A
female
age
16-17,
girlbooks
writes:Alright, so I'm in high school and I'll be graduating in a couple of weeks and turning 18 in June. My teacher is getting laid off and won't be at my school anymore. We get along great, sometimes he talks to me randomly, he's extremely sweet with me (like his tone of voice, with other girls he seems a bit meaner), and we have a lot in common. He has such a great personality and he's everything I've ever looked for in the opposite sex. I'm really true to my feelings, I don't fall for just anyone. To be honest, I'm picky. Now, I just can't stop thinking about him. Everything he does I remember, like when he waved at me today from his truck. I just want to hug him so bad, but I think that would be wrong... Anyway, I don't know what to do. Should I go for it after I graduate, should I tell him how I feel, or just leave it alone?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): To add to my previous post:
(this isn't really answering your question anymore, but I need a forum to pour my heart out, and it seems as if most people who are answering the age-gap questions are going through the same thing and sharing their experiences. so sorry that this doesn't directtly help..)
In my mind, the exaggeration and over examination of EVERYTHING he does continues: we are each assigned individual books to read every once and a while, and the one he assigned me was apparently one of his top favorites of all time. well guess what it was about? a teacher who seduces her willing student! maybe it's completely ridiculous and off-base of me to think, but it seems like there is a really subtle and well disguised hint in there. is that too far fetched? he's a very lenient teacher as far as accepting profanity etc. so in my report on it I went on and on about how thrilling and exciting the relationship was, and basically condoned it. I was kind of hoping that if he was sending a signal in assigning the book, he would definitely get MY signal back to him in the paper. If that wasn't his intentions at all and this is just a lucky coincidence then he'll probably just think I'm kind horny and/or amoral. Not too far from the truth ;)
This is getting even worse - now when I talk to him I can't even repsond. Today I talked to him and I just stood there like a huge idiot, and I barely responded to anything he said because of everything raging around inside my head and heart. I don't know what to dO!!!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): You are lucky!
Compared to me anyways...I've known my english teacher for 2 years, last year when we would talk in passing and then this year when he was finally my teacher. Before this year he knew me because of family connection with his wife. He is the same age as my dad, in the mid 50's. I am 17. To make matters worse, he is married, has kids who are OLDER than me (one was my substitute teacher for a while) and worst of all his wife works at the same school. Recently, like within the last week I started realizing that my once platonic feelings for this man have developed into complete LUST (i am hesitant to call it love) and he's ALL i can think about. i SHOULDN'T have these kind of feelings - he's not attractive in any way - slightly overweight, huge glasses, kinda looks like oscar wilde....but even more importantly he's MARRIED with kids, as far as i know has a completely healthy and working sense of ethics (ie, i don't have a chance), and of course anything beyond a teacher-student relationship is illegal. i am completely aware of what he would be jeopardizing if anything happened between us but the reasonable part of my mind that says it would be bad is struggling to be heard. Every little thing I play up in my mind and agonize over - the other day he was telling me something and put his hand on my arm - i felt it burn when he moved away. He sat me across from him in class - whenever he looks up it is at me (initially awkward but not anymore :). we have a running joke that he hates me, but when i asked him seriously about this he said i was so "lovable" and although he was probably saying it in jest I just about died.
its AGONY and EXCITING all at the same time - my advice is enjoy it - there could be a lot worse things you could be into, but just don't let it control your life. i know it's easier said than done (i am living proof of that) but you can't cut yourself off and live in this fantasy world where you are with him. it's unhealthy. (see that last paragraph was the reasonable and intelligent part of my mind talking. the one i can't bring myself to listen to. so do as i say not as i do :)
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A
male
reader, solver +, writes (10 May 2008):
It would be better to hand-deliver the letter to make sure no one else reads it. You don't want something like that falling into the wrong hands. Plus, since it's his last day, there'll probably be other well-wishing letters and cards from other students, so yours won't stand out, that is, at least until he reads it.
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A
female
reader, girlbooks +, writes (9 May 2008):
girlbooks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, guys. Maybe I'm not totally in love with him, but I feel like I am. He's all I think about, I've never felt this way before and it's just so confusing and sad because the one person I actually like, I can't have a relationship with. :( I wrote him a letter that I'm going to leave under his door on the last week of school. Is that okay? The letter tells him how I feel, and also compliments him on his teaching. He is so wonderful. I saw him tonight and he was adorable. :(
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A
female
reader, simplyjuliet  +, writes (7 May 2008):
It depends really, (i think) on how severe your feelings are. if you can wait, then i advise you to do so. I used to think hugging a teacher was wrong, but i have been hugged by my ex-teacher MANY times, a countless number, infact i have had many pecks on the cheek and my forehead as well. Is that wrong? I used to think so.Anyhoo, back to you, just admire this relationship/friendship you have for him for now, it doesn't sound like you are quite IN love with him? Maybe you are, i'm not sure. Either way, try and wait until it's the right time to tell him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): Absolutely do not do anything until after you graduate! It's not worth the risk. If you are busted he will not be made redundant but rather be listed as a sex offender and it will ruin his teaching career. A few weeks can make a huge difference. Maybe leave him your number on yours/his last day, that way you'll know for sure he's interested too if he calls!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): If you are that serious about it, wait until after you graduate.
You avoid any and all moral and legal qualms.
Flynn 24
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