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I'm in love... with a dead woman!!!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 November 2009) 25 Answers - (Newest, 11 July 2016)
A male age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Ok people...this might sound insane but i cant help it. About a year back i saw a picture of a girl and read her life story and i think i am falling over for her. I think i am in love... but the catch is... she died way back during the second world war.

Please tell me what is this?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2016):

I know it's a old post. But this is important to me

My crush (we never dated) and I were very close. In fact, we had feelings for each other. He killed himself. I love him as much now as I did when I first fell for him. And I hope some day we meet in Heaven again, so we can be together.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2016):

Again, I know this is an old post but I had to respond to it...because I'm in the same situation.

My situation is pretty similar to PaintedColors7. In my case, it was a woman who was murdered by her husband. I saw a picture of her and immediately I was inexplicably drawn to her, and after that I just couldn't get her out of my mind.

Even though I tried to deny it - in fact, I couldn't believe it myself - I had fallen in love with her. That happened over three years ago, and I still love her as much now - say what you want, I love her with all my heart.

I guess I can't really blame anybody who might not believe what I say - after all, if it hadn't happened to me, I wouldn't have believed it either.

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A female reader, PaintedColors7 United States +, writes (22 April 2016):

Hi, I know this is an old post but I'm having the same experience with a man who died 5 years ago that I never met in real life. He was a murder victim who was killed because a couple men wanted to rob him. The second I saw his picture, I immediately wanted to know more about him. The more I read, the more I felt this deep connection that grew and grew. We're so much alike. Even our birthdays are only 4 days apart. I know I'll never meet him, but I feel powerless to stop these feelings.

The closest thing I've ever read to explain is a word called Moledro.

"moledro

n. a feeling of resonant connection with an author or artist you’ll never meet, who may have lived centuries ago and thousands of miles away but can still get inside your head and leave behind morsels of their experience, like the little piles of stones left by hikers that mark a hidden path through unfamiliar territory."

For me, it's moledro except I also feel romantic attachment as well. If you are a spiritual person, know that one day when your time on this earth expires that person will be waiting in the light. There's no need to rush either because what seems like forever in earthly time will only seem like the blink of an eye in eternity. Know that even though she is far from you, she is always with you and always will be. Cherish your earthly time and know that when you finally do meet, it will be forever.

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A female reader, Lenny8 Russian Federation +, writes (2 June 2012):

Are you still in love with this woman?

Another question that I'd like to ask: do you have any signs from her from time to time?

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (1 December 2010):

eyeswideopen agony auntWell his dream girl is another year deader...

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A female reader, SwedishWoman Sweden +, writes (1 December 2010):

Hi!

I just have to be a new member here beacuse i know how you feel and i have had this Native man with me my whole life and he lived during 1880.Sorry about my bad English spelling,im from Sweden and i hope you read this page even if its a little old.

Im a very spiritual woman and in my whole life a man has been showing him self to me and i find out that he is my twinflame and maybe thats why you feel so strongly in love with this woman,she is your twinflame.Later in life i find his picture both when he is young and older and i went to Navajo to find out everything i can about this man who have been with me my whole life.To my suprise everything i have felt with him(im a medium) was right and i realy do belive that its possible for humans and spirits to find love and this strong conection and thats what twinsouls and twinflame is all about to find love between two worlds.

So you are not alone and i know a few more people here in Sweden who have there twinsouls with them.Even if you belive in a afterlife or not this souls are someone we always will have this strong conection with and it made me so happy to find this and i hope maybe i helped you to understand a little bit more i know i understand you because i love this Native man more then anything in the whole world and he is with me everyday until its my turn to move over to him.Best regards!and sorry about my bad language:-)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010):

I have no idea if anyone is going to read this since it was posted so long ago...but I'll tell you what I have to say anyway.

I know exactly what you're referring to. I'm in love with a dead boy too. It could be obsession, it could be insanity or it could be more. But since hearing about this person I've been able to think of nothing else. I suppose I like to think that we have a connection - I believe in past lives and life beyond death (I am in no way religious, i might add)

I think that people that haven't felt this way can't comment since they don't know how we feel. Anyway, if you have strong feelings towards a person, it could be a deep connection you had in a past life, or even that your emotions are reciprocated.

I don't know...just an alternative way of looking at it, if you like.

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (21 November 2009):

DoubleM agony auntNo problem mate. I'm still in love with Eve . . . and apples.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009):

I thought it might be Anne Frank. Everybody has a similar reaction when they read a DIARY OF A YOUNG GIRL...after all whose heart does not go out to a tragic hero/heroine?

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A female reader, Share Bear United Kingdom +, writes (19 November 2009):

Share Bear agony auntI'm actually reading a story about a man who has fallen in love with a lady from the past- after hearing her music at a festival. He reads her life journals which have been published due to her various academic successes. She led an unusual lifestyle, living out in the forest, and also suffering much heartache herself.

The man has brings together a group to perform a play about her, translating her music for the occasion; out in the ruins of her little cottage which is owned by a trust. As much as he is crazy, the infatuation becomes increasingly shared by many- as I suspect, yours’ is too!

Infatuation is not love, and it does not need to be reciprocated to become ‘real’. I think infatuation is actually less selfish, and if anything, at times like these I’ve found that I love myself more for caring, more than I am frustrated at loving beyond the grasp of reality.

What a disappointing world it would be if we had never fallen ‘in love’ with the people of books, paintings and films. Don’t limit your loves and infatuation to reality, but don’t let them stop you from also loving what is real. Enjoy your love for all that it is. Anne Frank captures the love and respect of many, and rightly so.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009):

better if the person in qeustion actually had some morals and values...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009):

Being in love with a dead person is not much different from being in love with a live person who is 100% unavailable to you. Like a modern celebrity.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

ok guys and gals........ thanks a lot for all your suggestions.... but i would like to point out a few things.

1- she was NOT a pinup girl or glamour model for GOD'S sake !!! she was just a 15 year old normal girl . no sexual fantasies here.

2- necrophilia is something which has not even crossed my mind!!!grossss......

3- its ok if you have a bit of fun. i wont mind.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009):

You are playing it safe by tying up your feelings with someone who can never disappoint you.

And how can you not link to the picture?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009):

nope i wasnt talking about necromancing, i was just saying once youve spent much time with a few dead people, the thought just arent that great. when i think of the dead, i just don't have romantic thoughts....I'll spare you the details. i understand being in love with an idea, but mercy me, not physically longing for someone who has been dead for a hunnerd years. nope. in oklahoma we just go and put flowers on their graves, we don't have love affairs with them. Guess im just old fashioned that way.

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A male reader, duce00 United States +, writes (18 November 2009):

duce00 agony auntI agree with heartfullalove. Do not consummate this relationship. Two things could happen...

1-A trip to the emergency room with a an embarrassing boo boo

2-You grow older...get married...get divorced...and look back fondly at what a wonderful lover your first true love was in comparison to your ex.

I am sorry my boy...if you came to this site with no sense of humor we will surely rattle your cage until it falls out.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009):

You should keep this relationship on a purely platonic basis. It would be a bad idea to physically consummate it.

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A female reader, SirenaBlusera Mexico +, writes (18 November 2009):

SirenaBlusera agony auntMarriedlady, if you're referring to necrophilia... that would be strange. There are people who are into necrophilia, and I think it's gross, but I think this guy is in love with how this woman was in life, or how he imagines her to have been in life.

She died during the second world war... even though you didn't know her, I'm thinking about the time period. You imagine her to have old-fashioned values because she lived during World War II.

In some ways, we've changed for the better (like technology, and civil rights) but some things have changed for the worse in USA... family isn't as important as it used to be and we're more materialistic and we get impatient and frustrated with kids and treat old people very badly.

In US culture, our culture and values were VERY different during World War II than they are now. I imagine that in your country (hey, I noticed your flag changed) that values have changed over time. Could it be that you're seeking a girl with old-fashioned values? I'm not putting down a woman who stays home with the kids and cooks and performs a traditional role, it's a personal choice. Just a thought.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 November 2009):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with Duce00 - you are in love with an idea more then a person. The idea of how this woman was, how she can actually be anything you want her to be. She will never argue with you, turn you down, walk away.

I think we all (more or less) have a fantasy person that we have had a crush on, be it an actor, musician, poet, writer, king or queen. We built their character as best as we can to suit what we perceive as the "perfect mate".

I think it is totally normal, but, if you stick with this "fantasy girl" it will turn into an obsession which will cut you off from the actual world and real people.

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A female reader, MansonGroupie United Kingdom +, writes (18 November 2009):

MansonGroupie agony auntWow, you sound so much like me!

Maybe I'm strange too??

I have a fascination to the point of, I guess obsession with Layne Staley...Not sure it's possible to fall for a dead guy, but I have!!! I don't mean I just like the way he looks, I get butterflies thinking about him...Er, yep, I am strange too! Lol.

Unfortunately I can offer no words of advice as I am unsure what 'this' is, all I can say is: rest assured you're not the only one with this 'problem'.

xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009):

well i guess i'm the weirdo here but believe me after you've performed CPR on few people...for me it ain't happening. Too many medical runs i suppose. I mean yes by all means i think that james dean is/was a definite hottie. but hello, he's dead. i dunno, guess i'm the oddball on this one but i have to say i think it is strange. beyond strange. maybe even beyond that. mal

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A male reader, C. Grant Canada +, writes (18 November 2009):

C. Grant agony auntThere are some photographs that are just so compelling that you can't let go. The Rita Hayworth pin-up from the 1940s that must have adorned a thousand GI lockers is one -- I saw that in "The Best of Life" magazine commemorative, and, well, Wow!

For me it was Michelle Phillips, when I saw the album cover for the Mamas and Papas "If You Can Believe Your Eyes and Ears." I've been in love with Michelle ever since. She's still alive, but it's unrequited love.

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A female reader, SirenaBlusera Mexico +, writes (18 November 2009):

SirenaBlusera agony auntIt doesn't sound insane, but you have to be realistic.

If you allow yourself to dwell on your love for this woman, and fall for her, or what you imagine her to be, you're setting yourself up for heartbreak.

Many people have had "amores platónicos." In other words, they have developed feelings for someone who is quite unavailable. Loads of people have celebrity crushes, for example. You don't know her, but you have read about her and perhaps you have discovered some qualities that she had that your past girlfriends have lacked. Or, she had qualities that appeal to you. For example, maybe you love cats, and you read that this woman devoted her life to caring for stray cats. On top of that, let's suppose that all your past relationships were with girls who hated cats. :( Just an example.

I think you should pinpoint what you are seeking in a girlfriend, and find an available girl with those qualities. I bet there is someone out there who will fill that void.

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A male reader, duce00 United States +, writes (18 November 2009):

duce00 agony auntOn the serious side: Sounds like projection of the Anima. Look into the school of psychology created by Carl Jung. I

think it might fit here.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anima_and_animus

On the light side: This is the perfect woman. She will never say or do anything wrong. She wont ever break your heart. She will never even pass gas.

I am almost jealous...

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A male reader, eddy_nicolas United Kingdom +, writes (18 November 2009):

eddy_nicolas agony aunt

well,

you cannot do anything about that can ya?woke up!!!you wont be able to have a real relationship with her.because she is dead.i know that she might be somewhere looking towards you.i reckon that she wants,one important thing.To find a girl.

so,stop dreaming and try to chat with other girls and you will see that you will receive her blessing(how?you will feel peace in your heart).

hope that this helped

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