A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in love with the cashier at my local grocery store. The first time I saw her I was so thunderstruck and giddy, as soon as I got home I blurted out to my wife about the beautiful the girl I just saw. I usually think before I speak.A little background: I have been married for 5 years, before that I was a complete virgin. My wife is the first woman I ever dated/kissed/etc. Growing up, I didn't have much self confidence and I was very unpopular with girls in school, until I met my wife.And I am quite happily married, very much in love with my spouse and have the greatest family.But the way I feel about this girl is something I have never felt about anyone before, its a powerful immediate attraction. I used to work at a resort and worked with hundreds of beautiful women every day, but none of them had this effect on me.She is completely and naturally beautiful and has an awesome personality to match. Truly, the most attractive girl I have seen in my life. And she is intelligent, she graduated with honors.Even though I am in my mid-thirties, I am still painfully shy and awkward with people, especially women. She is 18 and just graduated high school this year. I think she may feel the same way about me, whenever I see her she seems genuinely happy to see me and flashes the most beautiful smile. Am I imagining things? Is she just being friendly?It has been almost three years since I first saw her and I feel just as strongly as I did the first day. I have only exchanged a few words with her, besides shyness something else holds me back (my age?, I'm married?). I know nothing can happen between us, but I would love to know her, as friends at least, and I want her to know me.Here's the strangest part: its not even sexual. I don't get aroused or anything talking to her, but I would marry her tomorrow if that was a possibility.I have seen attractive women before and people I would like to befriend, but I never approached or talked to them and always regret it. I feel extremely sad when I think that she and I will never know one another.What can I do, what should I do? I need to stop thinking about this.
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female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 In Italy, they speak of the thunderbolt. You see a person and you're struck by feelings that immediatly overwhelm you. I think this is a case of infatuation. It happens! Love takes more time, patience, and work. Infatuation is sudden, overwhelming, and addicting. You said it yourself, you're happy in your marriage and yet, you're charmed by this girl. Your wife is your first everything, it's quite normal in your case to develop a powerful crush and wonder...you missed out on that excitement in your youth. You ever hear "Just My Imagination" by the Temptations? Fantasy has you floating, reality slaps you down. In reality, you're married, older than her, she may have a boyfriend whom she loves madly or only sees you as a friendly customer. She flashes a pretty smile, but who is she truly? I want you to stay away from that store for a while, spend time with your family. Think long and hard about the pain that'd be involved if you made a move towards this girl. You love your family, this is a test. Don't fail.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 November 2010):
 I was going to say you're too young to have a midlife crisis. Your problem is you lack prior dating experience...you married your wife because she was your first everything. It's normal to find women striking and a pleasure to look at. But this is also an 18 year old who just finished high school, she's hardly an adult. You on the other hand are married and 30-35, older and much more mature than this cashier. If you love your wife and the life you share with her, then forget this girl.
I suggest shopping at a new grocery store, and staying away from that one.
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (27 November 2010):
 Disagree with ivanichiaynus
You've never talked to her other than a few words, you don't know who she is sleeping with, you dont know her hobbies/interests, her aspirations and hopes....You know nothing about the girl. You've barely said a few words.
You think she is beautiful and have read into her every gesture and word to make an evaluation of her as a person. She's just being polite and professional. She smiles at every customer and the ones she recognize that come often she gives them a little extra attention.
You have a wife. She should be the most beautiful girl in the world to you. Do you actually think this girl would go on a date with you, continue into a relationship and marry you? She's, what, 20/21 now?? She likes being around men her own age and having fun. She lives on a very different planet than you. I doubt there would be any compatability,you just haven't figured that part out, because you have not spoken to her!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): Get over yourself! You're a married man, you shouldn't be looking at other women in this way, even more so a woman who is so much younger than you.
The young girl is just doing her job and being polite. Start shopping else where!
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 What you need to do, my man, is grow up. You're a late starter in the game of relationships and therefore your attitude on this situation is a very adolescent one. You made your choice of partner for whatever reason, and you have to stand by that decision. I imagine your wife chose you and, due to your inexperience and shyness, were flattered beyond belief by her attentions. However, choices were made and you have to stand by them. That's life. In the meantime, your confidence has grown. If you made a move on this girl and gave up your family life for her, how long before the next one arrived? Time to stop acting/ thinking like a teenager and face up to your adult responsibilities. Give your wife and kids the love and respect they deserve.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, ivanichiaynus +, writes (27 November 2010):
 You are cleary in soulmate territory here and if you don't overcome your shyness and get to know her properly you will regret it for the rest of your life.
Do you want to spend forever wondering what might have been?
Find some courage and get on with it.
Ivan.
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