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I'm in love with a guy who's half my age

Tagged as: Age differences, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 April 2012) 14 Answers - (Newest, 3 April 2012)
A female United States age 41-50, *anrig writes:

Hi. I'm a 54 yr old woman, who honestly looks about 35. I'm very blessed. I work out, and have always taken good care of myself. I place a personal ad, and hesistantly, responded to a 27 yr old. He and I have lots in common. We are both college educated in similar fields. And , I can still bear children. Were crazy about each other. We are both single consenting adults, and so, I don't think, that we should consider what anyone else thinks. Are we wrong because we are happy, and in love?

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A female reader, sanrig United States +, writes (3 April 2012):

sanrig is verified as being by the original poster of the question

sanrig agony auntOMG. I guess I really hit a lot of nerves here. Some of you don't like it, that I snagged someones young son. Well get over it. And fyi, my mom is 81 yrs old. And she can run, with best of them. She still does everything for herself. She and my father have been married for over 60 yrs, and they are starting to slow down a bit. Everyone is different. It all depends on how you live your life. If you abuse your body, with cigarettes, alchohol, or drugs, then, you are older, and feel older. My parents lived a pretty clean life. I have never smoked, I drink maybe 6 drinks per year(not right now), and I have never done drugs. I am a full time college student, and I work 30hrs per week. I have my coffee, take my vitamins, and exercise. So, to each is own. And all of this negativity about, i'll be old and decrepit, when I have a teenager. Give me a break. Thanks to my supporters, for your kind words of encouragement. I'm getting so tired of the double standard. No one cares, that Donald Trumps wife is much younger, than he is, or Michael Douglas. But everyone cares, when an

older woman, has a young guy. Just so all of you know, he pursued me. He said, that he was tired of the younger immature girls. And , he was raised by a father, who is syrian/israeli. Different culture. They respect older women, because of their wisdom. So, please can everyone, just relax, and get over it. I'm not the only one, doing this. Live, and let live I say.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (2 April 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntAs an older woman with a younger man (although not as wide a gap as yours) I could give a flying fig what others do. And you need to feel that way too.

I am 52 and look every inch of it… I move like I’m 70 due to severe arthritis. My partner is 38 but looks 25 so we get a lot of weird looks mostly from older men who find me attractive or younger women that want to try to figure out why he’s with his ‘mommy’….. we could care less…. I tip my hat to you at 54 wanting to chase a toddler.. I’m ready for my grandkids… you can give them back when you are tired….

I hope and pray for you and your child that this works out and you live to be 120 in good health.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (2 April 2012):

CindyCares agony aunt"So there ? " Would you like to add " nyah nyah nyah " ?:)

I was just giving you some scientific facts because I was under the impression you were tryng to conceive, and when you do it's always better to know the stats. If you belong to that lucky 5% that has no fertility problems past 50, I am of course happy for you.

Tbh, though, with the additional info perhaps now I would not be so encouraging with " better a day as a lion that 100 years as a sheep " Because the presence off a lion's cub changes things quite a bit.

Again, it's about stats, not moral judgements. The cougar thing is becoming more and more popular. I have known several couples like yours ; in fact I am an ex cougar myself, and as such I know that a relationship with a MUCH younger man has a very special, romantic, exciting, renewing energy in it.

But... for a series of reasons, statistically such relationships tend to be only temporary. Low chance of a happily ever after. You may say ; so what ? in love there are no guarantees, ANY relationship may fail or end.

Yes, but ...being a single mom at 20 or 30 must be very different and less tough that being a single mum at 60 , or 70 ! and frankly , I think this even remote possibility would have absolutely deterred anybody.

Again, we are not trying to jinx you , you may very well be the lucky exception once again and I wish you the best for you and the baby , since it's already here anyway so all there's to do now is keeping your fingers crossed and trying to make it work and beat the odds.

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A female reader, sanrig United States +, writes (1 April 2012):

sanrig is verified as being by the original poster of the question

sanrig agony auntAdditional Info: Already pregnant with his baby. This will be our only child. We want to be able to give it a good and happy life.

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A female reader, natasia United Kingdom +, writes (1 April 2012):

natasia agony auntIf it works for you both, then great.

The key thing here is: to understand that the ONLY thing that matters is how much you are into each other. If that is totally solid, then you can work out all the rest.

There are huge advantages to older woman/younger man relationship, I think, for both parties. So if you have a young guy mad about you, and he doesn't care about the age difference (or, indeed, maybe appreciates it), then great.

You don't need us to tell you that maybe he will one day feel you are too old, but to be honest, since you are already over 50, which is a big no for a lot of younger guys, I think your guy sounds like a keeper.

Be happy. Nice to hear about this. I am glad for you both. : )

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A female reader, sanrig United States +, writes (1 April 2012):

sanrig is verified as being by the original poster of the question

sanrig agony auntTo CindyCares: I'm actually 16 weeks pregnant. And its completely healthy. I has a cvs test, a couple of weeks ago! So there. God willing, it will be ok.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (1 April 2012):

CindyCares agony aunt Not to rain on your parade, but even if at 54 you are still menstruating, that does not mean that at your age you could still conceive easily, or conceive at all, as for that. Statistically your chances are only 5 % :

Every woman at puberty already has all her whole equipment of ovocites in her ovaries- around 200.000-500.000, of which she will only use around 400 or so in all her fertile life.

The others are destined to age and decay and go through a process of spontaneous death called " atresy ".

In time, both quantity and quality of ovocites decrease , ovocites get older together with your body , and the older the ovocite gets, the more it's likely to develop chromosomic anomalies which will make it useless for fecundation ,or cause an early miscarriage.

In other words, it's like you have your fridge still full of yoghurts, but they may be all past expiration date.

That just for scientific and statistic accuracy, and since I see you stress the reproductive part of your relationship .

For the rest, everybody is entitled to seek their happiness in the way they think it's best, and you are no different. If you are happy with the young man, enjoy your happiness, in the here and now. It may last forever, or- like any other relationship- it may not last. But , here we say " it's better to live one day as a lion, that 100 years as a sheep ".

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2012):

If your happy in the relationship you dont need outside confirmation of this situation.

Ask the men on here if they would want a 20 or 30 year relationship with a 50+ lady ie being with a 70 or 80 year old woman.I for one would not, but thats neither here nor there,its purely my opinion

Life is way to short to debate the ins and outs of a relationship if your loved up and happy just get on with it and dont worry what anyone thinks

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A female reader, sanrig United States +, writes (1 April 2012):

sanrig is verified as being by the original poster of the question

sanrig agony auntHi. I knew, that I would get some "smart ass" resoponses, to this question. Notice how most of the guys, are all for it, and some of the women are hell bent on pointing out the age difference, when it comes to, he's going to leave you, in five years, or don't have a baby, adopt a kid, or nobody wants a mother, that looks like grandma. As I mentioned earlier, we don't care about what anyone thinks. I just wanted to see, what kind of responses, that I would get, from various people, out their in cyber space. My grandmother died at 96, 6 yrs ago, looking like she was 65. I am a woman of color, so, I have not even seen my first wrinkle. And he is middle eastern/hungarian(raised in the us). Thank god, that other cultures respect older, more experienced women. We're both college educated, and love each other to death. With any relationship, their are risks. Because of my age, I'll only give him, one child. My choice, not his. Otherwise, I would fill our house with them. And enjoy getting them. He is so into me, that he doesn't care, what any one else thinks. His mom, who is an americanized hungarian, and his dad, who is

syrian, is proud of him, for having chosen, an older, and experienced woman. His last gf was immature, and broke his heart, so I am told. So, you see, I am a live, and let live type of person, and I think that all of you, with an opinion, should think, before you speak. Thank you, to all of the women, that were supportive. I'll bet they have guys, who love them, as opposed to the negative ones, who I'll bet, are alone. Also, I have a daughter, who is 32, and her bf is 44. That's her biz. As long as he always loves and respects her.

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A female reader, oldbag United Kingdom + , writes (1 April 2012):

oldbag agony aunti dont think you should look to long term & kids i think you should have a good time for a short time You are loved up with added lust & he is loving you as a cougar . dont risk being left in 5 years time . you may look 35 now but time always catches up with everyone . enjoy it a day at a time have your fun but be cautious with your heart xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2012):

If it all about love and not having a cougar then go for it and if both are footing the bill, just hope 10 to 15 years down the road he wont be out there looking for some young stu$$ to have a family, at 27 I'm sure at some point in his life he'll want a child or children.

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A female reader, sanrig United States +, writes (1 April 2012):

sanrig is verified as being by the original poster of the question

sanrig agony auntThank you so much, for all of you encouragement. Our sentiments exactly.

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A female reader, heart245 United States +, writes (1 April 2012):

There is nothing wrong with that at all if you two make each happy go for it. Remember: In Love Age Is But A Number its not that important.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (1 April 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntIf he makes you happy, go for it. The only thing I'd question is whether at age 55 having a child would be in the best interests of the child. When the child reached 20, you'd be 75. However, having a father who was 48 may be enough to offset that. Well, you'd have to figure that out with your OB anyway.

Enjoy your romance!

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