A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Does everyone really maybe not know where things will go when you start hanging out with someone you like??? I mean right now of course we like each other and he says a connection is there he just dont know what it is yet.... So yea we had good awesome sex and stoped 3 months ago cause i didnt want to do it anymore until i heal more from a bad abusive relationship 14 months months ago i left that.... What im saying is i asked to stay friends and i really really like him and could possibly fall in love if we started spending time together again so i am really extra careful and keep him at a distance cause i of course dont want to get hurt.... He says he likes helping me he means we did have conversations in which he helped me heal and learn the differance between real love and emtional dependency.... However he dont know how things would go when im better and be ok with seeing him again in person...And says we have a connection just dont kno what kind exzactly yet.... And i know i will fall in love if we start seeing each other.... Does all that mean that he dont know that and whatever i really dont kno either... Please help.... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2017): Leave the guy alone,you say you don't want to get hurt again,so any man isn't good enough, you can't judge a man from what the other man did to you, leave him completely alone, what you really mean is he isn't good enough, cause if he was,it wouldn't matter what your ex did to you, what probably will happen you will break this guys heart, then you will end up with another jerk ,that you will fall for again,I know it happened to me, now I realize she did the right thing ,I wasn't her type, its been over a year in a half, an am still thinking about her ,please leave him alone
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2017): Everything you've explained in your post makes perfect sense to me. I think more people should take their time and pace their feelings with someone they are growing feelings for.
Take the time to determine what kind of feelings they are; and who the person is you're feeling for.
You can have a fondness that stops at a point. Sex doesn't necessarily establish how deep feelings run. Easier for men to have sex without attaching our feelings than it is for women.
He is being honest with you by telling you he feels something; but he's willing to take his time. He isn't sure what he's feeling yet; and he's not sure of you just yet either. We men tend to be slow at coming to terms with our emotions and outwardly expressing them. Not to say you should let him lead you on or drag it out. You have a right to set your own limitations and rules about that.
I have to caution you though. I thought I could hold-out my feelings for my guy; but he dragged them out of me. So I just waited before I could come right-out and say the L-word. Let go of your feelings only when you see them equally and fully reciprocated. Not one moment sooner!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 July 2017):
 He is of course allowed to say he doesn't where this will go but would you be okay if he dates other women while you wait till you are completely healed? Even people who take their time dating can agree to be exclusive. Is his connection with you strong enough that he would be patient, or does his connection only turn on knowing that he's going to get sex? People who come out of abusive relationships are vulnerable. They may become naïve and either trust too much or trust nothing at all when it comes to people.
"I don't know where things would go." can mean many things. Players say this. Serious,cautious people say this. Men say it more often than women because when they have sex they don't get attached as easily as women. In your case, he basically says he can't make guarantees. The more important question is can you see where things go for both of you, while focused on each other or is it more like, anything goes, go with the flow (don't be mad if I withdraw one day) kind of thing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2017): Leave the guy alone,you say you don't want to get hurt again,so any man isn't good enough, you can't judge a man from what the other man did to you, leave him completely alone, what you really mean is he isn't good enough, cause if he was,it wouldn't matter what your ex did to you, what probably will happen you will break this guys heart, then you will end up with another jerk ,that you will fall for again,I know it happened to me, now I realize she did the right thing ,I wasn't her type, its been over a year in a half, an am still thinking about her ,please leave him alone
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