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I'm in love with my 'friend with benefits' and its killing me

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 January 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 20 April 2009)
A female Australia age 18-21, anonymous writes:

a year ago while i had a boyfriend i hooked up with this guy he happened to be my friends ex boyfriend and one of my other friends had a crush on him and all of the parents in our area knew about it so for these reasons the affair ended. but by this point we both liked each other. we didnt see each other for about 9 months and in those 9 months everything wernt back to normal and me and my 2 other girlfriends got over it and him. however 9 months later we were at the same party and we didnt hook up but we flirted heaps. then a month later my friend that liked him invited me on a holiday with her and her family friend. her family friend is best friends with him so there i was stuck on holidays with him for a week but before the holiday we were asked not to do hook up during the holiday so we only flirted. a month after this things became more complicated when our affair started again. our friends know about it and accept it and dont mind. he is a real player and so am i and i know he doesnt like having a girlfriend and i dont like having a boyfriend but i have fallen madly deeply in love with him he doesnt think that i want a boyfriend and i really dont know if he likes me back because he always uses girls. this makes me feel so sad and when were together i always get really drunk or stoned because im hurting so much because i really love him but hes such a player that i dont know if he likes me or just wants me for sex. he does still come back to me even if we have a period of not seeing each other or a bad root or something like that but i just dont know what to do how can you tame your player friend with benfits who doesnt want a girlfriend and thinks you dont want a boyfriend and how do i tell him how i feel! help im feeling worse and worse every day without him

View related questions: affair, best friend, crush, drunk, flirt, on holiday, period, player

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A female reader, bootyboot United States +, writes (20 April 2009):

i'm going through a similar deal, and it is really wretched. i really like to be around my FWB, i don't think it's love but i think about him constantly and i'm so sad when he's away.

it is just awful, i've lost 10 lbs from stress since i started this with him, and i want to cut it off but i can't! i wish i could give you advice and say ditch him and find another, but i know how hard that is to do. it's that thought in the back of your mind that he might come around and want you afterall. i know it's futile in my case, but i can't let go.

i guess it's just part of life and a learning experience..that's all i can say.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008):

I will be straight honost with you. Usually friends that are just friends with benifits never turn out good. I was in a similar situation with a guy who was the same way. He was one of my best friends. We started off as hook ups and then we became good friends spending alot of time together and stuff. But the minute I would mention boyfriend or relationship or even dating he freaked out and always made it perfectly clear he did not want a girl friend. I told him about how I felt and it ended in even mor heartache. o to be honost with you, if I where you I would do one of two things, one tell him how you feel and if he does not feel the same way then leave him and forget about him because it will end up hurting you worse in the end. Or my second would be to play the game right back. Dont be at his beckon call, say no to hanging out sometimes, dont always answer your phone. It worked for my friend very well because if he cares about you he will start asking you what your doing and why you cant hang out making him want you more. Its a fact.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (20 January 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntNothing is forever and some day he will get tired of those lifestyles. He may find someone he loved very much and then settle down.

When you are in love, you let your guards down and be prepared to be hurt.If you do not tell him , he will never know your feelings.Man are not known as a mind reader.They cannot read your hints .

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008):

As long as you guys are friends with benefits that is all you are going to be for him! he will most likely not love you like you do to him because he comes and goes when ever he wants and he is getting from you what he wants with out any attachment. their was this guy that i liked and he said that he liked me too but it was all a lie all he wanted was to be my friend with benefits. As soon as i said no i don't want to be that he forgot all about me. if he is a player and is getting what he wants he won't have real feelings for you. but i hope i am wrong and hope he does have feelings for you so both of you could be happy.

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A female reader, Devilish Angel United States +, writes (20 January 2008):

Devilish Angel agony auntYou really are in trouble. Indicate slyly that you would like a man. Indicate that you feel for him. Have an honest conversation with him and ask him how he feels about you. If he doesn't love you and can't settle down, then you need to stop being with him. It's only killing you to be with him and love without getting love in return. Take some time alone to find yourself again and find some peace.

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A female reader, robynnex United Kingdom +, writes (19 January 2008):

robynnex agony auntIm going threw the same feelings as you. But he's like in my group of friends.

Getting drunk and being out our faces isnt going to help us . I dont feel any better when im drunk do you ?.

I think you should really speak to him love. its the only thing you can do

i think he does like you otherwise he wouldnt keep coming back.

speak to him about it tell him how you feel or you'll spend years think what if i told him ?.x

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