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I'm lost in feelings about my cousin. What do I do?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Crushes, Family, Forbidden love, Sex, Teenage, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 July 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 30 July 2017)
A male United States age 30-35, *ovecat48519 writes:

Well as my title states I'm lost on my feelings about my cousin. It first started out when we were kids and we were both very close. Then we both learned out sex. We experimented quite a bit. To tell you the truth it made us even closer. From there we had a semi sexual relationship for several years. Finally one day we were going to have actual sex for the first time. Her older sister ended up walking in right before we got started but it was obvious what was going on. Both of our parents never let us see each other after that. Now that we are adults I am not sure how to feel about the whole situation. I still feel the loss of her cut deeply into me but I also still feel the attraction for her as well. I could even say that I love her still.... I don't know what to do or feel... I still dream about her from time to time and it doesn't help that she had chosen to give her virginity to me but then the option was ripped away. I just don't know what to do. I do want to talk to her about it but at the same time it doesn't seem like a good idea. All I know for sure is that I want that relationship with her back, the closeness as well as the sensual side but I don't know what to do or if it's even a good idea.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2017):

For several years my cousins lived with us. There was me my 4 older brothers and my older sister. Then my mother took in my 3 cousins, my mother is awesome and love every one of us. My older brother D and my cousin J became very close. My mum discourage the relationship but young people know better and they married. I always said what was good enough for royalty was good enough for us. My nephew K was born, my first nephew and i as the youngest uncle was expected to buy the cot, that was a con but i bought the cot. My nephew K was later diagnose as having hearing problems then also diagnose with learning disabilities. Whether did had anything to do with cousins marrying i do not know but my mum is adamant that this is the case. Anyway just so you know the whole family loves K to bits and would do anything for him

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A female reader, Dionee' South Africa +, writes (21 July 2017):

Dionee' agony auntOP, I would leave any thoughts of a relationship with your cousin out of your head as much as possible. There are so many lovely women out there that are not related to you that are willing to date. Why not start dating again? You could open yourself up to other possibilities.

You should think of your cousin more as 'off limits' because she's closely related to you and as previously mentioned, if a child had to result out of the two of you 'seeing where it goes' then chances are that said child would be at risk from the time he/she is conceived. Not to mention all the gossip and bias that the two of you will have to face.

I think that if you really care for your cousin then you should save her from all the torture that a relationship with her would bring.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2017):

WiseOwlE is right about the higher risk of birth defects if you did happen to partner up with your cousin and have a child/children together. My best friend married her first cousin (they did not let on they were related) and had two children. The first one has severe mental and physical disabilities. The second child mild mental disabilities.

Best to get your emotions under control, do some self-analyzation and exercise common sense. Look for women to whom you are not related.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (20 July 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntIt would most likely destroy your family's relationship if you got together as adults, moreso if you broke up.

Unless you're from (and still living in) a country where cousin relationships are common, it's a bad idea.

Please move on.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2017):

Kids will be kids. Back then, there were no boundaries; but as adults, you have to observe the parameters and the lines of separation set between family-members. You were just curious kids experimenting.

Fortunately, you were interrupted at a time in your mental and physical-development that you could have made a really grave mistake. What if a child had resulted?

First-cousins are too close genetically; and birth-anomalies and mental-disabilities are at higher risk. Side-stepping such risks is so totally unfair to a child, who has no choices in these matters. Hormones did all the thinking in your adolescence. You're a responsible adult now.

You should try and love and think of your cousin in a family way; and try to control your sexual-impulses. You are really lusting; based on your ruminations of the past. This is unhealthy, and really has little to do with loving her in the right sense of the word.

Don't contact her for the purpose of having sex with her. Don't booty-call your cousin, dude!

There are too many available women without having to turn to blood-relations for sex. Yes people marry cousins; but nowadays it seems just anything goes. Everyone has decided to out-date and dispose of morals. At what cost?

These are times when it seems fewer people look to our conscience and values to separate healthy behavior from unnecessary behavior. Oh, there's plenty of guilt for things that make no sense. Actions that deserve to be thoroughly thought-out and carefully considered before we act; get buried behind denial, or justified by a over-developed sense of entitlement. We sidestep self-control and just go with our impulses.

Sometimes we just have to differentiate right from wrong, and not always look for a loophole to make what is marginally-okay completely right.

If you can keep your pants on and reconnect as family, all is good. If you're just thinking with your dick, stay away from her. You were just kids messing around once upon a time. Now you know better.

This is just an opinion, it's not meant as a harsh judgment against you.

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