A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is a followon from another of my previous questions regarding being attracted to a married female work colleague, and I warn you this is long question and silly, jealous thinking..http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-you-put-someone-out-of-your.htmlNow my problem is, not her husband (it never was) , but another guy in the office that Ive noticed she's been seeing and talking to a lot of lately. Ive seen her with him talking and he going up to her at her desk for a bit of a chat, and it annoyed me but didnt worry too much it. Today is Sunday and I went into the office to do a few things, and I got there only to find that she was there working. To cut a long story short she said hi to me but it wasnt particularly friendly. I asked her a couple of questions and it seemed like she didnt really want to be disturbed, so I left her to it- fair enough its Sunday after all and we could all be doing better things.I went and sat down at another desk, a fair way away from her, and about 30 mins later, the guy that I mentioned above arrived. As soon as I saw him i thought 'Whats he doing here?' Not long after, he walked up to her desk smiling, and when she saw him, gave him an enthusiastic hello and they chatted for about 10 mins (not that i was timing them, but approx).After he left her I could tell that she and him where continuing their conversation electronically- the typing a few words, pause, type a few more words etc gave that away withouit even seeing, and there was no one else there other than me.When I finally got ready to leave she was still working. Before that though I went and tried to talk to her a bit more and once again it seemed like she was trying to get rid of me, saying, Anyway.. anyway a couple of times. I asked her at one point what her husband is doing while she is at work and she said he was at home waiting for her.As I walked out the door and said goodbye it was almost like she felt guity at treating me like shit admittedly I am used to it- she does this quite a bit), and tried to make last minute conversation with me.The question is, am I being stupid to be jealous at the fact that she quite obvioously likes this guy way more than I, and being more jealous at him that her hubby waiting at home. Why do i put myself through this? To be honest my thoughts are "if she is going to be friendly with someone other than her husband it should be me"I shouldn't assume there is anything going on, right?If I discover that anything is going on between the 2 work colleagues (although I can't prove there is..yet), i will be the first person to let the cat out of the bag!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your comments too- I thought it might be interesting to answer them :)
- you are a sucker for punishment
You are not wrong and Ive in fact been telling myself this the last few days, due to further problems with this collegue. Nothing major, just the fact that she so all over the place in terms of her attitude towards me.
- she is extremely friendly with the other guy
She certainly is, and I dont know if they are being discreet but i havent seen them togther in the office once, although I know she is using written communication. She seems to disappear for long periods of time alot, but that could be my imagination running wild on me.
-she has no respect/admiration for you
You hit the nail on the head there, she doesnt. I fell into the trap of becoming emotionally attached to her during a period (admittedly, weeks ago) when she did appear to have at least respect for me. I dont really know what happened to cause the change of attitude, which makes it all the harder
-her attitude stinks
Yes, especially towards me, and this week hasnt really been that much better
-she may be a cheater/ adulterer
It is possible, although if so she's hiding it well- at least from her husband!
If i was your friend i would give u a good shake, almost hurting you. I will also tell u that she is not worth any time or effort. Dont bother about her. Ignore her.
I like this comment and i definitely need a good kick/shake for falling for her in the first place- All the other males at work seem relatively indifferent to her, except the above mentioned guy of course. When someone is nice to you its natural to take to them i guess- shame it didnt continue.
Seems like u dont mind her being an adulterer, just as long as its with u? U need some sense knocked into u and Fast!
well, that is a tough one. No i am very against adultery but i think due to my feelings for her, I would find it very hard to say no to her, in a hypothetical situation. In saying that, I had no intention of trying to initiate anything as the feeling I had been getting was that she was/is happily married.
A single guy pining over a married woman who may just be interested in another man? What a mess!
It's pathetic I know, sadly caused by the fact that she started being friendly towards me and seemed to be interested in me as a person, somthing very rare (at least to me)... er and the fact that I find her extremly attractive
Mister, only u can decide whether she is worth even a seconds thought. Personally i think not!
She's not and Im really trying to get her out of my head (and heart) but its hard work!
Just eluding back to the first answer, I dont think I would tell her husband directly if i was going to let 'the cat out of the bag), I would look for a more interesting way of doing it. If I was the husband I would want to know, as hard as it would be. It would not help my cause I know, but would at least give me a lot of satisfaction!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): I cannot access your 1st question and have not read the 1st reponse here.
I just want to add this:
- you are a sucker for punishment
- she is extremely friendly with the other guy
-she has no respect/admiration for you
-her attitude stinks
-she may be a cheater/ adulterer
If i was your friend i would give u a good shake, almost hurting you. I will also tell u that she is not worth any time or effort. Dont bother about her. Ignore her.
Seems like u dont mind her being an adulterer, just as long as its with u? U need some sense knocked into u and Fast!
A single guy pining over a married woman who may just be interested in another man? What a mess!
Mister, only u can decide whether she is worth even a seconds thought. Personally i think not!
LoveGirl
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You yes! - I agree with you and really was expecting the response I got. I must have been on drugs when I wrote this question! (Not really) But it felt good to have a rant and write it all down anyway- and I have cooled down a bit now. You are right that I do deserve better.. Thanks for taking the time to read the question (I was surprised that anyone did) and for your blunt and honest answer :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): To be blunt, i don't think she likes you that much. I don't know why. Sometimes people just rub you the wrong way. It could be that she knows you have an attraction to her and she doesn't like that. Anyway, as for her and her collegue, who are you to say something is going on? People can be friendly to people other than their husbands. And he could've had some things to take care of at the workplace also. And as friends do, they decided to talk electronically while working, even though you have no proof that she was even talking to him. To be honest my thoughts are "if she is going to be friendly with someone other than her husband it should be me" Please explain your thinking. Why is she obligated to be friendly with you? People are people, and if you don't like someone, than that's that. If I discover that anything is going on between the 2 work colleagues (although I can't prove there is..yet), i will be the first person to let the cat out of the bag!Do you honestly think that will help your cause? I don't know the work laws that well, but i'm pretty sure relationships between collegues are allowed. She's married, and thats horrible for the husband, but its not your place to tell him. To answer your question, yes you are being stupid. She treats you like shit (you said so yourself) don't you think you could do better?!
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