

I am missing him so much, I just want him to be talking to me like he used to and do everything we used to do (meet, video call, call each other). I really don't know why I'm missing him so much? I think he's attractive but I don't find him sexually attractive, like I can't think of him sexually but I just feel so attached to him? I haven't been with someone physically in such a long time, it was just so nice for someone to want me and get to know me? I really don't know why I'm missing him so much, we weren't official or anything. (we didn't have sex, either) I can't stop thinking about him! I just want him to say I want to give it a try! Anyone enlighten me please?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2015):

I don't understand why he would message me out of guilt, I showed no signs of being sad at all. He wrote all these sad statuses on Facebook and other social networking sites after he did it! I ignored his message and he messaged me again, and we spoke and he messaged me again after that a few days later... We spoke yesterday too. He could be seeing other people, but I really do not think he would message me out of guilt when he seemed more sad than I did

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2015):

Guys who date you don't want to be your "girlfriend." Some guys have no interest in being "just friends" with girls who sexually-reject them; or they have dumped. They say they do to be polite, or to appear they are not emotionally-affected by the breakup. In reality, they'd like you to just disappear off the face of the planet, and pray they never run into you on the street.

If they call or text out of the blue; it's a mission of mercy, to see if you're okay. Out of pity! Or worse, to see if you're up for a booty-call. Mostly he's just massaging his own guilt for dumping you; and the contact and/or offer of phony friendship, is prelude to you finding out he's dating already. Rarely does it mean they're interested in rekindling the old romance, nor being friends. If he has become distant, that means all of the above.

You're lonely in general. Straight guys don't play the role "male-girlfriend," like us gay fellows. He wanted you for his girlfriend, not a buddy. If you're not sexually-attracted; you should be able to get over him in record-time. His ego is too damaged to feel like a "friend."

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2015):

It's been about 10 days since we've decided not to become 'official' as we wouldn't work, apparently. He still compliments me and messages me first most of the time, so I don't know if he still thinks that way. What do you think of that? Maybe I should try cutting back on communication with him and see how that goes.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2015):

It sounds like you are lonely and miss the affection and attention he gave you, but not being in a relationship with him.

How long ago did you split up? It is common to get hung up on the things you miss, even though as a couple you didn't work out, especially if you have split up recently.

I think sometimes as well, if it's a relationship that was just starting out, and everything was good but you both decided not to pursue it any further and remain friends, that you can start wondering what would have happened if you'd carried on dating, that things were fun, and you think things would have gotten better (I hope that makes sense - I mean in comparison to a long term couple that have been arguing a lot and end up not liking one another, whenever they miss their OH they can remember the exact reasons they split up).

Why did he split up with you? Does that reason still make sense to you both?

I think that when you find yourself dwelling on missing him, just try to distract yourself. If it's really getting you down, you're better off just cutting him off and not remaining friends, not in a nasty way, but you need to move on and if you're not attracted to him there is no point looking for a romantic relationship with him.

Time heals all wounds and eventually you will find yourself not missing him, and hopefully you will find someone else you can be happy in a relationship with. Good luck.

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