A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this isn't exactly a relationship question but this is killing me. I'm in debt after helping out financially. I haven't been able to pay credit cards, haven't been able to find a second job and now, I'm in danger of losing my car. My boyfriend can't help cause his income is fixed and my family can't help cause they have their own issues. I can't sleep, can't function well. I can't even qualify for a loan because after two months of being unable to pay, my credit score has dropped and dropped. I have nothing. Ironic, I never spent much money on myself so I don't even have things I can sell. I'm sharing a car with my mother cause my brother crashed my old one that she was using and I'm still trying to go to school. I shaved down expenses but still broke. Now, if I lose the car, I screw my mom over. I got desperate and asked a friend for a loan but I feel sick to my stomach cause i cannot pay her back and she has her own problems. What kind of person am I?? I feel myself getting distant with my boyfriend thinking he needs to find someone better, less burdened. He tells me he loves me and I can't take it because I've even considered moving out so that my rent share burden will be off my back. Scared too that I will lose my job. Can't sleep, feel like throwing up every time I force myself to eat.The funny thing is, the debt is not even that high! Less than 10,000. Sometimes I want to laugh at myself because it's ironic. I've been to rock bottom before but never like this. I've even sold my plasma for funds when last year, it was my pleasure to donate blood for free. I don't do anything now without thinking of how it will affect my finances. Please help.
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female
reader, like I see it +, writes (19 November 2016):
 One more thing I forgot to mention. Starting Jan. 1 you are able to file your tax returns for tax year 2016 if you have your W-2. Consider doing this (or paying a tax preparer to do it, if you don't feel comfortable filing them yourself) as soon as you get the W-2 so that whatever you get back is available right away to help cover your obligations, rather than sitting in a government account earning interest for the government until mid-April. I can only assume you will be owed a refund, as it seems you are barely making enough to live on and some of your expenses (job search related, education related etc) may even be tax deductible if you itemize your deductions. Make sure you are keeping all your receipts. If you prepare your own taxes, also make sure you've read up on all the deductions and credits that are available for the tax year so you don't miss out on filing for anything you may qualify for. Some of them are refundable, meaning you don't have to *owe* any additional tax bill for them to be applied to. If you qualify for them, the amount your entitled to will be paid out to you as part of your tax return. With any luck the tax return could be a little extra money in your pocket when you need it most.
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (19 November 2016):
You have gotten some great advice already. I would add that if you can move back in with family to save on rent, that is one way to trim a large expense from your budget. Your mom needs the car too, so it's in her best interests that you are able to keep making payments on it. Hopefully she is willing to help you do that, by letting you live with her temporarily or asking another relative if that person can help.
I get laid off from my job for a few months each year so I am always looking for ways to cut corners during that time period because I have no income and must rely on savings (it is typically very hard for me to find a job in the interim, because prospective employers can guess from the pattern of layoffs and rehires on my resume that I will be returning to the old job within a few months). I'm sure you have tried most of these ideas already, but I'll throw them out there just in case. Places I have been able to trim expenses include cooking all meals at home instead of eating restaurant meals or takeout, trying to only buy store brand foods that are on sale or for which I am able to find coupons, skipping TV/cable service and going to the local public library for internet service. Rather than running heating or AC and paying for it later I make sure I am dressed appropriately for the weather, even if that means layers of clothing indoors in the winter. If I want to entertain myself I read a book (from the library, not purchased) or go hiking, which costs me nothing. I don't buy new clothes for myself unless I am working and earning income because they are generally wants, not needs. If I actually need an article of clothing I don't have I check Goodwill - same for kitchen items and basic furnishings. No shame in that! I have found some great stuff there. Get a low maintenance haircut so you can go a month or two longer between trims (same for color if you color your hair); stick to drugstore brand hair products and makeup if you use it. I don't wear makeup at all (personal preference) and figure it has saved me hundreds if not thousands of dollars over the last ten years.
Take a look at your bank accounts and what the fees are just to have the account each month, because they add up quickly. Some banks offer accounts with lower or no fees for students - shop around if you can. No need to be loyal to a bank if they're bleeding you dry! Turn on overdraft protection for your accounts if you don't have it already because fees of $25 or $35 each time you have insufficient funds really add up.
You may also want to check out publicly funded resources for low income individuals or families in your state. You may be eligible (depending on your income and what your state offers) for low cost medical coverage and/or supplemental food assistance benefits, which might help free up some money you have been spending on those necessities.
I hope some or all of this helps you. Good luck and best wishes!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2016): At times like this it is best to value yourself as a human rather than as a bank balance.I was in a situation like yours once and I was xtremely desparate.The whole thing was eating me up.I drove to a park and stood on a bridge watching small ducklings swimming along after their mother!It was a quaint and pretty sight but all I could think of was my debts and what a burden I felt I was on others and how much better it might be if only I werent in the picture.Then this old guy who was nearby said to me :"Its such a pretty sight isnt it! It makes you want to live life doesnt it?"My noncommitted look probably told him more than I realised at the time because he then said " You must never worry about money in life!""Why not? " I asked"Because its not worth it!" he said "And the banks are always insured against there losses!"After that the conversation warmed up and he told me how he had been so stressed over his debts that he had actually had a stroke and some kind of operation after that which left a huge scar and if he had known that the banks just write off your debts after 6yrs of non contact because they are all insured anyway but you can never put a value on health. Once you loose it, it is a long battle back!So we chatted on about nothing just watching the ducklings and he carried on his journey to recovery and I on my life journey.I was amazed afterwards at the good effect that he had o my life.Eventually my debts got sorted.Money came in and I struck a deal with the bank to write off the debt for considerably less because they DO have insurance and I got them to freeze the interest and to stop hassling me.So get some debt advice and let the companies and banks know that your cash has dried up.Then figure out what you need to spend on living out of what you have coming in and dont scrimp on yourself and put in sensible amounts for rent food and medical insurance.Also allow yourself realistic transport and travel including car payments and petrol.Dont forget your utility bills either. Your gas, electricity and phone and water are generally also essentials.And try to see yourself as valuable.God put you on this earth for a reason and that was not to self annihilate over a bottlenecked wealth system skewed in favour of the wealthy.Look up banking scandals and you will see that they are ridiculous in their uneven demands and financial manipulation of the monetary market.Finally be thankful you have never made a war.The cost trillions and millions and cause nothing but human misery and heartache!Also change banks and pay your wages into a new simpler clean account so that you can stay alive.Finally look up how to declare yourself bankrupt if you dont see anything miraculously coming in.There is a paupers way of doing it that costs less than the wealthy way of doing it because wealthy people go bankrupt owing hundreds of thousands because they liked to spend a lot.Poorer people crucify themselves over much smaller amounts that get vastly inflated by interest and overlimit amounts.And pay your friend about $20 a month until you can repay it all because he or she is probably the most worthy payee of all.
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A
female
reader, Eagle'sfan1986 +, writes (19 November 2016):
I will go see the bank or talk to your boss where ever you work at for a loan or ideas to keep you from being in debt. I agree with denizen and ivy blue comments. How much does your boss pay you? Ask your parents if you can borrow the money if you can't get to the bank. Or you can ask your bf to drive you to the bank so you can talk to the bank manager and see what kind of ideas he can throw at you to keep from being in debt.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (19 November 2016):
 Have you first tried talking to the bank to get some advice on how best to deal with it? I mean the obvious is to get you to pay up but it could be possible for you to negotiate a better deal on your outstanding debt. banks don't tell you, you have to ask. Does your college offer financial counselling services or advice. In my country, if you qualify, there are community agencies that offer guidance or what other options you may have for free. When you say you are in debt for helping out financially-what do you mean exactly and what is the deal with your brother being financially responsible for crashing your car?
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (18 November 2016):
 This is an awful experience you are going through. The way out is to face it. Pay off your smallest debts first. These are often to the smaller traders and businesses who need the cash flow more than larger organisations. Also it psychologically makes your debt seem smaller if it is only to one ore two companies.
Second, approach the company who you owe the most and tell them you are in trouble. See if they will arrange a favourable repayment scheme you can afford. In UK debts can often be cut to make them more manageable. There is a process of debt consolidation. The companies would rather have something than nothing.
If you have large HP commitments it might be better to end them eg. send back the car and buy an old banger.
Often it is the interest on loans and credit cards that is a killer. Tear them up. Do not use credit cards. You are just digging the hole deeper. Talk to the bank, They will help. It is a common problem.
You can fix this while it is still a manageable amount. You also need to change your shopping habits. No spontaneous purchases. If you don't need it, don't buy it. Buy the cheaper store brands. Save wherever you can.
Work out how much you can spend each week and take that amount out of your account in cash - no more. Make it last the week.
Once you start taking control of the situation you will feel better. You can turn it around. You really can. Take action, get help, be strong.
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A
female
reader, Eagle'sfan1986 +, writes (18 November 2016):
How much does your income cover at your other job? Being in dept is so serious. I know your family has their problems but maybe they can help you out just this once. Have you talked to your boss about asking for a raise also? Yes finding a new job is hard work. Maybe during the holidays you can find a second job. I am so sure your bf really loves you and thinks you are wOrth keeping as his gf.don't get too discourage and distance yourself from him at all. Let him help you.
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