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I'm losing my best friend and don't know what to do.

Tagged as: Friends, Social Media, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 January 2017) 11 Answers - (Newest, 3 February 2017)
A male age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm friends with a female who ive known for six months, I knew her from work as we worked together and seem to get on, she was one of those temporary people.

anyway she told me she was off to nicaragua on a water project to promote clean water and she would be away for six months and she wouldn't come back to work.

when she got back from her trip during christmas, she never got in touch or asked how I was, like she normally does, and I find this to be kind of strange.

has she changed or is it just me? a friend of hers on her comment page asked when she would be in touch with them by email and she replied.

so I decided to leave a message which said what about me dude, which was meant to be taken as a job as she hasn't been in touch for ages, and she seemed to take offence to this and I don't really know what else I can say to her, this was on facebook.

What should I do?

View related questions: best friend, christmas, facebook

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (3 February 2017):

She is and was not your friend. She was a friendly coworker. It seems you have way too much invested in someone you knew for only six months. She didn't contact you and was offended when you contacted her. Leave her alone!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2017):

when I mean best friend, mean someone who I regard as one, maybe she was just using me to pass the time by, I don't know.

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (1 February 2017):

I find it very hard to believe you can qualify someone as your "best friend" after just knowing her for 6 months in a work environment. More likely: you're into her, she's not into you and her keeping her distance is a very clear signal of her telling you to back off.

Rule of the thumb: when you think someone is giving you mixed signals, they are actually clearly broadcasting they're not into you, but your own desires get in the way of seeing what's in front of you. This goes for women as well as men. This rule has proven itself true to me, without fail.

I had a work colleague who started trying to police my behavior around him, as in: when I didn't give him enough attention he would complain to me about it. It made me want to distance myself even more, not less. Trying to force 'friendship' onto someone (and let's be very honest here, this is not friendship at all, this is romantic interest poorly disguised as friendship) will get you categorized as that guy she really really does not want to hear from.

Keep your distance, try to do your own thing and try to get your own hobbies where you meet people.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (1 February 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntAre you the same guy who bought her flowers before she left and refused to go to work because you had commented on her social media? If not then your story is very much like his and I doubt it will end well. She worked with you for a while then went away I doubt she hasn't even thought about contacting you, why would she, you are a guy she worked with for a while.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (1 February 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt Don't say anything more and leave that girl be.

You may have meant your words as a joke,- but people are not obliged to joke around with casual acquaintances ( as she was and is for you ). I think her silence clrealy signaled that she was not / is not interested in being in touch with you , and her irritated reaction makes me think that she is frustrated because you don't " get it ".

You may think that you have not crossed any line- but apparently, from her reaction, she thinks you did. Let her be the judge.

Friendship is a gift, it can only be accepted when it is freely offered to you- but it cannot be demanded . Unluckily, you cannot MAKE people be your friends,- it's even more difficult , and pointless, than trying to MAKE them love you romantically.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (1 February 2017):

chigirl agony auntYou dont have her phone number, this indicates in a long way that you and her are not, and have never been, friends. Leave it alone and hang out with your male friends from now on.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2017):

No, OP, you did not cross any lines at all. In fact, you did nothing wrong. So don't beat yourself up over someone like that.

Her reaction was extreme. She has no sense of humour and an ego if you ask me.

If I were her, I would not have been offended and I would have given you a polite response just to be kind. That's because I'm not a bitch and she is.

Do yourself a favour from now on and ignore her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2017):

Ive not crossed a line by saying what I said as it was tended to be a joke.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2017):

I have other friends, maybe the title of the problem was a bit melodramatic, so I apologise if that was the case. I don't have her phone number as I'd contact, the only contact info I have is her email, that's all.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (31 January 2017):

chigirl agony auntI don't get this post. You write she is your best friend? She is not a friend. She is a former collague who you barely knew, you only knew her for 6 months and that was 6 months ago. She didn't get in touch with you because she has no need for contact with you.

It sounds as if you've overplayed what this "friendship" has meant. I would advice you to take a look at why you called this a friendship to begin with, and why instead of calling her or sending her a text message, you use Facebook. Facebook is not personal. Maybe you don't have her phone number? Then she was never your friend, just someone you barely knew.

Do you have real friends, who you talk to often and hang out with and do things with? Or are you mostly by yourself? If you do not have many other friends, this could explain why you thought the friendship with her was of more importance than what it actually was.

And, in general, make friends of your own gender, not the opposite gender. Females do not want to be friends with heterosexual males, because that tends to lead to the males wanting a relationship or at least something sexual. So try to make friends of your own gender.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (31 January 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntI remember a guy who did the same as you, thinking he was close friends with a colleague and writing a little "joking" dig on her Facebook and pushing her away. That's what happens.

You weren't best friends, you were co-workers that chat at work. I'm sorry, but you need to leave this lady alone before she feels harassed.

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