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I'm married but I can't stop thinking about my ex! How can I get him out of my mind?

Tagged as: Sex, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 June 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 1 July 2009)
A female Canada age 36-40, *irl79 writes:

Okay well here's my dilemma.

I can't get an old lover out of my head. It's been years since we've seen eachother and the majority of our relationship was sexual, but I always find myself thinking back and feeling what I felt years ago. I constantly have the desire to reconnect with this person, and have even made attempts to do so. Now my problem is that first of all I'm married, and secondly I can't even have sex with my husband without fantasizing about this other man. Seriously I've got issues!

How can I get this other man out of my head and out of my bedroom!?!

View related questions: my ex

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A female reader, girl79 Canada +, writes (1 July 2009):

girl79 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi everyone, thanks for your advice you've all made very valid points and given me alot to think about.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009):


I'm wondering why did you marry this guy in the first place if you have been feeling like this? I'm sure the old lover is your ex for a reason as well. While your fantasy isn't so much of a fantasy since you are making attempts to cheat on your husband, I must say that feeling "connected" to memories isn't healthy. If you are not happy with your husband then don't make him suffer by cheating on him, its not like he did anything wrong. At the very least have a divorce. On the other hand if you want to keep your marriage then I suggest to get over your ex...which should have been done before you got married. If the sex isn't great then at least try to make it great...put some effort into it before you jump the boat.

Good luck and I hope something works out.

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A female reader, vodkablue United Kingdom +, writes (30 June 2009):

hey there

from what i can see your husband is not giving you the satisafaction you need which is why youre reverting to thinking about your old lover.

have you spoke to your husband to see how hes feeling-maybe hes lost his spark due to stress at work etc ?

you need to talk to him because its not fair on either of you-yourself because youre frustrated and unhappy and him because your thoughts are for someone else.

maybe you could try experimenting with different stuff to see if you can reconnect or maybe think what was it your old lover gave you that your husband cant and thats where youlle find your answer. best of luck hun

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A female reader, lovnlife United States +, writes (30 June 2009):

Dont beat yourself up to be honest it happends more than you think.That fantasy of having the other person should have went away with your new husband lol but sometimes it lengers around and you end up feeling like you are cheating or something how ever there is a cure you have to go see this guy honestly its the only way to end your feeling you will see and the feeling you thought you had for him will go away because nothing more important then the man you jave at homw waiting on you if the other guy was more important you would still be with him unfortunatly guys are not understanding so keep that trip to yourself your husband will not like it on bit!!

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