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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm in love with my boyfriend's brother. His brother has told me time and time again that he feels the same way. I am not happy with my boyfriend and really don't know what to do. I need to find out whether his brother is stringing me along or if his feelings are true, but I don't know how. I would end my relationship with my boyfriend if I knew his brother wants me the same way that I want him. Someone please help me - I know it's dangerous ground to walk on but I can't help the way I feel. Please help. Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): I found it strange that Im in love My ex-boyfriends brother. I got to be tripping right? All I do is think about him all day every day! this can't be good.Some shit is about to go down if I spill about the way I fell!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): i went out with my bfs brother for a little while when i was 16, was just an innocent childhood thing but now I am scared 11 years later that when i see him again my feelings for him will be back and i dont want that to happen cuz i love my bf a lot.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): i am relieved (like so many of the other readers) that i am not alone in going through this. I dream about him all the time, and during the day sometimes I cant stop thinking about him. but i wont ever do anything about it(make a move) because that would be a b*tch move and I wouldnt want to hurt his (brother's) wife or my bf, because I love both of them very much too...but not in the same way as I feel about his brother. I am just going to never say anything and continue my relationship w/my bf because it is a good one. i just wish i could be with his brother and not have to worry aobut any consequences...but oh well THAT'S LIFE!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): I am confused , I like him, My boyfriends brother, but it cant be right...cant it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): I am kind of going through the same thing. I broke up with my boyfriend for other reasons( i felt like i fell out of love with him) He is 21 and I'm 18. We have become great friends and i feel like some of my emotions are returning for him like i will want to be his boyfriend and kiss and be involved. but I now have a crush on his younger brother who is 16. I think i am going crazy, he is so immature but those feeling i can't turn off. i will not act upon those thoughts but it is hard to be true friends with my ex when i have a crush on his younger brother
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): I'm sooo happy to Know im not alone in this world feeling the same. I'v been with my bf for 8 yrs now we have a baby girl who is two yrs, we lived 2gehter for 2yrs and everthing went down hill and i start to fall out of luv with him. I don't know how it happen but i start to fall in luv with his younger borther and he feels the same way for me. My bf got locked up for 5 months and me and his brother start seeing each other he really luv me when my bf came out of jail we both told him how we feel for each other and that we have had sex behind his back more then once in that we are really in a relatinship my ex bf told me he forgives and still wants to be with me and his brother is waiting on me so now i'm so confuse i want to be with his brither but i just know ppl wont approve it BUT WE LUV EACH OTHER SOOO MUCH i just didnt expect my ex bf to still want to be with me............I can tell you guys that its better to speak the truth you will feel alot better they are still great bothers there friendship hasnt change my ex bf told his lil bro to make me happy because he couldnt did it my ex also told me if i date his bro and it doesnt work out he will be waiting for me :O) NEVER THOUGHT THEY WOULD BOTH BE IN LUV WITH ME I WANT MY EX TO HATE ME FOR IT AND IT TRUNED OUT DIFFERNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): i'm in the same situation,i've been having an affair with my mans older brother for 11yr, i'm 29 & he is 39 now.
he stays in a different country, & both our partners are aware we really like each other, i know he loves me, & he is always arguing with his wife wen he visits on holiday, he has always said he wishes we had met first, we just connect & match each other so well, i am well aware how dangerous it is to get involved in a situation like this, but u cant help who u fall in love with, i really wish it had never started, & i know we will get caught sooner or later, it's just a matter of time
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2007): hi, i'm in a similar situation. i met my bf first, and when we first met, i thought i'd marry him because he's such a stable, nice, sweet guy and all - he's got everything you'd want in a potential spouse. but i think i'm falling in love with my boyfriend's younger brother. and i think his brother has feelings for me too. but, both of us didn't act upon them because my bf meant a lot to us, i guess we want to protect my bf... and both my bf's bro and i, are people who cherish family relations a lot. we tried distancing ourselves from each other. but, somehow feelings grow, and the emotions come back when we see each other.the reason why this happens is because my bf's bro and i connected on a deeper level than i did with my bf. what started out as innocent conversations soon turned into long and intimate sharing sessions. i guess we cherish this connection we have, and enjoys each other's company.up till now, we've treated each other only as family/friends, and has not crossed the line. i've never felt as torn before.. i love my bf and do not want him to be hurt.. yet, that connection with his brother, and those feelings i have for him, cannot be denied... and who knows what will happen between us should these feelings develop into something more. i thought of leaving both of them before. but that would also mean leaving two of the ones i loved the most. and two of my best-est friends...
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reader, diamondcitygyrl  +, writes (18 December 2007):
Wow...I'm in a similar sitution. I'm in love with my baby's father's brother. Me and my baby's daddy were never in a serious relationship. And I don't think that he wants anything to do with me on that level anyway. Me and his brother are currently in a serious relationship and we love each other very much. But it's a secret because we know his mother will never approve. We've been through a lot of stuff, I'm in love with him and I really think we're destined to be together.
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reader, diamondcitygyrl +, writes (18 December 2007):
Wow...I'm in a similar sitution. I's in love with my baby's father's brother. Me and my baby daddy was never in a serious relationship. And I don't think that he wants anything to do with me on that level anyway. Me and his brother are currently in a serious relationship and we love each other very much. But it's a secret because we know his mother will never approve. We've been through a lot of stuff, I'm in love with him and I really think we're destined to be together.
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reader, soulmate +, writes (28 September 2007):
Ladies, Im so happy I came across this site. Its good to know that Im not the only one going through this. The feelings that Im feeling are very deep like no other. Ive been with my boyfriend for about 7 years now and I knew that I ddint want to be with him a lifetime shortly after we meet I would say about a year I met his brother the first time we meet I noticed that he would just stare at me then it was kind of uncomfortable. The second time we meet it was like magic hit me we glanced into each others eyes and I felt this awesome feeling like love but morew intense it hit me so hard that I felt embarressed and had to quickly look away ever since then he has been on my mind. Everytime that Im around him the chemistry is sooooo right everything feels so right its like I know that we are made for each other. Although we never talked about our feeling with each other its like we just know I know that he can feel what Im feeling and he wants to be with me just as much as I want to be with him. Its just that my boyfriend is in the way I dont want to hurt him and he doesnt either.I really truly feel that he is my soulmate Its like I can feel him and vibe with him from miles away we exchange energy all of the time. Its a wonderful feeling even though we havent spoken about our feelings for each other when im in a room with him there may be other women in the room with us its like his focus is on me I can feel and also at time see him looking at me. Which gives me a nice feeling. The only thing that is keeping us from each other is my boyfriend. And our relationship is so messed up right now. It hurts me being with him. especially knowing that my soulmate, my lover, my lifetime partner, my other half, the father of my children, my husband is waiting on me. In some cases ladies it could be a crush in other cases it may be a sign from God letting you know that you are with your destiny. Dont worry about what society says about your situation. Just love each other with all your hearts, minds, and souls. Everything happens for a reason feelings happen for a reason maybe its to teach you a lesson who knows. But follow your heart. I know that soon Im going to be with my baby and were going to live happily ever after.
SOul MaTE
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): Hey. Well I have been dating my boyfriend for 7 months now and he's asked me to marry him and everything. But he has an older brother who I happen to find deviously sttractive. But my maturity comes in realizing that he's someone i could never date. It's more of a sexual attraction. I talk to him a lot and we joke around all the time. we hit it off really well, but i also feel a little bit of tension when i'm around it.
my solace comes in knowing that i'll get over it one day..it's just a crush and ill look back and see how silly it was. Plus i know i would be so hurt if the same thing were happening to me. therefore i'd never indulge this to my bf.
i love my boyfriend so much and things are quite perfect. I have no reason or silly desire to mess things up.
but im not gonna lie. if things go terribly wrong and become irrepairable and we break up, his brother is the first person i would probably go after in secret.
LOL ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2007): I am in the same situation. except the guy is not really my boyfriend, we're not serious, we just have fun. and I liked his brother first.
I'm glad I came here and found out that there are other girls in similar situations.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2007): hi, i know exactly how you feel. I am in love with my boyfriends brother and i do not love my boyfriend so much. I would do anything to be able to be with his brother without hurting my boyfriend. I have no idea what to do either, but at least you know this isn't as horribly uncommon as you think, and i think i am relieved reading these other responses.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): I am also atracted to my boyfriend's brother and wish I wasn't!!! I know he feels the same way. I am happy with my partner though but sometimes think what it cud be like help!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2006): It's natural for people to get bored after a while, especially in relationships. So it's a normal thing to become attracted with someone new or someone mysterious, like his brother. Then, when we get attracted with someone, we often imagine what it is like to be with that person, or what he would be like as a boyfriend. We'd attribute traits or habits to this person. For example, if this guy I'm attracted to knows how to play a guitar, I would often fantasize that he'd play for me. Or that when he becomes my boyfriend he'll give me roses and chocolates, or that he'd share my passion for art, or that he'll be very sensitive to my needs. There is really nothing wrong with fantasizing about a guy you're attracted to, but very often it only makes you see the person in the way you want to see him. In philosophical terms, you're objectifying the person.I've been with my boyfriend for a little less than three years now, and I still keep learning new things about his personality. So what's the point in all this? If you're attracted to your boyfriend's brother, it's probably because they have a similar genetic make-up and upbringing, plus the "traits and characteristics" you have attributed to him. I've been having the same problem since september of last year and I really did a lot of thinking. I was starting to become attracted with my boyfriend's brother who was showing signs that he liked me too. I love my boyfriend a lot so I didn't do anything. After all how sure am I about his brother's character? Besides if I break up with my boyfriend and started going out with his brother, what kind of man would that make my boyfriend's brother? Would he go out with the girl who dumped his brother for him? (Even if my relationship with my boyfriend is not doing well I still would not go for his brother, because it would cause serious damage to their family.) I would say that you have no business in trying to find out what his brother feels for you. If you want to go out of the relationship, then do so, but do not let your decision be dependent on his brother's feelings for you. If you feel that your relationship won't work because you can never be truly happy, then go out, but you have to remember that in being true to your feelings you also have the responsibility to be FAIR to both men.There are more things to relationships than emotions. If relationships are all about emotions, then they are nothing but disposable instruments for the gratification of one's desire of the moment. Love is not just an emotion, it is also an act of will :0)
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reader, Mo_molly +, writes (6 December 2005):
I'm in the same situation, except I wouldn't say that I'm as unhappy with my boyfriend as you are. I think our situation is quite common, look at the other readers’ responses. You may find (I know I do) that when things aren't going right in a relationship, you start looking for potential beaux and get caught up in infatuations. Boyfriend’s brothers (and friends) are common for emotional outlets where we can daydream about them without feeling tremendously guilty... because, hey at least they’re not some random guy! And also if we love, or loved, our boyfriend, their brother will probably have similar qualities or values that we admire in him. It can be very easy to get caught up in a boyfriend’s brother, since they do share 50% of their genetic makeup and most likely had a similar upbringing. It sounds to me that you’re pretty sure that things are over with your boyfriend. It would be wrong of you to pursue his brother behind his back. I understand that you don’t want to be left single and rejected by both brothers, but you should break up with your current boyfriend. The next step would be to inform ‘the brother’ of your feelings and that you have ended things with your boyfriend. Let him know that you are interested in seeing him on a more serious level, but you understand that, like you said, you’re walking on dangerous ground. Let him know that you’re willing to wait until emotions have calmed down before trying to give it a go... given that the brother is interested. Hopefully over time your ex will act mature and wont try to sabotage your relationship too much. Best of luck, it’s a sticky situation but plenty of others have been in your place.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2005): Wow... I am in the same situation totally. I met my bf and his brother at the same time and while I love my bf, I just don't feel like he's the one for me yet his brother has become my best friend and I'm so falling for him.
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reader, missbunbury  +, writes (11 November 2005):
 You're not being very fair on either of these men. You say "I am not happy with my boyfriend" - if this is the case, then why haven't you already finished things with him? It sounds as if you're reluctant to be single, and you only want to break up with your man if you have another one lined up ready to go. Why is this? I sense some insecurity here.
The thing is, if you do go straight from one brother to another, it's going to have a lot of consequences, some of whih will probably affect innocent people. How do you think your current boyfriend would feel if you started showing up at family events with the other brother? How do you think their parents would feel if they were caught between their arguing sons? And how do you think your new man would feel if he gave up his fmaily to be with you, only to find himself alone when you decide there's someone else you need to be with? And let's not beat around the bush, that probably is what would happen, because at the moment you don't seem mature enough to have a proper relationship.
I'll be honest, I doubt that your feelings for this man's brother are really love - it's more likely that you've been looking around because you're not happy with what you've got, and you've fixated on someone who provides a 'forbidden love' thrill, so that you've got something to think about other than the real issue, which is that you need to end things with your current boyfriend.
My advice to you is to finish this relationship, and then have no further contact with either brother for at least six months. In the meantime, don't get embroiled in anything else, just enjoy being single and learn to like yourself a bit more. If you still have these feelings for the other man after this time, you could try dating him without getting the rest of the family involved. This will have two positive effects - first you'll be able to get to know each other without causing huge family rows, and secondly it'll let you find out whether it's really him as a person that you like, or just the fact that he's 'exciting' because he's your boyfriend's brother.
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reader, Belle +, writes (11 November 2005):
His brother might or might not be stringing you along.
The important thing is that you're not in love with your boyfriend, and won't be if you stay with him
At least if you break up with your boyfriend you have a chance with his brother!! and it sounds like quite a good chance - go for the brother! I did it and never regretted it!!
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reader, sexseahot +, writes (11 November 2005):
 Well first off, if you're not happy with your relationship that you are in now, get rid of your boyfriend and then start worrying about his brother. Maybe his brother knows that his feelings are wrong and don't want to act upon this knowing that you're his brother's girlfriend.
You are right, this is very dangerous ground to be walking on. I think maybe you should get rid of your boyfriend and then find out about his brother. You want to know if his brother is stringing you along, but you're stringing your boyfriend along. Does that bother you? It's not exactly fair to your boyfriend for you to be worrying about if his brother is stringing you along and you caring about how his brother is feeling about you. You're kinda be selfish here and you're not really doing anything to help out any situation, but hurting your boyfriend, which isn't right either. Just let him go and let him move on with his life as well with yourself with yours. You both have a right to be happy, and if not together, then seperately, then you can go for his brother and see how he really feels, but you should probably take it really slow because of your boyfriend's feelings. Be careful on what you're doing, don't get in between these two brothers, then nobody really wins the situation.
Good Luck! Hopefully you make some good choices and become a bit happier.
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reader, xxxSXCxxxAMYxxx +, writes (11 November 2005):
i reckon that if you told his brother how you feel, then maybe he will tell your bf and then you will lose them both!!! i'm not saying you have to take my advice but i've learnt the hard way!!!! and i wasnt nice!!!!
so i would keep it a secret for a while until he gives you signals that he wants you too, and that he feels the same way!!!!
good luck hunni
~amy~
xxxxx
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