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Im in love with my friend and dont know what to do!!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 March 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 24 March 2007)
A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have fallen in love with my friend, and things have been gettting really difficult for me. He doesnt know how i feel at all. I sometimes think he has feelings for me to coz of the way he is with me (we have a close friendship). We dont have any mutual friends, its just us. We have "tried" to meet, but it doesnt happen.

some background info may also help. when we met it was at work, i didnt work there long. but we stayed in contact. the reason being cos he asked me out, and we arranged to meet. but that didnt happen, but nonetheless, our friendship got closer and we feel really comfortable with each other. he has said to me he would like me to meet him soon and fed up with us not meeting once its arranged.

I dont know what to do. Its making me feel really depressed and at times I get upset about it. I think I need to fall out of love with him, but I dont know how to without cutting him out my life completely, which something i wouldnt even consider.

But i feel that i am not able to move on. even writing this, is making me feel upset.

I have noticed, it took me ages to realise this, when we do arrange to meet, and I have told someone (my other friends) i feel like we are jinxed, coz we dont end up meeting at all. there have been times when we have met and i aint told anyone (these werent dates, they were just a chat, coz both were in area at time - last about 30mins).

when we do talk, he cant make eye contact with me for too long. and i sometimes feel he wants to say something to me, but he is not. we both have never been in a relationship before.

when he wants me to know things, he contacts me straight away. he recently got a new job, and he told me as soon as he found out. i didnt know i was aprt from his family the only person to know, coz a few weeks later he told everyone else, once he received his confirmation letter, and told me what they all tought about it.

I really feel like his the one. And i know that my family would like him too and approve. But thats a long way off i know, esp when i dont know how he feels.

we were supposed to meet today in fact. But when he asked me, we didnt arrange a time or a place. In fact he asked to meet me on weds but i didnt want i wanted to meet on fri (today). maybe, his playing games with me i dont kno. next time he asks me, shall i just agree to meet him on the day he says, or we'll never meet?

I dont want to lose him. Someone recently said to me that with you dont go out and socialise with your friends you lose them, and im scared im gona lose him. i dont want that all, even if we just were friends and nothing else. I dont want to stop caring for him completely, just stop feeling like im infatuated with him. its like i losing half of my self. i think about him all the time.

recently we aint spoken to each other and i have been having this dreams about him. the first one was we were talking on msn, and he said to me "even though we are not dating, i miss you soo much". the second nite, we got engaged. the third nite, we had a baby. and then for few days i didnt dream about him, until the nite he aksed me out (tues) when he told me he loved me. i have no idea what these mean.

and there is something else, i dont know if this is just coincidence, but what i want to name daughter is also what he wants to name his.

please help me...

View related questions: at work, depressed, engaged, move on, msn

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A female reader, Cateyes United States +, writes (24 March 2007):

Cateyes agony auntUnless I am misunderstanding, it seems as though you two have not even met up much at all. I have always been told and I am sure you have heard it...if it was meant to be, it will be. It seems you two do alot of talking by phone. There's nothing wrong with that, but if he wants to REALLY see you, he WILL make the time and effort to meet up with you and make it happen. He will miss you that's why. To me, a phone call just doesn't cut it and hardly any going out. I am not saying to not talk or eventually go out with him, but what I am saying is for you to go out and meet other people or socialize with your other friends. You are letting him really get to you, and don't think I don't understand that, I do! But you really need to move on...and if he is the one...the REAL one, you will know. Give it time! Right now, I just see you two as friends and I know you want it to become more. Let IT develop and not you make it develop...if he wants you, he will coming looking for you AND make sure he see's you because he misses you...LOTS! I do wish you the best!!

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A male reader, Thomas17 Singapore +, writes (23 March 2007):

Thomas17 agony aunthmm, jinx? maybe, maybe not. it happens to me most of the time as well. you dont exactly have to "arrange" to meet. if you know where he is, why not give him a suprise visit? even if its 15 minutes or less, you are still MEETING with him arent you? and thats still keeping in close contact, e.g. socialising right? and maybe he isnt talking much to you is because he might be busy with his own work, and may be one of the factors why your arranged outings are cancelled time and again.. this is my two cents, hope it helps, good luck

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