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I'm in love with my best friend, but don't want to say anything in case it negatively impacts our friendship!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 June 2007) 26 Answers - (Newest, 2 January 2011)
A male Pakistan age 30-35, *estroyed111 writes:

i am in love with my bestfriend what should i do ??

well its been more then a year i know this girl she is my bestfriend now and i feel that i am in love with this girl the problem is that i just cant tell her that i love her because i dont wanna end this relation if she doesnt love me and on the other hand she is very shy to tell me that she is in love with me if she is and she is also a pessimest (a negative thinker) and she hardly shows what she feels and she is silent kinda person i am the one who is talking all the time so its difficult for me to know what feelings she has for me i would never hurt her i would never we talk through text messages the whole day and sometimes internet chat i just cant live without her she is on my mind 24 hours a day i just keep thinking about her .. so pleaseeee someone help me how to know if she loves me and what should i do ???

View related questions: best friend, shy, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011):

Okay firstly, I'm a girl. And secondly, I know what you're going through. Last year I became really good friends with this guy (let's call him Bob) who I got to know because he was with my best friend (we'll call her Mary). However they have since broken up & I'm really good friends with Bob now but not so much with Mary. I think she may have stopped talking to me because I'm friends with Bob. So I've recently discovered I'm kinda in love with Bob, like, my heart starts to beat really fast when he's around or if he texts me, & I think about him constantly. However, I kind of know that he doesn't like me that way so I'm not going to say anything to him. And if I had to lose a friend to stay friends with him, I'd rather not open my mouth & lose him too, know what I'm saying? That's just my take anyway, do what you want :) x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010):

I'm in the exact same situation.

I'm in love with my best friend.I told her, and at first it was a little awkward, but we got past it, even though she said she didn't feel the same way.

I thought I was over her. Until I saw her with another guy. It hurt bad. And she realised, and asked what was wrong. So her told her again.

It may not have come to anything, but I feel better for having told her. If she's truly your best friend, it won't freak her out.

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A female reader, helpmexx!! United Kingdom +, writes (8 March 2010):

okie hi this is hard for me to say my best friend is a girl and im a girl we kissed the other night and it was nice she stayed at mines that night and spoke the whole night now were back at school and its hard to see her adn speek to her im really strugling and dono what to do i really like her but she is bisexual and she likes someone else i think i might be bi to i dont know pleaseeeeeee help me i love her so much but dont have the guts to say that to her face ? helpmexx!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010):

I, too, am in love with my best friend. Believe me, it's really hard to hide the feelings. Especially when I see him flirting with the person he likes. It always gives me a feeling of "How I wish I was her." :(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010):

I have the same problem.I love my best friend but its different to your story.He is also my step cousin. Please dont judge i just want help.We see each other alot and when im not with him i miss him so much.Should i tell him that i have feelings for him?I dont want to ruin our friendship.Please help

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010):

Well What you should do is even if she is silent you have to do something about it. You'll never know unless you try you know?

I'm only 15 but i too am in love with my best friend. And i told him the truth and i realized he feels the same way about me too. Nothing is really hard in life. You have to take chances .

You can tell her on msn that you love her or it can be even better if you say it in front of her. Because when you tell her that you love her she HAS to give you an answer because she would never walk away from her best friend this way. I'm a girl i know what people usually do. So the only advice is that you have to go and tell her :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010):

I am in the same situation I think that

you should right him a letter and tell

him this ""Imagine if you wanted to

tell me something but if you did it my

ruin our friendship well it's 1000 times

worst for me"" then see what he writes

back to you...... HOPE IT HELPS

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A male reader, wcarey19 United States +, writes (21 October 2009):

i am in the same situation as like everybody here and man i tell you it sucks!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009):

trust me from personal experience its best to tell them otherwise you end up hating yourself even if they dont have the same feelings nothing bad will happen if they are really your friend this happened to me and we still close friends only differance is she knows i would do anything to make sure no one upsets her though this has nearly got me kicked out of college on several occasions for arguing with her possesive ex whom im getting close to hitting for constantly upsetting her

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009):

I have the same problem I love my bestfriend. I have not stop thinking about her she is driving my mad. And when she Was about to go she hugged me and I hugged her back (this is odd for me coz I do not like to touch other and if hugged normle I stand there rigged but with her it was fine).

I was just to scared to ack her out now she is with an other person I each time I see her it brakes my heart. I did buck up the courage and ask her out but she stud there and told me that she dose not love me riping out my heart and leaving me

But went other see me and her togethere that think that we are going out but she all ways quickly repley saying that we are not going out.

All I can say is to ask her out then you are put the way you feel out there and if she says no you can sill be her friend and but as flerty as you want becose she might change her mine.

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A female reader, i.shadows4920 United States +, writes (12 April 2009):

Wow, looks like there's a lot of us out there with the same situation ^^

I dont even know if you're still in the same situation since this post was so long ago, but I'll reply anyways.

I, of course, am in the same situation as well. I met my best guy friend about a year and a half ago when he moved here. We had so much in common that we just hit it off and we talked everyday, texted each other and hung out. He's definitely someone I can call my best friend. I was denying my crush on him for a while and finally accepted that I liked him more than a friend the beginning of this year.

Thing is...I'm scared to tell him too. I dont know how he'd react to it, and everyone says that we would be such a great couple and some even ask if we're together, but I have a feeling he doesnt like me like that. I really want to tell him, but I dont want to ruin our friendship...

Lately things have been chaotic in both our lives and we will only talk to each other at school and maybe sometimes after school, hang out when we have the time and all that and during those times it feels like we're growing apart, but then when we do hang out, its like we're back to our normal selves all over again! Its so confusing and its really painful just thinking about things, like what would happen if I told him, if he even likes me, are we still going to be close after I move 50 miles away for college...

It's extremely hard and I know what you're going through(or were xD).

Right now I'm seriously considering telling him.

I just hope it goes well...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009):

Hey!... I know exactly what ur going thru!... Except Im the girl on the other end!... Everyone tells me my bestfriend loves me but he wont tell me himself!... Im waiting on him to come to me first... If he would take the chance to tell me he would find out that I too love him... So I say go for it!... Even if she doesnt feel the same way she will always be ur best friend!

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A male reader, seanjn United States +, writes (6 December 2008):

dont say you love her, it might be to much for her to hear all at once. has there ever been a time where u could have made a move?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008):

oh my god, like you all, im in love with my bestfriend.... my sleeping hours have been dramaticaly reduced because i cant stop thinking about him, and its driving me crazy!! i cry coz i love him soo much and he doesnt even know what hes doing to me. i think he feels the same way because when ever where near each other we constantly have to have a physical connection. ppl have asked me "if he asked you out would you say yes?", and other ppl have said we look like we're together, i didnt know what to say, i was just so flattered that some body other than me saw us the way i want to be. i love him so much hes the person i live for but id die for him if i hav too

but too all you who have the same problem, i say tell them, because if they are your bestfriend they will understand. i just hope i work up the courge to tell him i love him without bursting into tears......3

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008):

i have the same problem--

Ive been in love with this girl for as long as i knew how to love. I've known her for almost 8 years and I'm 13. we call one another our best friend, and i think she likes me the same way i like her but is afraid to ruin our relationship. I cant get the nerve to tell her how i feel but my heart is calling for her and i know it. If it doesn't work out our relationship as it is now may be gone forever. i love her too much to do that. i just want to be with her every moment of my life.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008):

Hey, I am going through almost the same thing. Four of my friends were in a car wreck, one died, two don't like each other now cause one has a broken pelvis. I stayed in the hospital with her and feel in love with her. I'm scared to ask her out because I don't want our friendship to end. I am about to ask her out and I always buy her roses. I'm just going to say no matter what, let's stay cool.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007):

Hey i had almost the exact same problem to yours. I meet this guy about a year ago and ever since, we have got closer and closer. I was dating someone else at the time but i had strong feelings for the other guy and once i ditched my ex i thought i should let the guy know. so about 3 months after i decided to tell him, i was so scared because, just like you, i was worried it would ruin our friendship. i did tell him in the end and he took it so well and made me feel ok about it. but you know your mate best so only you know whether its the right thing to tell her or not. in the end, if she is a true mate she will be able to understand your feelings even if she dusnt feel the same, just like my mate did. anyway wishing you all the luck in the world with it! =] hope everything goes ok

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007):

This is exactly the same problem I have. Except the girl I love once went out with one of our mutual friends and she said it ruined her relationship with him. She said she was fine with him as friends but as soon as they were going out she couldn't talk to him. I don't want that to happen to me too!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007):

i know wats its like?? im in love with my mate an i met him d other nite bu i dnt think e feels de same?? any time i see him i get all happy and i get d butterflys... i love his smile and d way he winks at me an wen we laugh to grther it feels soo rite yano?? im jus so comfortable around ham?? jus say 'ilove you' and see wha happends lv??????? and can any one help me out??? xx

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A male reader, destroyed111 Pakistan +, writes (7 June 2007):

destroyed111 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

destroyed111 agony auntthank you all for your replies and helping me in this critical situation i love you all for that so you guys want me to tell her that i love her actually the thing is i am her only friend and i know that if she doesnt feel the same for me it would be difficult for her to be with me and i will be broken and i will feel guilty for doing something that i shouldnt been done i dont have the courage to live without her maybe be blessed guyzz ;)

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A female reader, O Connor Ireland +, writes (7 June 2007):

O Connor agony aunti think you need to tell her - you both deserve to be happy.you never know she may love you just as much as you do. you say she is a negative thinker - well maybe sit her down and tell her that cos you love her and you are already best mates then you guys have a better chance of being happy and are past that uncomfortable stage. if she doesnt feel the same way then it is up to you whether you can still be just friends. you may lose her but you may also be happy beyond your belief with her. you need to put yourself at ease and her aswell. tell her and good luck let me know how everything goes and email me if u wanna talk more about it!!good luck and BE HAPPY!!xxx

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A female reader, shortybabes United Kingdom +, writes (7 June 2007):

shortybabes agony auntYou should tell her, you will never find out if his girl likes you if you don't talk to her. You could just tell her you need to tell her something but you've been unsure about telling her because if she doesn't feel the same then it may effect your friendship with her and that's the last thing you want. If she is your bestfriend then i'm sure she'll understand.

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A female reader, Ms_Iwal Ireland +, writes (7 June 2007):

This seems to be quiet sensitive because shes quiet a shy person and you really have to be careful how you approach her with your dilemma, usual i feel the best policy is to be open and honest. If she spends just as much time communicating with you as you do her chances are she likes you and i would ask her if she would like to be more than friends if not thats ok. Only you know how she will react and if she doesnt talk to you for a couple of day whats a couple of days out of a years of friendship. Be open and honest with her let her know what you would like and that its okay if she doesnt want the same.

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A female reader, jomana Egypt +, writes (7 June 2007):

jomana agony auntask her about your situation without saying that your the one inlove as if your taking her advice for a friend and think about what she's gonna tell you

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A male reader, Idunno United Kingdom +, writes (7 June 2007):

I went through the same as you. I seperated from my gf in nov 0. My best friend is a girl who is married, well afta i seperated her sister started to go out with us a lot and I gradually fell for her and she has become a really good friend. She got into my head so much but I didn't wanna say anything cos might ruin relationship with both sisters!!!! I gradually got close to her and wheneva say goodbye was usually a hug and kiss on lips. Well last weekend we all ended up drunk and I ended up telling her my feelings, she does not feel the same but we will still be good friends, howeva, I do feel better now that she knows, I spoke with her the day after and she seemed cool with everything. I now know I have to get on with life with her just as a friend and accept it, maybe one day!!! but i am not going to live in hope. The moral of the story is just let her know how you feel and don't let it get to you as it is doing otherwise you will just hurt. Good luck buddy hope it works out.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2007):

If you feel that strongly about her you should tell and say to her that you do not want to lose her as a friend either

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