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I'm insecure because I'm not the hot blonde but a short Asian!

Tagged as: Friends, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 April 2012) 9 Answers - (Newest, 10 April 2012)
A female United States age 26-29, *enaP writes:

So lately alot of people have been saying im pretty or beautiful. But i just pass it off thinking theyre just saying that because they feel bad for me, theyre my friends, or theyre my family. Whenever i look in the mirror at myself i dont see the other things people see. Im not that "hot" blonde hair blue eyed girl. Im a short asian with a small chest. Not to mention i have a few pimples. I'll never be one of those "popular" girls guys want to hang around with. But i do have a lot of friends its not like im a loner. But sometimes i think to myself why cant i be as pretty as her??? I talked to one of my friends saying that all the guys are all over her. She said yea but its just because they think im easy and im not as half pretty as you. But shes one of those people guys call "hot". Any thoughts pr opinions would help alot thanks :)

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A female reader, 1sunshine United States +, writes (10 April 2012):

1sunshine agony auntI think asian women are really beautiful!! I am tall and blond, (with brown eyes though.) Not plastic in any way LOL!! I think the grass is always greener on the other side. :) Your dark hair is shiny and straight and so pretty. Mine is crazy...first I blow dry it forever, flat iron than sillicone it to death for it to be straight! AND it still isn't perfect ;) Asian eyes are always so pretty too.

I was crazy about this guy that I used to work with. I wanted so much to go out with him and he just wasn't interested in me. ( like that )I noticed that he had a "thing" for asian girls and dated three of them in a row... I was jealous lol!! Every guy has their preference and that is what makes life interesting. Hang in there sister, things will work out for you. ;) ;)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012):

My wife is a very petite asian, and she often says similar things about being tall and blond (I'm tall and blond).

That way of thinking is just weird to me. I find her to be incredibly attractive. I never look at blond women and think "wow, I wish I had someone like that". Don't get me wrong, I find a lot of women from many different races, different heights, different builds, to be attractive (my wife is the only asian woman I've ever had a relationship with).

There are lots of different ways to be "hot" to men. Some guys are attracted to a woman who is brassy and outgoing, but a lot of guys are attracted to a woman who is a bit quieter.

This is a stereotype of a stereotype in some sense, but the only thing I'd watch out for are men who think that just because you're asian, you have a certain personality type (e.g. submissive). Make sure they like you for who you are and they're not just attracted to you because they think you fit a certain stereotype. (Any man who initially thinks my wife fits the asian stereotype is setting themselves up for a rude shock!)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012):

So_Very_Confused is right.

Listen, OP, from my experience I think I can risk saying the following:

-Asian women are considered attractive (speaking from a white European POV)

-most guys I know would rather date a shorter girl (like about 10cm difference), and most girls would rather date a taller guy, so your height should not be a problem

-blue-eyed blondes are hot, that's a fact. And do you know what "hot" means in this context? It means some men would be happy to use them as "toys". A blonde, "plastic" girl is quite often not a serious dating material.

-don't be insecure about the size of your breasts. As far as I know they are more sensitive (=more pleasure for you :) ), and your man will love them just because they are yours.

It seems as though you need to boost your confidence. Read some articles on that. Concentrate on your interests and hobbies, do well whatever you like doing. Use success in those areas to boost your self-esteem and offset any negatives that might come along. In the process, you might find somebody who is interested in YOU, not the color of your hair and the size of your chest.

Good luck :)

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (9 April 2012):

chigirl agony auntThere are different kinds of beauty. I know tons of guys who'd take a short, flat chested, Asian girl over a blond, blue-eyed bimbo. It's a matter of different tastes, and contra your own beliefs not all men are into this "hot" blond, blue eyed girl. There are just as many men who are into chick that look just like YOU.

Besides, people don't get popular over looks, they get popular over their personality and the personality of the people around them. I've seen women of all shapes and sizes and looks who become popular, and just as many gorgeous women who are not popular. "Popular" is just a contest over who can get the most attention, and is not about looks.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (9 April 2012):

Honeypie agony aunt So_Very_Confused is totally right.

Sometimes the "hot" girls are called hot because they put out, but people do not think nicely of them.

Be who you are, be proud of who you are.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (9 April 2012):

Danielepew agony auntSo Very Confused is So Very Right.

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A male reader, Hugh.J United Kingdom +, writes (9 April 2012):

Hugh.J agony auntPlastic, pneumatic and manufactured blondes (American?) are considered "hot" by many, but I wouldn't go near one - just TOO fake.

You are genuine and true to yourself, which is FAR more attractive. and you will have no trouble in finding someone long-term just right for you: wait and see!

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (9 April 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntWell dear I can tell you point blank that my fiance DROOLS puddles for tiny Asian ladies... they are his preferred female.... I am neither... and yet he's with me.

so the point is this:

1. many men find tiny women attractive

2. many men find Asian women VERY attractive.

3. many men refer to women as HOT but it does not mean they think they are dating material

the best thing you can do is love what you have and who you are and accept that you will find someone....

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A male reader, MikeEa1 Australia +, writes (9 April 2012):

MikeEa1 agony auntlike many blokes I know I don't like blondes I only like asians. you are what a lot of people like. expand your friends and aquaintances and you will find that some of them like you love you and lust after you. forget about spots men will love you for what you are. there are a few shallow ones. you should ignore them because after you are married they will always be looking over your shoulder.

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