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I'm just confused? Is he either low key in love with me or obsessed or just crazy? What to do?

Tagged as: Cheating, Teenage, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 July 2016) 6 Answers - (Newest, 4 July 2016)
A female United States age 18-21, *ourelockedout writes:

I don't want to make this too long.

Basically, I dated this dude, it was long distance. Blah blah. Let's call him “C” .

C” and I dated from like, November 2014 till March 2015. We were basically the perfect couple and I couldn't go a minute, let alone a second, without thinking about him. “C” was/is everything.

We Skyped a bunch, planned our lives together, our first meeting. Everything.

Anyways, so when we broke up in March, or whenever, we still decided that we would be like "exclusively talking". It's the thing where you guys are basically dating, just you're not official.

Which, btw, that's stupid as hell.

Anyways. So “C” and I were exclusively talking, so I thought. I wasn't talking to anyone else, but apparently he had been talking to this chick who lived in the college dorms literally 5 mins away from him.

We will call her “R” .

So long story short, he had actually been cheating on me with “R” ! I didn't know this until she said they'd been dating since, like, September of 2014.

That's literally when “C” and I met. But whatever. So “C” and I decided we would just stay friends because we still wanted to be in each other's lives.

Obviously I still loved him, but if friends was all I could get, I'd take it. So I was fine with that.

Then, he starts to cheat on “R” and tell me that he misses me and "everything" a sh^t ton. Smh.

And that maybe we will work in the future, that it's not like he will never get over me (I THOUGHT THIS WAS THE CUTEST THING IN THE WORLD), and that he's addicted to me.

All sorts of stuff that a boyfriend would tell his girlfriend.

Except we weren't dating.

He was dating “R” , so I was very confused.

But of course, I didn't like deny it because I love him so whatever. Then one random day in August 2015, he leaves.

Tells me to leave him alone and whatever.

I'm heartbroken, I cried for months. Every single day. I'm convinced I'll love him forever, so yeah. Whatever.

Then, Valentine's Day I texted him and he blew me off. I expected it.

A few days later, this random kik account starts to message me.

Let's call him... "B". B's username was.. Let's call it.. XXXXX. So this B dude messaged me every single day.

I didn't really know him so I blew him off, whatever. Then, I kept having these weird dreams that “C” was actually the one behind the account.

Long story short, in May, I find out it is indeed “C” !

I cried for like 5 mins straight when I found out. He claims it isn't him, which idk why, considering I know it is.

He sends photos and everything, even sent me a pizza lol. But anyways, he told me that when he left last August it wasn't him who sent the message.

Hinting that basically it was “R” .

He is still with her btw. They're engaged, but still talks to me. He talks to me like I'm his girl, usually.

He says that he's the luckiest guy alive that he has me? And says all these things about someone I should marry, literally hinting at himself. Also. A few days ago, he created a second fake account to talk to me.

This time, though, he made it exactly like mine and claims I'm talking to my 'future' self, even though it's obviously him. I'm just confused? He is clearly either low key in love with me / obsessed with me or just crazy. Or all 3. I just want to know how others feel about it. Leave your opinions lol, be as nice as you can please. I'm sensitive lol.

View related questions: broke up, engaged, heartbroken, long distance, text

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A male reader, Xearo Trinidad and Tobago + , writes (4 July 2016):

This all revolves around what you want out of life and your own future. In your past and current actions, you have allowed yourself to be a doormat for your ex.

As you wait on someone that will never come around, life will pass you by. In 50 years when he does come around, he will not even be the person you thought he was.

My advice would be to simply move on and delete this guy from your life. Try to get back a grip on reality so you can pull yourself up.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (4 July 2016):

Anonymous 123 agony auntOP its time you get over being "sensitive" as you call it. You need a good hard dose of reality.

This guy isn't in love with you.

He is certainly not addicted to you or obsessed with you.

He's not crazy.

He's just playing you because he knows how foolish you are and that you'll believe his nonsense no matter how badly be treats you. He's made his choice and had chosen the other girl over you. He sounds dangerous and creepy and someone you should stay far far away from.

I sincerely hope you have parents and/or friends to guide you because you are really, really naive and sound terribly immature, to honest. His behavior isn't "cute" and it's best you grow out of your "love" him. Keep in mind that he could also seriously hurt you, not just emotionally but also physically. Please be very, very careful.

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A female reader, miss frank United Kingdom +, writes (4 July 2016):

This guy is a cheating slimeball, not to be trusted. He seems to take great joy in stringing you along, treating you with no respect, and playing with you. I feel very sorry for the fiance, she will at some stage learn what a horrid piece of work he is. This mans ego is the most important thing to him. He is playing with you! You ate not important to him, just how his ego feels when you play along.

Who cares what accounts hes made up? You are acting like you have something special - you don't.

He is engaged. He is treating both of you like dirt. Wise up. Go find a man who is able to care for you and doesn't play stupid games at the expense of girls feelings.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (4 July 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with Cindy,

What you need is a dose of common sense, OP

He DID dump you in March because he didn't want to juggle DATING 2 girls at the same time, HE picked R. But he also didn't want YOU to move on with YOUR life, so he came up with this ridiculous bogus "exclusive talking thing" - and you bought it hook, line and sinker!! Which meant he could date R without seeming like he was cheating on her and he could talk to you without having to commit anything towards you. Basically... have his cake (R) and eat it too (you).

He isn't in love with you OP. He just don't want you to move on. He wants you to chase him and rub his ego, while he can point and laugh at you with his fiance. Want to bet he tells her you are this crazy ex who still stalks him?

It's not healthy. HE has picked R. He has even proposed to the poor girl. It's time for you to move on. BLOCK him, un-friend, delete, trash HIM and move on.

Don't YOU deserve a guy who is JUST yours? Who doesn't play pathetic mind games with you? Creating fake accounts to talk to you? What a nutjob!

And next time you decide to "date" a guy, I'd suggest it's someone who lives close enough that you can get to know each other in person, not just over the internet as "pen-pals" with a fantasy future.

And I agree, don't WORRY about why he is doing these things. There is no way of knowing, nor should you really care. He has NOT treated you right. It's NOT cute that he doesn't want to let you go while HE is dating someone else. That is F'd up!

So focus on YOU, your friends, family, hobbies, school, job etc and let him go, mentally, emotionally and physically. Once you have your head straight on again and you can see how RIDICULOUS this whole situation was... you will be ready to learn from it and find someone who TRULY cares about you.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (4 July 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntHe's not in love; he's playing with you. If anyone is leaning towards obsessed, it's probably you, OP - just because you're refusing to move on, even though you know he's a lying cheater.

He was with R before you, so you were the other girl.

This isn't love on his or your side, OP. I know it feels like it is, but what he said isn't cute; it's lies to keep you on the hook.

You don't really know this guy, so dodge further bullets and block him, then don't talk to new people online for 6 months - if, after that, someone seems like they are him and won't video chat to prove who they are, block them and move on.

I met my boyfriend online and we're long distance most of the year, but you *have* to be responsible with who you talk to online.

Don't plan a future with someone you haven't met in person yet.

Always insist on video chatting within 2 months of online talking, to prove that you both are who you say you are - do not accept "I don't have a webcam"/"I don't have Skype"/"too busy"etc.

Don't sext.

Don't send loads of pictures (they can save them and/or catfish someone using your pictures).

Don't give them your number until you've video chatted 2+ times.

Don't meet them until you've video chatted 2+ times.

Always meet in public for the first 3 meetings and don't stay with them (if it's far enough to need to stay, stay in a hotel).

I'm all for LDRs, but you need to stay safe and grounded in reality with them.

I'm sorry he's a jerk, OP, but I think you should let go.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (4 July 2016):

CindyCares agony aunt OP, you may want to try to be sensible, not just sensitive.

What is there to be confused about ?

It boils down to :

he was with R and cheating on R with you.

He is still with R.

He is engaged with R.

That's all you need to know to take your distance and tell him to go jump in the lake.

What difference does it make if the fake account was his or not, or if a certain message was from him or from R ?

As you like to say : whatever.

Anything he says or admits or denies etc. : at the end of the day he still is with R and he is engaged with R.

You can think about the "whys" until your head is spinning and you get cross eyed- but that won't change what you are dealing with, i.e. a taken guy who plays with your feelings and makes a fool of you , so for whatever reason he does this ( the ones you quote, or also, more simply, vanity, ego stroke and wanting always to keep a "spare " ) it can't be anything nice, healthy, wise, respectful or honorable.

So, say a big : whatever !, stop thinking about the whys, and think instead how to move on and get to know SINGLE guys.

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