New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login225782 questions, 981681 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

I'm in love with my gay friend, but I'm beginning to wonder if he has feelings for me. He acts like he does.

Tagged as: Forbidden love, Friends, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 July 2008) 16 Answers - (Newest, 13 October 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

my best friend told me he was gay when it was too late and i'd already fallen for him. i'm seriously in love with him, and i have told him exactly the way i feel, it didn't effect our friendship and actually brought us closer together.

he tells me things like how he loves me more than anybody else ever could and how pretty i am and always will be etc. we went on holiday a couple of weeks ago and people thought we were a couple, we were as close as kissing sometimes, and he never seems to mind this.

i was starting to move on and accept the fact that he is gay and there is nothing i can do about that, but lately he's got a hell of a lot closer and he is forever dropping hints about how attractive he thinks i am and how much he loves me.

i can't help but think there could be a chance he is either confused about his sexuality or he's bisexual. he will tell me all these sweet things, and drop these hints and then its as though he gets scared that he's letting something slip and he starts to talk about men again. i'm just so confused about it all!

View related questions: best friend, kissing, move on, on holiday

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, Lonelygirlhelplesslyinlove United States +, writes (13 October 2011):

I too am in love with my gay best friend. We have been really close friends for over a year. It was an instant connection when we met. We spent a lot of time together. So much that people were starting to talk. Although at first we were just friends hanging out. We always flirted off & on. I never thought twice about it. Then one day I saw him differently. I started to fall in love with him. I told him & he got all defensive & almost bit my head off about him not having the same feelings for me. Months later, he text me saying he wanted to have sex with me & he has thought about it for some time. I to had been about him as well. We made out 3 times on my birthday. It was no friendly kiss. It was very passionate & it took me by surprise. We have made out a few more times since then. The last time we made out was the most passionate kiss ever. I know he is curious because he has never been with a girl & I am his best friend & we are already close. It is just confusing to me because he won't talk to me about it or even admit something is going on. He makes me feel the most wonderful feeling that no one else has ever made me feel. We have really wonderful chemistry & I would do anything to be with him. I see the way he looks at me. Especially when we are alone. We have something & it's more than friendship. I think he is just too scared to say anything. He always changes the subject or doesn't say anything when I try to talk to him about it. I won't press the subject with him anymore. He said that he is going along with whatever is going on between us. So he can't say nothing is going on because something obviously is. We kiss almost every time we see each other. He has kissed one other girl besides me but that is as far as he's gone. I'm just really confused. I keep thinking he is just curious & wants to find out what it's like being with a woman, which is what he's told me. But his body language says different. The way we kiss, hug, talk, look at each other....it's more than friendship. It feels right when we kiss. Our friendship is still going strong & in fact we are closer than ever so I have no gut feelings that our friendship is gonna be messed up by all of this. But then again I guess only time will tell.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, janejones Argentina +, writes (13 September 2010):

i know i know i know exactly how you feel. i used to think my best friend had feelings for me to, and that he was just confused but after hours of reading hundreds of girls in the same situation i'm starting to feel diferently ( even though this revelation won't last long, and i'll fall all over him the second he calls me again). i think there's just something about gay guys and their best girl friend.maybe it will allways be just platonic. in my case i know he loves the way i look at him, and the way we act together and how he can express the way he loves me without any kind of problem, i could even say he can't get steady with any guy because they'll never have the kind of connection we have. but stillllllll stillll it's just men he likes. i just ( and i bet you can't either)understand how he can love me so much and still repress that side of him. because deep down he knows whatt he feels for me it's real, but he will never admit it to himself. i once made out with my friend and the next day he said: i was so drunk i would have made out with myy sisterr ass well!. just like your guy he constantly avoids facing all those things he does that make me confused. my friend hugs me all the time and kisses me and tells me i don't love him as much as he does. he loves it when i get jealous and he hates to see me with other man, buteven though i know i could make out with him if i tried, that still wouldn't make him realise what he feels is real or enough. i'm honestly crazy. does he like me like me? i don't want to admit i'm just like those many other girls trapped in this sort of relationships. am i? or is my relationship different? i know he's a gay guy in love with me, and i don't know how to get over my best friend.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, robynia96 United Kingdom +, writes (17 July 2010):

i feel the same, im 13 and met my gay bestfriend in december, then in january he asked me out and i was ecstatic because i was totally in love with him, then he told me he was confused about his sexuality whilst we were going out and came ou tto me like a month later, we have been so close since and he loves me more then anyone and often tells me, he tells me how beautiful i am, he is incredibly jealous if i have any other boy interests now, he tells me how beautiful i am and allways compliments me and holds my hand, and he kisses me and acts in sexual ways towards me , (gropes me :L) and he acts like a boyfriend to me, but yet i have the same question cos he talks about a boy at school he fancies andd what men he finds attractiveee. meh!! xx

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, lovehurts2010 United States +, writes (18 February 2010):

I feel your pain! Im in love with my gay best friend as well and he just recently dropped a bomb on me...He asked me to marry him.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, girlface Lithuania +, writes (31 December 2009):

Glad to see I'm not alone. I've had the same "gay" best friend since 5th grade. Every couple of months he tells me he's in love with me and will never want anyone else. A week later he'll freak out and pretend he never said anything.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009):

oh god!! i am in the exact situation!! he is honestly the nicest guy to me ever, all my friends think were a couple, and they always are like "you guys should date, you practicly are!" but hes gay and i cant tell anyone!!! he calls me baby, and honey, and tells me he loves me so much all the time. he always offers to do things for me, and asks me on "dates" and i know he knows im falling for him... hes my best friend... and hes gay. or so he says. i really dont know either but my god its nice to know people are in the same situation. id say just play it cool, thats what im doing, he might be slightly attracted to you, and if he is, he is. hes probably a little confused. hang tight and best of luck to you!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008):

Here's my theory...a Man is a Man. If he's had a gay experience (misplaced feelings, touching and got aroused) then he thinks I"M GAY. Well, it's not that simple. I think 'gay' guys have no inhibitions to give a girl love, because they don't care if they are rejected, they think they're gay. But deep down they are 'showing' a deep attraction to women. Funny how your friend got jealous when you decided to move on. I think sometime in his life, he will come to terms with this, and question his choices and feelings for you.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008):

OMGA! I love you...seriously...This is the same EXACT thing that's happening to meeeee!!! I could cry right now...out of happiness that I found someone whose going through this too. He does the same stuff, literally, it's like wtf? Do you like me or not? And THEN! Omga, he'll get scared too! If something very intimate happens between us, he automatically does something to prove that he's as gay as he can be!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008):

honey, we gay men love our girls...but that doesn't mean we are IN LOVE with them. What you two have is something special, but you need to set the boundary and accept the fact that he is gay and possibly still trying to come to terms with that. It may be hard to hear, but you are setting yourself up for disaster and if you really value your friendship with him, then you need to have a serious discussion with him and let him know what your needs are and what you are looking for in a relationship with him. I wish you all the best...we all deserve to have a perfect love

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks for all your help :)

i decided in the end after i spoke to him, that the best thing will be to move on. its not worth getting any more hurt or losing the friendship over it. i've actually found somebody else who i'm really interested in, and the funny thing is my friend seems really jealous about it and he keeps trying to make sure i don't meet this guy and he's constantly trying to tell me how it wont work out. But i have learnt to just ignore him, its getting a lot better now.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Skweek United States +, writes (2 August 2008):

Skweek agony auntJust because he's gay doesn't mean he won't react to you differently, he still has hormones, my super duper gay friend would always flirt with me and hug me in really suggestive ways, but he was still amazingly gay haha, i love that kid to death

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008):

Try to convince him that he is not gay, or that he can change. Check out PFOX Parents and Friends Of Ex-Gays and Lesbians.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008):

hmmmm

if he is acting like that and you know he is def flirting with you ( a girl just knows) then he MUST like you

it sounds to me like he is scared to admit it to himself for whatever reason. he cant keep treating you like this.

Distance yourself from him for a while.. give him time to think about things- you really are worth it and at the end of the day he knows where you are and can easily contact you!

Hope things work out for you two :D xx

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

he told me last night that he is gay and that nothing will ever happen between us, after spending the entire day doing nothing but dropping hints that he wanted something more. i just dont understand it, its not like he even just acts like a friend and i've got the wrong end of the stick, because friends dont get as close as we do. he was constantly doing things like putting his head against mine, moving my hands so they'd be on him and other things, he also said im all he needs in the world to make him happy, then he goes and says that hes gay and nothing will happen and he wonders why i get confused?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008):

Hey!

I honestly know how you feel huni.

I am in the exact same situation with one of my best guy friends. I have really fallen for him- we were always best friends but I never fancied him before until this Summer- I feel like we have this connection that I can't even explain. I know he is my soulmate.. he is bisexual tho, he was gay before but realised that he fancies women too :)

maybe your guys the same!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008):

Just be a "Straigh Shooter," and ask him what his intentions are...If he loves you and none else, then what do you have to loose. But he loves other men, atleast you know the truth, and you can move on...It is better to know now, that 10 years from now, and you have wasted you life and love on a man who can not commit. Let us know the turn out Sweet Pea!!!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "I'm in love with my gay friend, but I'm beginning to wonder if he has feelings for me. He acts like he does."

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.046875!