A
female
age
41-50,
*Poochie
writes:I have fallen in love with my kids father's brother and we want to be together. We have always been attracted together but we never expressed our mutual attraction for one another til his wife passed away 5 yrs ago and his brother went to prison for 5 years. I had been with my kids father for 14 yrs before this happened 3 yrs ago. I told him about us last year because we had been secretly living together as well and it was just time to get things off our chests. Now that he's been released, there's tension between us all. He think that we are done, but the truth is we want to stay together and get married. My question is should we continue the relationship and go with our hearts or end things forsaking this taboo? The only people who know about this is his side of the family. None of my family members know, but they have questioned our closeness over the years, but I've denied it everytime. Now I'm wanting to get it out in the wind, but fearful of how I'll be treated because of the religious background. So confused on how to handle things because of my kids as well. Please help!!! Thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): I think i am one (of the few) who are against "keeping it in the family". There are so many men out there why do u have to cheat with his brother? Your kids will be lost and will not be able to understand why mummy is in bed with daddys brother.
If your common law hb finds out that u are still sleeping with his brother there will be trouble. Big big trouble.
Make wise choses and make sure that your kids are safe and that they are priority.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, NennaHB  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 I don´t see how either of these relationships could work. There is a reason why you don´t date the best friend of your ex or his brother. And this says a lot about your brother-in-law too, sorry to say.Not to mention the part where your kids will grow up with scars resulting from your decisions based on sex attraction and nothing else.It is your decision what to do. But ask yourself why you haven´t told your family about it? It´s because deep down you know they will disaprove and you already have doubts about this, you don´t need the only people who love you unconditionally putting you against the wall.I think in the long run you will be thankful to have given up both men and keeping a good relationship with your family.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 My main concern would be for the children - it will be very hard for them to come to terms with their uncle being their new step-dad, you will for certain confuse them, and possibly subject them to bullying at school (kids often find these things out). Depending on how old your kids are, it will be very difficult for them to understand that mummy doesnt love daddy any more but she loves their uncle now, but daddy is mad about it.
You cant help who you fall in love with, and it does sound like you make each other very happy - but I dont know whether it will be worth it for the pain you will cause your children. I guess it is up to you to decide what is more important, the relationship or your children's happiness and wellbeing.
Only you can decide what to do next, we cant tell you whether you should continue or end it. To be honest, you shouldnt have started it in the first place, this is your children's uncle and you should have known how wrong it would be both for your kids and their father to start a relationship with a close family member. You have gotten in quite deep and I cant really see how you are going to get out of this mess - the decision has to be yours I'm afraid.
If I were you, I would end it because it is not fair on the kids, and not fair on their father. Regardless of your relationship with the father, he is still the father of your children and deserves respect. Imagine if you had a sister and you found out he wanted to marry your sister, how would that make you feel? You would be horrified and devastated, regardless of how in love they claim to be it would still be very wrong.
I hope this gives you something to think about, you are going to really have to take some time to think about this seriously as if you choose to continue, you are going to open up a huge can of worms and be in for a lot of problems for many years to come. You just have to decide if he is worth all the pain that will ensue because of this relationship.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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